Chapter 28: Do I Really Have A Talent?
This translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
2023 Ver.
Back in front of the camera, the crew prepared for the reshoot. After the makeup artist touched up the actors' makeup, the director was about to restart the scene.
Facing the camera, Gu Xizhi's whole body was tense.
As she looked into the lens, her heart was still filled with the image of the NG moment from before.
The two stood facing each other, and their emotions were evident in their eyes. Gu Xizhi looked extremely anxious, but Qu Xizhi saw it and couldn't help but softly say, "Miss Gu, don't be in a hurry, relax a bit."
Gu Xizhi, who was already extremely anxious, was taken aback by the words and met her gaze.
Qu Xizhi nodded at her, implying encouragement and urging her to relax.
Gu Xizhi understood her intentions, even though she felt she couldn't do it at all, she closed her eyes and tried to relax.
The preparation time on set was very short, and in no time, the crew finished adjusting their equipment. The slate was officially clapped, and at this moment, both actors quickly got into their acting mode. Gu Xizhi looked at Qu Xizhi and began delivering her lines.
"Yubai, I was once born in the celestial realm, but I have tried to resist the temptation of the demon soul barrier." The brightness of the lighting was so intense that it felt like it was stabbing one's eyes, but she looked in Qu Xizhi's direction, her gaze not focusing on anything. "Perhaps this is my destiny."
Qu Xizhi looked back at her, as if they were in two different time and space dimensions.
She looked up at the sky, and then seemed to anticipate something. She looked at Gu Xizhi, who played Lu Yao, and asked, "What are you doing?"
Gu Xizhi: "I know ordinary sealing techniques can't hold you, so I specifically took the Stone Dragon Seal."
Qu Xizhi: "Are you going to the Phantom Palace alone?"
Gu Xizhi: "Since I've been entrusted by the God of War, I must fulfill my duty to protect the three realms. You and I have experienced the mortal world together..."
"Cut--"
Halfway through the lines, Jiang Tu called a halt, saying, "Xiao Gu, your emotions were not fully immersed just now, something doesn't feel right."
Gu Xizhi seemed to have anticipated this and struggled to control her emotions to nod calmly, "Okay, I understand. Let me try again." She felt her nerves tighten as soon as she uttered the first line, and she knew Jiang Tu would stop her soon.
"Alright, let's try this scene again later. Everyone take a twenty-minute break," he said, glancing at his watch.
It had been quite a long time since their last break. As soon as Jiang Tu finished speaking, the crew completely shifted away from their work mode. Some were organizing equipment, others went to take a break, and some gathered in small groups to chat, completely relaxing from their work responsibilities.
Gu Xizhi walked step by step towards her seat, unable to control her restlessness and anxiety.
Her assistant noticed her returning to the rest area and quickly approached with a glass of water. Gu Xizhi glanced at it but didn't take it, just shaking her head and waving her hand, then she walked directly out of the filming location.
Outside, the stars filled the sky, and the summer night was so peaceful. The evening breeze brought a sense of gentleness, and the streetlights added a touch of romance.
Gu Xizhi hadn't walked a few steps before she found a quiet corner and sat down on a step.
After a busy day, her mind was filled with roaring noises, and even though the outdoor breeze finally gave her a sense of relief, Gu Xizhi still couldn't calm her emotions.
She doubted if she could continue shooting tonight. Her state of mind was simply too terrible, and she had no idea how to regain her composure.
Come to think of it, it seemed like it wasn't the first time she was affected by external factors during filming.
No matter what happened in real life, she was easily influenced and would perform poorly as a result.
For instance, besides feeling tired today, she also didn't want to act opposite Qu Xizhi just because she disliked her. Moreover, if something unpleasant occurred in her personal life, she couldn't focus on her performance at all.
Thinking calmly about it now, she realized that her issues were indeed significant.
After so many years of acting, she often faced self-doubt, but today's self-doubt truly frightened her.
To be honest, she didn't believe that she couldn't act. Even though she had missed out on winning the Best Actress award several times, she always considered the nominations as recognition of her acting skills. At least being nominated proved that her acting was not completely subpar.
But today, it seemed that the mere act of being nominated was itself a problem. Perhaps she had truly overlooked her acting weaknesses, leading to these repeated results.
Footsteps approached, and Gu Xizhi turned her head to look but couldn't see the person clearly. Annoyed, she rubbed her forehead and got up to leave.
As she was about to walk away, Qu Xizhi saw her and stopped, asking, "Are you frustrated about not filming the scene well?"
Gu Xizhi was taken aback.
To be honest, she didn't really want to see Qu Xizhi right now.
Although Qu Xizhi didn't do anything wrong and had good intentions, just standing there made Gu Xizhi think of the unfairness of talent, especially during their scenes together tonight. No matter which scene it was, Qu Xizhi seemed to perform flawlessly, completely unaffected by external factors, which made Gu Xizhi doubt her own purpose, as if she only existed to be a foil for Qu Xizhi.
But Qu Xizhi had to follow her.
This translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
It seemed destined for such a person to exist, and Gu Xizhi turned her face away in a low mood, irritably saying, "Go look at your script, don't bother me."
Qu Xizhi looked surprised, "What's wrong? Are you tired? Well, if you're tired, you can talk to the crew to see if you can rest earlier. After all, if you..."
She didn't finish her sentence because Gu Xizhi seemed to be triggered by something at this point, and suddenly became impatient, saying, "Qu Xizhi, I already told you not to bother me."
Upon hearing her say this, Gu Xizhi felt like she couldn't control her emotions anymore. "I just can't film this scene well, and I don't want to continue filming, is that not acceptable?"
Qu Xizhi was stunned.
Gu Xizhi seemed to have been suppressing her emotions for a long time, and it was evident that she had been trapped in them the whole evening.
"Miss Gu, you didn't film the scene poorly tonight. Your every shot is excellent. It's just that you're too tired and anxious, which causes fluctuations in your performance during shooting."
"Oh, everyone has been working here all day, and everyone else can film their scenes perfectly. It's only me who can't film well because I'm tired. Do you think that's fair?"
"But Miss Gu, your workload today was heavy, and you didn't rest well last night. It's normal to experience fluctuations in your performance under such circumstances."
"But you never have moments when your performance isn't good," Gu Xizhi interrupted, "I have limited skills and many flaws, don't I?"
Gu Xizhi's emotions seemed to have dropped to freezing point. Qu Xizhi looked at her in silence for a while before suddenly saying, "Of course not."
Her words didn't seem convincing at all, and Gu Xizhi just turned her eyes away, showing no interest in continuing the conversation.
Qu Xizhi thought for a moment and then took out her phone, gesturing, "If you think your skills are limited, why don't you take a look at this?"
Gu Xizhi glanced at her phone, not seeming interested. "What is it?"
Qu Xizhi didn't answer immediately but opened her photo gallery and found a video. She placed it in Gu Xizhi's hand and said, "Take a look. This is a performance you did this morning."
The video on Qu Xizhi's phone showed Gu Xizhi delivering an emotionally intense scene, and it had received unanimous praise from the crew in the morning.
The video was short, and after it finished playing, Gu Xizhi watched it again before handing the phone back to Qu Xizhi.
"Why are you keeping my acting video?" She looked at Qu Xizhi with a tone of questioning, but there was also an underlying sense of frustration.
Qu Xizhi took back her phone and said, "Of course, for learning."
Gu Xizhi was puzzled, "Learning?"
"Yes," Qu Xizhi said, "It's such a great performance, of course, it's worth learning from."
Gu Xizhi didn't say anything, just looked at her with displeasure.
This wasn't a time for jokes, she thought Qu Xizhi should know that.
Qu Xizhi met her gaze and explained, "Miss Gu, I believe you have a special talent for acting."
Gu Xizhi asked, "...Are you mocking me?"
Qu Xizhi shook her head and met her gaze, holding up the phone as she said, "Miss Gu, do you admit it? You performed this scene exceptionally well."
Glancing at her phone, Gu Xizhi didn't continue belittling herself and said, "So what?"
"Why don't you want to admit that you're a talented actress?"
Gu Xizhi felt that Qu Xizhi was confusing the concept, "Do you know that truly talented actors wouldn't keep getting NGs like me tonight? It has everything to do with talent!"
"That's not related to talent," Qu Xizhi corrected her, "You're just tired and anxious to perform well. Everyone has been shooting all day, but as the female lead, your role is the heaviest and most tiring. Besides, you didn't rest well last night, so it's difficult to perform perfectly under such circumstances, isn't it?"
She spoke earnestly about these trivial details, and although Gu Xizhi knew that she was probably just consoling herself, her emotions still stirred slightly.
Qu Xizhi mentioned that Gu Xizhi had the heaviest workload, acknowledged her lack of proper rest the previous night, and attributed her struggles to being too anxious.
Even though Gu Xizhi couldn't pinpoint the exact reason for her performance tonight, hearing these explanations allowed her to entertain a glimmer of hope.
Were these really valid reasons for not performing well?
She couldn't help but wonder if her current situation was a result of her lack of talent.
"Qu Xizhi, do you really think I have talent?" Gu Xizhi asked with confusion.
In the past, she was full of confidence, believing that she had exceptional abilities and would carve her own path in the film industry.
But reality proved that there were always others with extraordinary talent, some of whom hadn't even received formal training, yet they could still excel in the art of acting.
Over the years, she had fantasized countless times about winning awards, but the painful realities repeatedly made her doubt herself, and she had long lost sight of what the word "talent" truly meant.
"Of course."
"Why do you say that?"
Qu Xizhi fell silent for a moment before speaking, "Do you remember your first nomination for Best Actress?"
"The first nomination?"
Gu Xizhi's memories delved into the past.
Her first nomination for Best Actress was for a film called "Nameless River." The story revolved around the love between a photography enthusiast from a wealthy background and a poor village girl. Despite her impoverished circumstances, the girl had a passionate love for life. She loved writing, drawing, and everything beautiful. However, she had a sick grandmother and a father addicted to drinking and gambling, forcing her to resort to stealing to survive.
Her love with the male lead began with her first theft. He entered her life like a beam of light, and she was cautious when they first met, experiencing sweet joy during their deep affection and profound heartache upon separation.
Gu Xizhi asked, "I remember. What significance does it have?"
Qu Xizhi patted her shoulder to calm her down and then took out her phone to search for a video: "Look."
Gu Xizhi glanced at her, looking even more puzzled.
She glanced at the screen and noticed that the video was already playing, drawing her attention to the scenes displayed.
Upon seeing it, she got lost in the memories.
Qu Xizhi showed her one of the most famous scenes from several of her movies.
The video depicted a scene from one of her movies where the female lead, Qinghe, first meets the male lead. It was the moment when Qinghe got caught stealing for the first time, and the male lead showed her a video of the theft process. Her reaction to seeing the footage was a mix of surprise and annoyance, but at the same time, she couldn't help but feel an uncontrollable admiration for the male lead. The way she conveyed her emotions and expressions during their interaction masterfully depicted the instincts of a young girl's admiration, the restraint due to their disparate social statuses, and the pride and irritation of being caught red-handed. It was hailed by netizens as "a clever and lively portrayal of an infatuated young girl."
The reputation of that scene had been etched in Gu Xizhi's heart for a long, long time. Even now, she would occasionally think about it.
But...
"Why are you showing me this movie?" Seeing the scene from the film again, Gu Xizhi felt even more agitated.
Qu Xizhi could sense her thoughts and put away her phone, speaking earnestly, "Do you know? In the entertainment industry, there are many excellent actors, but only a few receive the honor of Best Actor or Best Actress. It doesn't mean their acting skills are inadequate; often, they simply lack outstanding scripts or excellent teams."
"But I've had many more opportunities than others."
"Do you think "Nameless River" was a good opportunity for you?"
Gu Xizhi fell silent.
"Nameless River" was her first nomination for Best Actress, but it was quite accidental. At that time, the industry didn't have high expectations for the film; several investors pulled out, and the originally planned lead actress changed multiple times. Originally, Gu Xizhi had nothing to do with this movie. It was just that the director of the film was on good terms with her, and out of friendship, she agreed to step in as a last-minute replacement. Even though the film still faced challenges and uncertainties, Gu Xizhi didn't give up on the opportunity.
Seeing Gu Xizhi's reaction, Qu Xizhi continued, "You should know that in that year's Best Actress competition, the Best Picture category was fiercely competitive. 'Nameless River' didn't have an advantage in the Best Picture race, but your outstanding acting skills made you a popular candidate for Best Actress, gaining favor with the judges."
"But I wasn't affirmed in the end." Gu Xizhi couldn't help emphasizing this point once again.
"Although you didn't win the Best Actress award, your talent was truly on par with that year's Best Actress. From start to finish, your performance had no flaws. It's not about who has better acting skills; the favor of the film festival committee and the quality of the film's production team matter a lot. You have attended so many film festivals, don't you understand this principle?"
"It's not about who has better acting skills..."
"Your talent is not inferior to the lead actress."
Gu Xizhi looked up at her, stunned.
