Chapter 38: I Only Want To Know Our Secret
This translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Ruan Yesheng flips through the notebook while saying to Xi Mo: "Yesheng, these photos of yours are really beautiful."
Xi Mo: "..."
She planned to find a ruler later and measure the current thickness of her skin in front of the mirror, so then she would know how thick Ruan Yesheng's skin was.
Moreover... Yesheng.
How dare you add lines and scenes on your own? When did I ever call you Yesheng before?
Leaving Ruan Yesheng indulging in self-love with her own photos, Xi Mo sidestepped and simultaneously began talking to Chen Xuan, diverting Chen Xuan's attention: "By the way, the crew hasn't made an official announcement yet. How did you know I'm in this crew?"
Chen Xuan, immersed in joy, said: "Recently, I saw online photos and video clips of the opening ceremony of the Sui Ting production. There was Xi Mo; it spread widely among the fans, and I saw your figure in it. At first, I didn't dare believe it and confirmed it several times. Although it was a candid shot and not very clear, I knew it was you. Fortunately, I got the chance to visit the set through the Xi Mo fan club I'm in. Since you both are in the same crew, I brought something, hoping to have a chance encounter with you. I never expected to actually see you!"
She continued excitedly: "Actually, when I saw you earlier, I was secretly thrilled, but I didn't dare say hello since I came to visit Xi Mo's shoot; it wouldn't have been appropriate. So, initially, I planned to leave after this visit and come to see you next time. But halfway through leaving, I couldn't resist and asked Mr. Gu if I could come back again. Unexpectedly, Mr. Gu brought me here. I'm incredibly lucky today!"
Chen Xuan grew happier as she spoke. Seizing the moment, Ruan Yesheng quietly wrote a line from her dialogue in “Sound Of Steps" in the notebook, just above where Xi Mo had signed her name.
The line was the final words of Ta Ge in the movie before her death: [You said you liked watching me dance. Shall I dance for you again?]
After finishing writing, she pretended to have finished reading the notebook, casually placing it near Xi Mo's hand. Xi Mo naturally took it, unscrewing the pen to continue talking with Chen Xuan. Chen Xuan got distracted while speaking, and Xi Mo, holding the notebook and pen, gestured in the air over the page. Chen Xuan easily had the illusion that Xi Mo was writing in the notebook.
Chen Xuan, filled with joy, said: "I always believed that Ta Ge wouldn't be away for too long, that one day she'd return. Everyone from back then is waiting for you. Once Sui Ting makes it official, they'll all know! Actually, many fan support groups haven't disbanded. As long as there's news about you, everyone will come together to support you!"
"Thank you for waiting for me." Xi Mo smiled and handed the notebook to Chen Xuan. "I've signed it."
Carefully taking it, Chen Xuan grew fonder of the familiar handwriting the more she looked at it. She placed the notebook back into her bag and said: "Sister Tangtang mentioned you still have night scenes, I can't delay you any longer. Ta Ge, can I take a photo with you? After the photo, I'll leave."
Xi Mo stood up, hesitated briefly, but still smiled and said: "Sure."
She understood that taking fan photos with idols usually involved a selfie. However, she never took selfies, let alone with others.
Previously, when she met with fans, she never took selfies with them. Only a few people within the company, including Lu Qingming, knew about this unique circumstance. To address this, Lu Qingming always arranged for an assistant to take photos of Xi Mo with the fans. If fans requested a selfie, Xi Mo, Lu Qingming, and others would find a suitable reason to cover it up, switching to a different photo mode. Each time, fans were too excited about meeting their idol and didn't think much about it, as long as they had a photo. So, Xi Mo has been peacefully managing this situation until now.
This translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Even Feng Tangtang didn't know this secret. Lu Qingming hadn't informed Feng Tangtang, only instructing her to take good care of taking photos of Xi Mo with the fans every time they visited. As for other details, he trusted Xi Mo to handle them.
If Chen Xuan intends to take a selfie with her now...
Chen Xuan took out her phone, stood close to Xi Mo, and lifted the phone, preparing for a selfie with her.
Xi Mo suddenly tensed up.
She never took selfies.
She detested selfies, even abhorred and feared them. Last time during the magazine cover shoot, when the photographer Matt, and the makeup artist intended to take a selfie with her, she had pushed Matt away out of fear, startling him. She improvised a few excuses to divert the situation.
At this moment, seeing the camera lifted, aimed at her from this angle, with someone close by, she felt like every pore in her body was filled with ice. Each breath felt so slow as if she were experiencing oxygen deprivation.
She wanted to push Chen Xuan away, to sprint away and hide somewhere safe where no one could find her.
But she couldn't.
This was a fan with significant meaning to Ruan Yesheng.
She hoped to fulfill this fan's wish on behalf of Ruan Yesheng.
This way, she believed Ruan Yesheng would be happy.
Chen Xuan wore a satisfied smile, busy adjusting the angle of her phone.
Xi Mo stood straight, her gaze shifting, avoiding looking at the selfie camera lifted by Chen Xuan.
She needed to smile.
During selfies, one should smile without letting others see through it.
...Smile.
...Quick, smile.
Xi Mo continuously urged herself, but in that fleeting moment, it felt like her facial muscles were frozen, she couldn't force a smile, and her fingers trembled slightly.
"I'll help you take the photo?" Ruan Yesheng stood up at that moment.
Chen Xuan, hearing this, instinctively lowered her phone. Ruan Yesheng smiled: "Selfies make faces look bigger."
Xi Mo: "..."
Chen Xuan: "..."
"My photography skills are quite decent," Ruan Yesheng's soft voice was irresistibly soothing.
Chen Xuan was captivated. Having Goddess Xi herself take a photo with her and Ta Ge, was there anything happier than this? Excitedly, she handed her phone to Ruan Yesheng, expressing her gratitude continuously.
Without needing to take a selfie, Xi Mo's heart, hanging in her throat, finally relaxed a bit.
Chen Xuan linked her arm with Xi Mo's, smiling brightly, waiting for Ruan Yesheng to take their picture. Xi Mo's gaze calmed a bit, silently observing Ruan Yesheng.
Ruan Yesheng raised the phone and softly said to Xi Mo: "Smile."
Her voice was so soothing.
Xi Mo had never imagined that Ruan Yesheng could be so gentle with her. Perhaps many times Ruan Yesheng was gentle, but she had been misled by Ruan Yesheng's coquettish appearance and occasional provocative words that triggered her impatience. She hadn't noticed it before. Her tense state also found some relief in the fluctuating emotions of this moment. She seemed to find temporary refuge in Ruan Yesheng's words and gaze, gradually relaxing.
Xi Mo curved her lips, lightly smiling at the camera, or rather at Ruan Yesheng who held the camera.
After the photo, Chen Xuan followed Gu Qisong and left the lounge satisfied.
Xi Mo felt utterly exhausted, more draining than shooting consecutive night scenes. Sitting on the sofa, she wished she could go back to her room and sleep right away.
A good sleep might help her forget everything and feel a bit better.
"So, was that thing actually true?" Ruan Yesheng unexpectedly brought this up.
"What thing?" Xi Mo knew what she might be referring to but casually responded.
Ruan Yesheng sat beside her, took a moment, then said: "I once saw some discussions online about you. It wasn't exactly an exposé, just some discussions in a small circle. Not many people knew about it. I didn't believe it back then, thought they were just making things up."
She paused.
"Go on. There's a lot of talk about me online; which one are you referring to?" Xi Mo grabbed a cushion, hugged it, and closed her eyes to rest.
Ruan Yesheng gazed at Xi Mo's long eyelashes as she closed her eyes, her voice involuntarily lowering: "There are discussions online about you being afraid of selfies, having selfie phobia. They say they've never seen any selfie of you on the internet, nor have they seen you taking selfies with others. Even comparisons were made, showing no selfies taken by you."
Xi Mo remained silent.
The room was quiet.
After a while, Xi Mo slowly opened her eyes.
Turning her face, she met Ruan Yesheng's gaze. She had always avoided facing this issue before, even the thought of it made her sweat in fear. She had forcefully cast it away into the deepest and darkest corner of her heart, letting it be buried under dust.
Now, facing Ruan Yesheng, discussing this matter, her eyes were calm.
"Yes," Xi Mo admitted, "I don't like selfies, I'm afraid of them. You noticed just now, didn't you? Otherwise, you wouldn't have helped me take the photo. Thank you for intervening."
A subtle expression appeared on Ruan Yesheng's face.
It wasn't exactly a surprise. From this expression, one could deduce that Ruan Yesheng had seen those discussions before, and having witnessed Xi Mo's reaction when asked by Chen Xuan for a selfie, she might have been mentally prepared for this discussion. Upon confirmation, she might have felt a bit dazed, but her expression mostly revealed a sense of guilt.
Xi Mo still found it a bit strange how Ruan Yesheng suddenly had that expression, completely out of her expectations. Then Ruan Yesheng spoke.
Ruan Yesheng: "I'm sorry."
Xi Mo furrowed her brow: "This isn't your concern, why suddenly apologize?"
Ruan Yesheng lowered her head, her brows and eyes downcast, softly saying like a well-behaved child who had made a mistake: "When the fans came for the set visit earlier, I took selfies with each of them. I wasn't aware of your situation then and decided to take selfies for you as well without permission. I'm truly sorry."
Xi Mo understood now and inexplicably felt like laughing. She found Ruan Yesheng surprisingly serious and innocent at certain times. She had seen Ruan Yesheng blush several times, which, when combined with her usual mischievous demeanor, surprisingly blended well.
Seductiveness and innocence—these were clearly two contrasting qualities.
How did Ruan Yesheng manage that?
Then she thought and slowly figured out a bit about where Ruan Yesheng's girlish innocence originated—from Ruan Yesheng during their university days.
Time passed, and many things changed, yet some imprints always remained deep within, difficult to completely erase.
Xi Mo wanted to laugh in her heart but maintained a calm expression, saying casually: "It's okay, no need to apologize. I've mentioned before that you can decide on these matters. Besides, I was present at that time and didn't say anything, which means it's fine."
Ruan Yesheng worriedly responded: "I'm afraid after they return, the photos will surely circulate. Other fans might see those selfies, and in the future when your body returns, they might also come asking for selfies. Aren't you worried about that?"
"That's fine too," Xi Mo replied, "Actually, in the past, some fans also requested selfies with me. They aren't aware of my situation, but Lu Qingming and the others handle it for me. Every time it has been smoothed over. As long as there's a photo together, it's enough. Many fans who have followed me for years are accustomed to others taking photos for me and them."
Seeing Ruan Yesheng feeling guilty, now Xi Mo turned to comfort her: "Your action to take selfies on my behalf with the fans is a good thing. You mentioned rumors online about my fear of selfies, now with these numerous selfie photos as solid evidence, those rumors will be debunked, and no one will believe them."
Being treated as the most precious gem by those around her, raised that way since childhood, she indeed didn't know how to console others.
What does it feel like to comfort someone?
Now she finally understood.
It's about reassuring the other person, making them happy, so that one could feel reassured and happy too.
It's quite an interesting experience.
This comfort clearly had an effect. Ruan Yesheng grasped that layer of meaning and smiled: "That's true, they won't spread rumors now. Honestly, the information they gave before seemed plausible, fortunately, not many people paid attention."
Xi Mo said solemnly: “If everyone knows about this, it would indeed be quite awkward. Someone in the entertainment industry is afraid of selfies—spreading that would be a joke. If Shen Qingbie, the selfie maniac, found out, she'd definitely mock me for a month.”
However, Ruan Yesheng shook her head and earnestly replied: “I'm not concerned about that. I'm worried that those gossipmongers, upon knowing about it, will continue to dig deeper, uncovering the real reason behind your fear, not just about selfies but something causing you psychological distress linked to selfies. They are used to recklessly digging into people's wounds. I don't want them to expose it to the public and cause you harm.”
Xi Mo was stunned.
After a moment of silence, Xi Mo whispered: “What about you? Do you want to know the reason behind this?”
“I don't want to.”
“Why? Curiosity is natural for people.”
“Because that's your secret.”
Xi Mo: “...”
Ruan Yesheng smiled faintly: “That's your secret. If you don't want to tell anyone, including me, then I don't want to know either. However, when the day comes that you're willing to share it with me, to tell me, then I'd like to know because it will no longer be your secret; it'll be our secret. I don't want to know your secrets; I just want to know our secrets.”
“Will that day come?” she asked Xi Mo softly.
After a prolonged silence, Xi Mo replied: “It will.” Her dark eyes were so focused as she continued, “Since we already have a secret of swapping bodies, we might have other secrets too. But I can't tell you right now.”
