Chapter 6: Does She Still Not Have A Clear Understanding Of Herself?
Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=5821232
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com
Even though Qin Shiyue was not very capable, she still felt pretty good about herself and was quite confident. Because of this, she lived carefreely. But this confidence stacked on top of her looks was easily shattered.
Qin Shiyue had never seriously thought about these questions from Kong Huizhi before.
Qin Shiyue thought deeply for the first time: Does she love her current job? It seemed she did not hate it, nor did she particularly like it. She just felt that compared to other jobs, this one suited her better, and she seemed to be more competent at it. As a female star, just relying on a pretty face given by her parents, she could win the affection of many people and make quite a bit of money, making herself seem not too bad. But were these truly because of her own ability? Clearly not. At first, all her resources were given by her sister. Now it looked like she was doing okay, but actually, it was all because her sister paved the way for her.
But did she really do her job well? Clearly not. Her poor acting skills, which had been the same for ten years, were repeatedly ridiculed by others. She had never thought of improving her acting skills, instead just getting by day to day.
What about hobbies? She had learned dancing, singing, various instruments, and drawing. It seemed she had learned a bit of everything, but she always gave up halfway because she was afraid of being tired. There was nothing she was truly good at.
Besides pursuing Kong Huizhi, did she have other pursuits? Qin Shiyue sadly realized she did not seem to have any other pursuits.
Of course, Qin Shiyue would resist and argue in her heart, thinking that living happily was what mattered, right? Why should pursuing love be considered less important than pursuing other things?
But the love she pursued did not make her happy. Instead, it was the source of her greatest unhappiness. She used to fantasize that as long as she treated her well enough, Kong Huizhi would be moved by her sincerity and accept her. Now, Qin Shiyue clearly recognized a fact: Kong Huizhi would never love someone she did not care about. After realizing this, Qin Shiyue could no longer stubbornly and blindly cling to someone who did not care about her like she did before. Her self-esteem, already trampled into the mud by Kong Huizhi, would not allow her to do so anymore. So this time, she agreed to the divorce.
Normally, Qin Shiyue was used to being ridiculed for her lack of acting skills and did not think much of it. But during the divorce, Kong Huizhi's words, along with the humiliation and ridicule from Lin Qingyi, who was her love rival, dealt a fatal blow to Qin Shiyue, who was already in her most vulnerable state.
This made Qin Shiyue start to doubt herself, feeling like a useless person who could not do anything right, just an empty vase with a pretty face. Without this face, she thought she would be nothing.
Heartbreak plunged her into pain, self-doubt, and self-denial. It felt like a long, cold rain soaking her heart, making it swollen and unbearable.
However, Qin Shiyue had grown up in an environment of love and sunshine. Long-term self-pity was not her nature; knowing shame and then being brave was her nature.
Letting go and allowing Kong Huizhi to leave was already a decided matter. Since Kong Huizhi was no longer her pursuit, Qin Shiyue felt she should have a new pursuit and goal.
Being ridiculed by everyone, even Lin Qingyi, for her poor acting skills, Qin Shiyue decided to start with her acting. She wanted to make Kong Huizhi see that she was not useless. She also wanted to blind Lin Qingyi, this green tea bitch, and slap her face, making her swallow all her humiliating words.
This was the decision Qin Shiyue made after a few days of painful turning and tossing at home.
To slap the enemy's face, obviously just becoming skilled in acting was not enough; at the very least, she had to be better than her enemy to completely conquer her.
Thus, Qin Shiyue's goal became clear: she had to be a better actress than Lin Qingyi. Of course, she only dared to keep this goal to herself. If she said it out loud, people would probably laugh their heads off. Even Qin Shiyue thought this goal was a bit too grand, almost unrealistic.
But whenever Qin Shiyue thought of Lin Qingyi's smug, mocking face, she felt an uncontrollable anger and strength within her. Lin Qingyi had just two eyes and a mouth. She was just okay-looking. If Lin Qingyi could do it, why couldn't she? She had to try, right?
Growing up, everyone in the family pampered and indulged Qin Shiyue. No one required her to achieve anything specific; as long as she was happy, that was enough. In such an environment, Qin Shiyue was used to doing whatever she wanted. She had no tasks she had to do well or goals she had to achieve.
Because her life was too good, pampered and even spoiled by her family, she had become somewhat useless.
Now, for the first time, Qin Shiyue set a clear goal for herself and decided to stick to it no matter what, no longer retreating when things got tough.
With her goal set, Qin Shiyue started to move towards it.
After staying at home for a few days, she found all of Lin Qingyi's movies and started watching them on the big screen in her living room.
Fang Xinhua, who was half a nanny to Qin Shiyue, would come by every day. She either brought home-cooked meals or helped her order takeout, ensuring she visited daily. After all, she needed to report back to Boss Qin every day.
Except for the first few days when Qin Shiyue felt quite down, her mood gradually improved afterward. Fang Xinhua was quite satisfied with Qin Shiyue's self-recovery ability. An optimistic person is always likable.
In the past day or two, Fang Xinhua reported to Qin Shilan: Little Boss Qin seemed to be feeling better and that there should not be any major issues.
But today, when Fang Xinhua saw Qin Shiyue watching Lin Qingyi's famous work intently, she was not so sure about Qin Shiyue's mood anymore. After all, being overly focused on a romantic rival did not seem like a good sign.
"Why are you watching her movie?" Fang Xinhua asked tentatively.
"Just have nothing else to do, so I'm watching it." She could not tell Sister Fang that she wanted to surpass her. It was not suitable to brag about something not yet achieved.
Fang Xinhua thought that since she was considerate of Qin Shiyue's post-divorce and heartbreak situation, she had pushed work aside. If she did not want to be idle, ending the break was easy. She could stop staring at her rival, especially since the rival was quite outstanding, which would only add to her frustration.
"How about starting work again?" Fang Xinhua suggested, as work could best shift her attention.
"I don't want to work for now. I want to take another week off." Qin Shiyue was not in a hurry to work. She hoped that when she returned to work, she would have a brand-new look. She wanted to be reborn from the ashes! At this moment, Qin Shiyue had beautiful hopes.
"Alright then, I'll push back the work a bit." Miss Qin’er wanted to continue her vacation, so the work had to be postponed. Little Boss Qin could afford not to work for a living; she certainly had the privilege to take a break whenever she wanted, as long as it made her happy.
"How could she act so well in her first movie?" Qin Shiyue had already watched Lin Qingyi's first movie two or three times. The more she watched, the more she felt that comparing herself to others was infuriating. Lin Qingyi was practically at her peak right from her debut, and her acting was genuinely good. Admitting this about her rival left her feeling quite uncomfortable.
Fang Xinhua knew that Qin Shiyue was not looking to hear praise for her rival.
"She had the luck of meeting a famous director right from the start, which played a part." Fang Xinhua couldn't bring herself to disparage Lin Qingyi unfairly and chose a more objective angle. A talented actor who meets a director capable of bringing out their best would naturally achieve success.
"Do you think if I worked with a famous director, my acting would improve?" Qin Shiyue asked Fang Xinhua.
"It probably would." It would be hard to completely transform her acting skills, but under a famous director's lens, at least some flaws could be hidden.
"Next time, get me a role with a famous director. Don't find anyone else, just this director from this movie," Qin Shiyue said cheerfully to Fang Xinhua, pointing at the large screen.
Ha?! This?! Fang Xinhua was stunned upon hearing this.
Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=5821232
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com
Was her baby being a bit unrealistic? While the little master was indeed popular and had a lot of traffic, famous directors typically didn't care for these popular but shallow stars. They had to be responsible for their own reputations.
"Let's stick to TV dramas for now. The big screen might not be the best fit for you," Fang Xinhua suggested kindly, maintaining a responsible attitude towards her artist.
"I don't want to act in those crappy idol dramas anymore," Qin Shiyue firmly refused.
But those idol dramas are exactly what suits you since they don't require much acting skill, Fang Xinhua thought silently. She just chose not to voice the truth to avoid upsetting her unrealistic baby Qin'er. She just wondered: Does baby Qin'er still not have a clear understanding of herself?
Author's Note:
Fang Xinhua: Baby, let’s discuss one thing. Forget conquering Lin Qingyi in acting. Why don't you conquer her in bed and make her cry and beg you for mercy?
Qin Shiyue: Good idea, it's worth considering.
