Chapter 75: She Wanted To Comfort Her
This translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Ruan Yesheng's tears came so unexpectedly that even Xi Mo didn't anticipate it, and even Ruan Yesheng herself didn't see it coming.
Feeling the tears on her face, she was suddenly stunned.
Despite Ruan Yesheng's past flirtatiousness and charming smiles, she was actually a woman skilled in concealing her emotions. Her acting skills were excellent, and she naturally handled various situations in life adeptly. Even after playing Xi Mo for so long without any mistakes, one could imagine her skill in hiding her true feelings.
Because of this, her smile easily became a mask to hide her true emotions. Even if she was deeply saddened, she could still act as if nothing had happened and continue to laugh and joke. Only when she returned to solitude could she possibly remove those external disguises and lick her wounds alone.
A person like her would never easily cry in front of others.
Ruan Yesheng didn't even know what was happening to her right now. Originally, she thought she could control herself well, no matter how worried or upset she was, she believed she could manage not to show it. Who knew that at this moment, it was as if Xi Mo's last sentence had pressed the switch, causing the dam that held back her emotions to collapse instantly and pour out?
She thought her defenses were always rock solid.
Now she understood, in front of Xi Mo, they were actually so fragile.
Unprepared, she showed her vulnerability to Xi Mo. Unprepared, she cried in front of Xi Mo.
Ruan Yesheng quickly realized this, feeling more at a loss than Xi Mo. She felt her appearance was somewhat embarrassed, wiping her face with the back of her hand, standing up, intending to get the napkin on the dining table. Perhaps she was too startled when she got up, she didn't notice the position of the chair, stumbled by the chair, her body suddenly staggered, and almost knocked over the edge of the table.
A pair of hands reached out, quickly grabbing her, saving her from hitting the table.
Xi Mo wrapped her waist with one hand and held her arm with the other, freezing in place.
Ruan Yesheng also froze.
When Xi Mo acted opposite Ruan Yesheng on set before, she realized she had added a fear—she was afraid Ruan Yesheng would cry, although at that time she didn't want to admit it.
Ruan Yesheng's crying scenes were too good and highly infectious; seeing her cry, even though it was in the play, knowing it was fake, could still hurt deeply at that moment.
It was like this in the scene, let alone now when Ruan Yesheng was really crying. Her eyes were red, moist with tears, when she looked over, it seemed as if through misty rain. Her eyelashes trembled with droplets of water, and precisely because she suddenly cried, she felt embarrassed. There was a hint of helplessness in her lowered head, not daring to look over, intensifying her pitiful feeling.
Xi Mo watched her, now truly admitting that she was indeed afraid of Ruan Yesheng crying.
She initially didn't know how to comfort Ruan Yesheng when she cried in the play, and now she wasn't very sure how to comfort her either, but she knew she wanted to comfort her.
How should she comfort her?
Xi Mo had always been a rational person, and her rationality meant that her actions usually stemmed from her thoughts. She would plan first and then act.
But now, perhaps unusually, her actions were quicker than her thoughts. While she was still hesitating deep down, she subconsciously chose her actions.
Her hand that was holding Ruan Yesheng's waist gently guided her closer, then she hesitated briefly before instinctively pulling her into an embrace.
Ruan Yesheng was surprised by this move, her eyes widening, with tears still clinging to her eyelashes.
Perhaps due to etiquette, Xi Mo held her gently, not in a suffocating embrace, but with restraint.
When Ruan Yesheng snapped out of her surprise, it quickly turned into a kind of joy.
Her face still had traces of tears, and her heart was still sour, but amidst the bitterness, there was a sincere warmth and joy. She had never experienced this strange feeling before—wanting to cry and yet feeling happiness and wanting to smile. Hovering on the edge between sadness and joy, she felt as if she might be going crazy.
She really liked Xi Mo.
The more time she spent with her, the closer she got, the better she understood her, and the more she felt her unique tenderness, the more she couldn't be without her. Every day, she liked her more than the day before.
She wanted Xi Mo to know, but she didn't dare to let her know. She feared that if Xi Mo found out about her difficult-to-express feelings, she might distance herself. But sometimes she also felt that if she mustered the courage to tell her, Xi Mo might not refuse. Yet, if by any chance she did refuse, with Xi Mo's serious and rational nature, would they even remain friends afterward? She still wanted to stay by her side, maybe she wasn't ready to take that risk yet.
What should she do?
Ruan Yesheng gripped Xi Mo's clothes with both hands, suddenly tightening her hold.
Her tears not only didn't stop but seemed to increase even more than before, flowing down like a broken string, moistening Xi Mo's shoulder.
Sensing Ruan Yesheng's soft sobbing, Xi Mo didn't know what to do anymore, let alone what to say.
She thought for a moment and could only continue holding Ruan Yesheng, her hand gently patting her back from time to time as if coaxing a crying child. Though gentle, there was a stiffness that felt unfamiliar.
Then she heard Ruan Yesheng, buried in her shoulder, let out a snort, and unexpectedly started laughing.
Xi Mo: "..."
"...I'm not a child." Ruan Yesheng's words were muffled, with a nasal tone from crying.
Xi Mo immediately stopped patting her back.
Ruan Yesheng whispered, "I just said that, why did you stop patting me?"
Xi Mo hesitated for a moment, then awkwardly resumed patting her shoulder.
"...You're still a block of wood even when you try to comfort someone. I say something, and then you react and do something." Ruan Yesheng murmured softly.
Xi Mo: “Mm."
Ruan Yesheng reproached her, "Do you only act after I say something?"
Xi Mo countered, "Don't you want me to do what you ask?"
Ruan Yesheng: “...”
Xi Mo, seeing her silence, continued, "You want me to do as you say, but you don't like it? Do you prefer me to do the opposite of what you ask?"
"...That's not what I meant," Ruan Yesheng's voice softened, "...Can you help me get some tissues? Otherwise, I'll end up staining your clothes."
Xi Mo let go of her and pulled out a few tissues from the napkin box, handing them to Ruan Yesheng. "What did you mean by that?"
"...It doesn't really mean anything," Ruan Yesheng wiped her tears with the tissue, her gaze drifting aside.
Xi Mo pulled out another tissue, reaching toward her, but Ruan Yesheng leaned back. Xi Mo immediately grabbed her hand. "Don't move, it's not completely dry yet."
Ruan Yesheng had no choice but to stand still.
Xi Mo then helped her wipe away the tears and said, "You were crying and laughing just now."
"I'll go wash my face first," Ruan Yesheng left the table and walked to the restroom. The cold water splashed on her face brought her back to her senses. Though she somewhat regretted losing control of her emotions and crying in front of Xi Mo, she also felt not entirely regretful, especially since Xi Mo had hugged her. Thinking this way, she found herself in a state of contradiction.
After sorting through her thoughts, she calmed down and walked out of the restroom.
Xi Mo was already seated, her expression back to its usual calmness. She said, "Continue eating before it gets cold and loses its taste."
Ruan Yesheng walked over and sat beside her.
"Aren't you going to ask me any questions?" Ruan Yesheng asked, looking as if she already knew the answer.
“Eat first.”
Following Xi Mo's suggestion, Ruan Yesheng quietly began eating her dinner.
After she finished eating, Xi Mo remained silent for a moment before asking, "Why were you crying just now?"
This translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Ruan Yesheng lowered her head and softly replied, "I was just missing my mom a bit."
She lifted her gaze and smiled again, "Sorry you had to see me lose my composure like that.”
Xi Mo said, "No need to apologize. You can cry in front of me. Don't feel burdened."
Ruan Yesheng looked at her.
Xi Mo paused and continued, "Of course, it would be better if you didn't cry."
"Do you dislike seeing others cry?" Ruan Yesheng carefully asked, "Do you think it's useless and embarrassing?"
In Ruan Yesheng's impression, she had never seen Xi Mo cry before. Xi Mo was proud and always seemed perfect, growing up in a privileged environment where everything seemed to go smoothly. In her acting career, she was at the top and admired by many. Except for crying in acting roles, it seemed like she had no tears and no need to cry.
"How could that be?" Xi Mo shook her head. "Everyone has vulnerable moments. Crying to release emotions is normal. Why would it be useless?"
Ruan Yesheng felt reassured by her words. It was strange how just moments ago she had been embarrassed and awkward about crying in front of Xi Mo, but now, being calmed down by Xi Mo's comforting hug and her words, she felt that crying in front of her wasn't embarrassing at all. It even felt subtly relieving.
Xi Mo added, "I've cried before too. So, there's no need for you to think anything of it."
Ruan Yesheng was taken aback.
She hadn't expected Xi Mo to bring this up, considering she had never seen Xi Mo cry before. This indicated that even if Xi Mo did cry, she would cover it up and not let others know, so she probably wouldn't reveal something as private as crying to someone else.
But she had told her.
Since crying typically involved sadness, especially for someone like Xi Mo, if it could make her cry, it must have been something deeply upsetting. Ruan Yesheng didn't want Xi Mo to recall anything painful, so she just nodded, avoiding further discussion on the topic.
"Which question do you want to ask first?" Ruan Yesheng seemed to understand Xi Mo's thoughts and said, "Do you want to ask about my mother first?"
Xi Mo glanced at Ruan Yesheng, hesitated for a moment, and eventually fell silent.
Ruan Yesheng smiled and said, "You don't have to worry about me. I know you actually have many questions to ask, and I'll answer them honestly."
