Chapter 78: I Can't Live Without You
This translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Ruan Yesheng propped herself up on the bed and immediately sat up.
Joy filled her from the inside out. Ruan Yesheng's hand touched the screen, ready to type a reply immediately. But in the next moment, she suddenly paused, thought for a moment, and stopped typing.
She grabbed a soft pillow, hugged it, and rested her chin on it while still holding her phone. She thought that Xi Mo probably assumed she was already asleep, which is why she sent the message. If Xi Mo had sent it earlier, she would have definitely chatted with her for a while. Xi Mo might have been worried about disturbing her rest, so she chose to send it now.
Judging from Xi Mo's instructions before leaving, considering how tired she was, she probably wanted her to go to bed early. If she replied, it would mean she was still awake, which might seem... a bit disobedient.
She actually wanted to leave a good impression of being obedient in front of Xi Mo.
Even if it was just pretending to be obedient.
So, Ruan Yesheng put down her phone but still held onto the pillow. She buried her face in the pillow for a while, then felt a bit ridiculous. Why was she thinking so much? But she just couldn't stop herself. Whenever it came to something related to Xi Mo, her thoughts would spiral endlessly.
Ruan Yesheng fell asleep amidst these fluctuating thoughts.
The next morning, as soon as the alarm clock rang, she got up immediately. The first thing she did was pick up her phone to reply to Xi Mo's message. She started typing in the input box: "I went to bed early yesterday, just saw this now..."
Ruan Yesheng typed this far and suddenly felt a bit lacking in confidence.
In front of others, she was naturally bright and never knew what embarrassment was. If she had to lie for some reason, she never needed a script. But in front of Xi Mo, she just couldn't do that. Lying to Xi Mo not only made her feel guilty but also somewhat embarrassed.
Ruan Yesheng had a change of heart and deleted the nonsense she had typed. She replaced it with a new message: "Good morning, I will wait for your breakfast."
She avoided mentioning when she actually went to bed last night, which made her feel much more at ease as she went to wash up and get ready.
The work schedule on set was always packed, it was normal to leave early and return late. When Ruan Yesheng went out and got into the car, the sky had just started to lighten. This time of year, the sun rose early, and in the morning, the air was still cool. A thin layer of red glow spread across the horizon. Ruan Yesheng opened the car window and looked outside, letting the morning breeze gently blow over her.
Ruan Yesheng arrived at the set in a great mood. Seeing that Xi Mo had arrived even earlier and was waiting for her in the dressing room made her feel even better.
Xi Mo was originally sitting on the sofa looking at her phone. When she saw Ruan Yesheng come in, she put her phone away, walked to the small table next to the sofa, and said, "Sit here."
There were two bags on the table. Ruan Yesheng sat down and smiled, "What breakfast did you buy?"
Xi Mo opened the bags and took out various kinds of breakfast, laying them out in front of Ruan Yesheng for her to choose from. "I bought these from a breakfast tea shop. I've eaten there before and thought the food was good. I got some of the types you like. Try them and see if they suit your taste.”
In the past, Xi Mo had asked her what dishes and meals she liked, and Ruan Yesheng had answered. She hadn't expected Xi Mo to remember after hearing it just once. For many people, such preferences might seem trivial, something to listen to and then forget, but Xi Mo had kept them in mind.
Ruan Yesheng glanced at the name of the breakfast shop printed on the takeout bag. She knew this tea shop, and considering the distance from the hotel, bringing the breakfast back at this hour meant getting up very early.
Seeing Ruan Yesheng seem a bit lost in thought and not moving, Xi Mo softly reminded her, "The dressing room will get crowded soon."
They arrived early today, and it wasn't yet time for makeup. The surroundings were very quiet. However, once people started arriving and things got busy, it would inevitably become noisy and chaotic. Ruan Yesheng didn't want to eat breakfast with Xi Mo in that kind of environment, so she quickly picked up a crystal dumpling and put it in her mouth. It was still warm.
She smiled and said, "Delicious."
Xi Mo also started eating. Her strict upbringing had ingrained in her the habit of speaking very little during meals.
Ruan Yesheng asked her, "Can I chat with you while we eat?"
Xi Mo: "..."
Ruan Yesheng's smile was full, but there was a hint of seriousness in it. Xi Mo said, "Yes."
"Will you be uncomfortable with it?"
Xi Mo shook her head, "No. It's mainly because my Dad has always demanded it since I was young, so it became a habit. If my dad was at the table, I usually wouldn't speak, so meals with him were very silent. But now, with you, it's fine. Say whatever you want, don't worry about it."
Ruan Yesheng nodded, "That's good."
Xi Mo looked at her and said, "I know most people like to chat while eating. Don't think that just because I don't talk much during meals, I don't like it. It's not like that. Work is busy, and perhaps people can only really relax with family and friends at the dining table. These moments are very relaxing. Being able to chat freely while eating is a very happy experience, and I envy that."
Ruan Yesheng rarely heard her say such things. She was a bit surprised and noticed the light in Xi Mo's eyes, which indeed showed some envy and longing.
Chatting while eating is something that most ordinary people in society wouldn't even think about because it happens so naturally. It's as habitual as drinking water when thirsty or eating when hungry. Does it even need to be thought about? In any restaurant, you can see people eating and chatting at the same time. Even in quiet, high-end restaurants, many patrons still engage in polite, low-voiced conversations without disturbing others. After all, meals take time, and if the diners don't communicate at all during that time, it would be very awkward.
Such a simple thing, Xi Mo even felt envious. Ruan Yesheng could easily imagine how lonely Xi Mo must have been in the past.
"When you eat with your Dad, do the two of you not talk at all?" Ruan Yesheng asked her.
"That's mostly the case unless there's something necessary," Xi Mo replied.
This translation is originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Ruan Yesheng comforted her, "Maybe your Dad just doesn't know how to express himself in front of you. He might not really care that strictly about dining etiquette. I remember when we went to the estate together, I noticed he actually knew how to chat well. After all, he's a businessman, and I think the art of language is something he's mastered."
She looked at Xi Mo and laughed, "You and your Dad have some similar personalities. This makes it harder to communicate. Someone has to start the conversation, or the stalemate won't break. Now that you know your dad actually cares about you and you're not afraid of him anymore, you can try initiating chats when you visit him at the estate. He'll surely be happy to respond."
Xi Mo listened to Ruan Yesheng's words and thought they made sense, but she still said, "My Dad won't happily respond. I rarely see him happy."
"He's happy inside. He can feel delighted without showing it on his face," Ruan Yesheng glanced at Xi Mo sideways, "Aren't you the same way?"
Xi Mo: "..."
"Can you tell if I'm happy right now?" Xi Mo stared at Ruan Yesheng, keeping her expression composed.
Ruan Yesheng didn't speak, her eyes drifting away.
She really couldn't tell.
She didn't know why, but in the past, she could still grasp Xi Mo's thoughts. Now, it is becoming harder. She didn't know what Xi Mo was thinking, so sometimes she would have a thought that even she found strange: that Xi Mo might have sensed something and was deliberately hiding her thoughts, not letting her see through them.
...Could it be that Xi Mo had noticed her feelings?
Is that why she had become so hard to read?
Ruan Yesheng felt herself slipping into a strange cycle of delusions again. People with secret crushes are always humble, sensitive, and prone to overthinking. They like to guess the other person's feelings, which easily leads to many misunderstandings, and she is no exception.
The reason it was unavoidable was also simple.
Because she likes her.
As long as the feelings of liking were still there, even if she was rational, it was hard to control the chaotic emotions deep inside.
"I can't tell; I don't have that ability." Ruan Yesheng smiled and subtly changed the topic, "Besides not talking much while eating with your Dad, what about other times?"
Xi Mo lived in her own house. Throughout the year, besides working outside or occasionally visiting her father at Xi Family Manor, she spent the rest of the time at home.
Xi Mo said, "Work is different. Besides Lu Qingming, I have various assistants. They know my previous habits and usually don't bother me while I'm eating. At home, besides the maid handling household chores, I live alone. I eat alone and have no one to talk to."
I'll keep you company in the future.
Ruan Yesheng looked at Xi Mo, and the words in her heart almost rushed to her lips, but she managed to hold them back. She lowered her eyes and silently stuffed a pastry into her mouth to stop herself.
"But it's different now. To adapt to your identity, I have to eat and chat with your friends often, like Tangtang and Yan Tinghuan. Actually, I'm not uncomfortable with it. Sometimes, I think life now is pretty good, very lively. They are actually quite nice."
Xi Mo looked directly into Ruan Yesheng's eyes and softly said, "Of course, you are very nice too."
Ruan Yesheng's chopsticks paused, and she felt even happier.
She felt that Xi Mo was different from before. However, she still believed that Xi Mo might have always been like this. It was just that Xi Mo didn’t engage deeply with others, so no one could get close enough to understand her. Now, as their relationship grew closer, Xi Mo's true, gentle side gradually revealed itself.
In her happiness, Ruan Yesheng asked with great interest, "Why did you bring me breakfast?"
Xi Mo replied, "Actually, I picked it up for you yesterday, but you took a leave and didn't get to eat it, so I had to make up for it today."
Ruan Yesheng: "..."
"You feel uncomfortable if you don't finish the work and make up for it, right?" Ruan Yesheng snorted in response: “You're still like a block of wood. You can't even chat."
When Xi Mo heard this, she looked at her and said directly, "I want to bring it to you."
Ruan Yesheng: "..."
"Can I chat now? Or still a block of wood?" Xi Mo asked her.
Ruan Yesheng seemed to be suddenly struck by the "wood" as if it had hit her like a sudden burst of flowers, making her feel pleasantly surprised both inside and out. She did not say anything but took a bite to show her joy. Then she continued, "This is so delicious. If you keep bringing me breakfast in the future, I am afraid I will not be able to live without you—"
Xi Mo glanced at her.
Ruan Yesheng smiled, "—I will not be able to live without your breakfast."
Xi Mo: "…"
After the two had breakfast, other members of the crew gradually started to come in. Some who had not had breakfast yet quickly gathered around the table to eat in a hurry, while others were busy preparing for makeup. A few people chatted softly about gossip as they worked, their expressions looking peculiar.
Today, Feng Tangtang did not need to prepare breakfast, so she went out to shop while the morning temperatures were still low. Even though she left early, she did not arrive at the set too late. When she entered the dressing room, Xi Mo had already finished getting ready, while Ruan Yesheng, with a more complicated makeup and hairstyle, still had some steps left unfinished.
Feng Tangtang walked over and said to Ruan Yesheng, "Sister Xi, what would you like to have for lunch? The ingredients are quite fresh today, and I also bought a fish."
As she spoke, she listed the items she had bought today. Ruan Yesheng sat in the chair, allowing the makeup artist behind her to work on her styling. Based on Feng Tangtang's list, she reported the names of the dishes.
Feng Tangtang then asked Xi Mo, "What about Ruanruan?"
Xi Mo also named a dish.
The makeup artist smiled and said, "Tangtang's cooking is so good. When can we get a taste and enjoy a little special treatment?"
In the entertainment industry, there are countless crews, each with its own dynamics. This crew had a harmonious atmosphere, with few barriers between the director, lead actors, supporting roles, and behind-the-scenes staff. Conversations were casual, and jokes were common.
"Feel free to come anytime, but remember to book in advance," Feng Tangtang replied with a smile.
Though she was simple and kind-hearted, she knew that the crew members would not actually come to eat together; it was all in jest, and she answered politely.
Seeing that Xi Mo had already changed into her costume and had nothing else to do for now, Feng Tangtang began talking to her.
She mentioned some things about shopping today. As she went on, her voice grew a bit softer, "Ruanruan, I could have come back earlier, but the usual road was blocked, so I had to take a detour."
One of the people who had been gossiping overheard and interjected, "Yes, it was really badly blocked. I had to take a detour too. Tangtang, did you see what happened?"
When Feng Tangtang heard someone had experienced the same thing, she quickly responded, "I only looked from outside the crowd and didn’t dare to go in and see up close. I was scared."
"What happened?" Xi Mo frowned.
Feng Tangtang whispered, "This morning, someone died on that road."
