Chapter 113
Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=1363950 This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com
"I kissed her because she's someone I loved before. We met again yesterday, and she wants to start over. I know her too well; she's a determined person. Once she feels there's still something between us, she won't give up on me. I don't want her to cling to past memories, so the most effective way is to tell her that my heart and body don't feel anything for her. This is also the last request I can agree to. I can't go back to how it was before, even if I don't love her anymore. I want our last memories to end perfectly. I'm someone who's deeply emotional. I can't be completely indifferent to someone I loved in the past. That's just who I am," Li Xin self-mockingly said. If she could be more decisive about her feelings, she and Yan Ruowen would have parted ways long ago. It's her own indecisiveness that kept Yan Ruowen hanging on.
Yan Ruowen listened to Li Xin's explanation and became even more silent. Li Xin was always the type of person she found hard to understand—thinking emotionally, emphasizing feelings, rituals, and valuing many things she couldn't comprehend. She would never handle things the way she thought was right. This irrational thinking seemed to be contagious; otherwise, how could she have let jealousy cloud her judgment and allowed herself to utter irresponsible words?
"I'm sorry, Li Xin. Maybe I'm not right for you," Yan Ruowen initially wanted to apologize for her earlier harsh words, but the words took on a different meaning as they left her mouth.
Li Xin's face turned even paler at her words. Not suitable. In the end, still not suitable. Things that don't belong to her can never be forced.
"Okay, let's break up. I'll disappear," Li Xin felt an endless despair spreading in her heart. Love had reached its limit; she could only let go. Perhaps it's for the best for both Yan Ruowen and herself.
Yan Ruowen watched Li Xin's serious expression and suddenly had a foreboding feeling.
"Li Xin!" Yan Ruowen grabbed Li Xin's arm, not wanting her to leave, but not knowing what to say.
This time, Li Xin shook off Yan Ruowen's hand and decisively turned away. She felt her heartache so much that she could hardly breathe. Every step felt like carrying lead, unable to muster the strength to move her legs. But this time, Li Xin wouldn't allow her heart to be weak again.
Yan Ruowen stared blankly in the direction Li Xin left, feeling her heart tighten. Is she really leaving? Are five years of entanglement coming to an end like this? She thought she would feel relieved, but why does it hurt so much, like being torn apart forcibly, and her fair face burning with pain...
Yan Ruowen thought that without Li Xin, her life would slowly return to normal. However, she found herself spending more and more time daydreaming, thinking about Li Xin. Increasingly, she felt emptiness in her heart, as if her life had lost its anchor. Aimless days became torment, unbearable for Yan Ruowen. Just then, the Qins invited Yan Ruowen to join their company, sending her an employment invitation. Yan Ruowen thought that once she started working, everything would go back to normal. So, without much hesitation, she accepted the Qin invitation and joined the company. She threw herself into busy work schedules, trying to fill the void inside her, but work wasn't as effective as before. The emptiness in her heart couldn't be filled, and her longing for Li Xin became increasingly uncontrollable.
It had been exactly two months and three days since that day when Li Xin left decisively. Yan Ruowen vividly remembered the day Li Xin left and the days that followed. She knew Li Xin was serious. Thinking about this, Yan Ruowen felt like her heart had been bound since Li Xin left, no longer belonging to herself. Yan Ruowen didn't like her current state, but she couldn't shake it off.
"Do you feel accustomed to the work?" Qin Wanshu smiled at Yan Ruowen. It was she who suggested hiring Yan Ruowen to Qin Yu, which might have offended the Qian family, but it was definitely worth it. Most importantly, with Yan Ruowen coming on board, Qin Wanshu could completely withdraw from Qin Corporation to pursue her own interests.
"I'm getting used to it." Despite being in a family business, Yan Ruowen didn't feel constrained at Qin Corporation. It was indeed her best choice.
"Here are some tasks I have on hand that I'd like you to take over. I'm leaving Qin Corporation to pursue some personal projects," Qin Wanshu handed a stack of documents to Yan Ruowen.
"You're leaving Qin Corporation?" Yan Ruowen was surprised. Although Qin Wanshu didn't have a specific position at Qin Corporation, she was in charge of several core projects. Yan Ruowen was astonished by Qin Wanshu's trust in her.
"Yes," Qin Wanshu nodded. Leaving Qin Corporation would momentarily empty her heart, but she wanted to do something meaningful to fill it.
"I'm sure working with you will be a pleasant experience," Yan Ruowen said with regret. Indeed, spending time with Qin Wanshu was delightful.
Qin Wanshu still smiled. She admired Yan Ruowen's work attitude, but she seemed to be pushing herself too hard, almost like she was avoiding something.
"Ever since you joined Qin Corporation, you've been working late until midnight every day. Where else can you find such executives? People who don't know might think we're mistreating our employees!" Qin Wanshu joked.
Yan Ruowen couldn't help but smile too. She suddenly remembered that Qin Wanshu and Zuo Qinghuan were also a couple. She found it hard to imagine that someone like Qin Wanshu would also like women, especially since she and Zuo Qinghuan were so different, just like herself and Li Xin.
"Why do you like Zuo Qinghuan?" Yan Ruowen suddenly asked, realizing afterward that her question was too impolite. She quickly apologized.
Qin Wanshu looked at Yan Ruowen with some surprise. Yan Ruowen didn't seem like someone who would ask such a question unless she had some confusion in her heart.
"Like is just like, there's not always a reason why. There's no need to find a rational explanation for everything. Sometimes it's okay to just follow your heart," Qin Wanshu answered seriously, feeling a hint of melancholy when she thought about Zuo Qinghuan.
Yan Ruowen fell silent. In the past two months, her intense longing made her realize that she seemed to have fallen in love with Li Xin. But she was also terrified of such feelings, leaving her at a loss. Should she follow her heart and seek out Li Xin?
.…
"Miss Yan." As Yan Ruowen was leaving Qin Corporation, a woman stopped her.
Yan Ruowen turned around and saw a woman who bore a resemblance to Li Xin.
"I'm Li Yao, Li Xin's younger sister. Can I talk to you?" Li Yao carefully scrutinized Yan Ruowen in her formal attire. This was the person her sister deeply loved—a seemingly strict and rigid person. No wonder she seemed so heartless.
Yan Ruowen nodded. She also wanted to learn some information about Li Xin from Li Yao. She had just made up her mind to go find Li Xin.
"My sister hasn't been doing well these past two months. Even if you don't love her, could you please go see her?" Li Yao earnestly pleaded. Her sister had locked herself in her room for two months, and their family was very worried, fearing she might do something drastic. Li Yao wouldn't have come to ask Yan Ruowen for help if it weren't absolutely necessary.
"How is she?" Concern flashed in Yan Ruowen's eyes.
"You'll know when you see her," Li Yao said sadly. Her sister's condition was very bad, almost bordering on self-destructive behavior.
"Do you love her?" Seeing the concern in Yan Ruowen's eyes, Li Yao wondered if Yan Ruowen didn't love her sister as much as she claimed. This speculation made Li Yao hopeful. If Yan Ruowen did have feelings for her sister, there might be a chance for her.
Yan Ruowen nodded. Two months had been enough time for her to understand her own heart. She was so eager to see Li Xin.
"Please make sure to tell my sister that she's so loved," Li Yao said. Her sister would be so happy to hear that. Li Yao missed her sister's spirited presence during surgeries, rather than the despondent figure hiding in her room.
"This is my sister's room. Please go in by yourself," Li Yao led Yan Ruowen to Li Xin's room door.
Yan Ruowen looked at Li Xin's room door, suddenly feeling very nervous. This feeling was as intense as when she was first adopted.
Yan Ruowen slowly pushed open the door and found it a bit dark inside.
"I said, don't bother me. I just want to be alone," Li Xin buried her head in her knees, not even lifting her head, just shouting hysterically. Why? Why deny her even the space to lick her wounds?
Yan Ruowen closed the door, and the room returned to dimness. She frowned slightly as she looked at Li Xin, curled up in a ball, looking extremely disheveled and unbearable. Yan Ruowen felt her heart tighten. How could this woman torment herself into this state? She used to be so beautiful. How much did this woman really love her? Yan Ruowen realized that Li Xin's love for her was beyond her estimation.
Yan Ruowen walked towards Li Xin and squatted down in front of her. She reached out to touch Li Xin, wanting to tell her that she missed her.
Lost in her own emotions, Li Xin might have sensed a familiar presence. Slowly, she lifted her head and saw Yan Ruowen squatting in front of her, reaching out to her. For a moment, Li Xin thought she was seeing things.
She hated this feeling. She hated that Yan Ruowen appeared to her as a hallucination, and she hated that she still couldn't forget Yan Ruowen.
"Li Xin, you said there were a thousand steps between us, and you've taken 999. Let me take that last step," Yan Ruowen reached out to touch Li Xin's haggard face, which was far from its usual allure, pale like a ghost. Yan Ruowen felt her heart ache slightly.
Li Xin leaned towards Yan Ruowen, feeling the warmth of her fingers on her face and the increasingly intense scent of Yan Ruowen. She realized that this wasn't a hallucination and abruptly pushed Yan Ruowen away.
Author's Note:
Let's make Li Xin a bit tsundere too. Li Xin probably can only be a little bit tsundere.
