Chapter 91: Heart Knot

Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=3614052
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too. 

Tonight, the bustling streets were too lively. To prevent carriages and horses from recklessly charging and injuring pedestrians, soldiers guarded the entrances of the busiest streets, strictly prohibiting horses and carriages from entering.  

When Shen Lingyun left with Shu Yao, it was the time when the fireworks were at their peak.  

The carriage could not enter, so she could only carry Shu Yao on her back and walk out of the bustling streets to find a carriage.  

“Lingyun…”

At first, Shu Yao still could not help but tremble. But as she lay on Shen Lingyun’s back and smelled the medicinal fragrance on her body, she gradually calmed down.  

She quietly lay on Shen Lingyun’s back for a long time. Yet, she still did not hear Shen Lingyun get angry or question her. In the end, Shu Yao could not hold back. She took the initiative to move close to Shen Lingyun’s ear and whispered, “I am sorry, Lingyun…”  

Shen Lingyun could not help but stiffen for a moment.  

Because of this, she finally stopped walking. She slightly tilted her head and immediately met Shu Yao’s extremely aggrieved expression.  

Shen Lingyun lowered her eyes, forcibly suppressed the heat rising at the tips of her ears, and did not ask for the reason. She only asked in a calm voice, “Are you alright now? Then come down and walk by yourself.”  

Upon hearing this, Shu Yao hurriedly tightened her hands even more, afraid that Shen Lingyun would just throw her down.

“No, the fireworks are still going off. I am afraid…”  

Back when Shen Lingyun first saved her, Shu Yao could not even bear to look at the faint firelight under the medicine stove without instinctively backing away in fear. Thanks to Shen Lingyun’s careful care, she slowly managed to control her fear of fire.  

But although she was afraid of fire, it was not to the point where she would lose control just from seeing fireworks. Without Li Xinyi’s provocation and without experiencing the moment she feared most, which is Shen Lingyun getting angry and abandoning her—she was already much calmer.  

Not only did the person in her heart not run away, but she was even willing to stay so close to her. How could she bear to waste such a rare opportunity?  

Fortunately, Shen Lingyun did not truly intend to throw Shu Yao down. Seeing that she continued to obediently lie on her back, Shen Lingyun resumed their journey home.

By the time Shen Lingyun walked out of the bustling streets, it was the moment when the Jinwei Camp was switching patrol shifts.  

“Miss, what is wrong?”  

Hearing the deputy general beside her call out, Ying Siling, dressed in full military attire, finally withdrew her gaze from Shen Lingyun and Shu Yao, whom she had been watching from a short distance away.  

Since carriages and horses could not enter the bustling streets, and the streets were at their liveliest at this hour, few people were leaving. Therefore, those waiting at this entrance were mostly servants left behind by various families to watch over their horses and carriages. There were few merchants renting out carriages here.

During the day, Ying Siling had already seen them once. Su Zian had not hidden anything from her, so she naturally knew that these two had a close relationship with the Princess living in Qingyang Sect. Originally, she had no intention of meddling in others’ affairs, but when she thought of Su Zian’s current situation, she had no choice but to change her mind and give instructions to the deputy general beside her.  

“You go and bring the carriage I originally prepared… Forget it, just send my Red Hare horse to them instead.”  

The carriage was reserved for her third sister and her friends. At this moment, the only thing Ying Siling could give them was her beloved horse.  

Hearing this, the deputy general was stunned for a moment. His first reaction was actually to wonder if he had misheard. 

He must have heard wrong… When had the Eldest Miss ever been willing to lend out her beloved horse?  

Other than the Young Miss of the Su family, no one else had ever received such treatment…

Not to mention, those were two complete strangers!  

“What are you standing there for? Go quickly!”  

Urged by Ying Siling, the deputy general finally came back to his senses. After confirming with the Miss multiple times, he finally dared to lead the horse over to the two.  

The horse was a fine steed, with two strings of silent bells hanging from its mane. It looked majestic and incredibly handsome.  

Receiving such a gesture of goodwill out of nowhere, Shen Lingyun was unwilling to accept it at first. It was not until the deputy general pointed toward Ying Siling in the distance, and Shu Yao recognized her as the girl they had briefly encountered in front of Linyuan Tower earlier that day, that she poked Shen Lingyun’s shoulder and whispered, “It is fine, just accept it.”  

As expected, people from the imperial court always liked to go around in circles instead of being direct.

Shen Lingyun furrowed her brows. She knew that relying solely on her strength to carry someone on foot was indeed inconvenient, and she might not be able to bring Shu Yao back safely. So, she did not refuse Ying Siling’s goodwill.  

After helping Shu Yao onto the horse, Shen Lingyun thanked the deputy general who had delivered it. Then, she pulled the reins and rode over to Ying Siling. She spoke solemnly, “Thank you, Miss. May I ask where your residence is? Tomorrow, I will have someone return this horse to you.”  

Ying Siling casually patted her beloved horse, which was affectionately nuzzling against her forehead. Stroking its mane, she replied, “No need. You two are returning to Qingyang Sect, right? I will come to retrieve it myself tomorrow.”  

Shen Lingyun did not argue with her. After offering another polite word of thanks, she urged the horse forward and set off on her journey home.

The two hidden guards following them in the shadows were pitiful. Before they could even find a horse for them, Ying Siling had already beaten them to it.  

“It seems this favor will have to be repaid by your imperial sister.”  

On horseback, Shu Yao still did not forget to act weak. She continued clinging to Shen Lingyun’s back, wrapping her arms tightly around her waist.  

Hearing Shen Lingyun’s voice all of a sudden, Shu Yao could not guess what she meant by that tone. She also could not tell whether she was pleased or angry at this moment.

Say she was happy, but she did not look like she was.  

Say she was angry, but she did not throw her off either.  

Shu Yao felt uneasy. She did not dare refute the mention of "imperial sister" in Shen Lingyun’s words, so she could only carefully choose her words and cautiously reply, “Do not worry, I… I have caused my imperial sister a lot of trouble before. This little thing, she surely would not mind.”  

As she spoke, Shu Yao secretly observed Shen Lingyun’s expression. Although she did not see her speak again, she also did not see her lose her temper on the spot, nor did she pull away the hands wrapped around her waist. Shu Yao could not help but feel a little pleased in her heart.  

She must have accepted it, right?

Shu Yao was uneasy and relieved at the same time. Even after Shen Lingyun sent her back, she still did not get an answer.  

Shen Lingyun finished tidying up, put out the lamp, and was about to leave when Shu Yao grabbed her hand.  

“You… you are not staying with me?”  

The room was dark, only lit by the moonlight outside. This made Shu Yao a bit braver.

Feeling Shu Yao’s cautious attitude, Shen Lingyun did not pull her hand away. She only let out a vague laugh.  

"Stay with you? Stay with you for what?"  

Shu Yao's face turned red.  

That sounded… a bit ambiguous.

In the deep of night, two women alone in a room, and she was only wearing her inner garments—no matter how she heard it, those words sounded like a flirtatious invitation.  

If it were before, Shu Yao might have played along. But tonight, the blade hanging over her head had yet to fall. How could she dare to be reckless and offend a beauty?  

She had no choice but to pretend she did not catch the ambiguous meaning, using a pitiful tone as she asked, "I am scared. I hope you can stay with me a little longer, is that okay?"  

Shen Lingyun directly clasped Shu Yao’s wrist, her voice low and cold.  

"Scared? But your pulse is steady. It does not seem like you are afraid at all."

Hiss—how could she forget that her beloved was a doctor?  

Being exposed so directly, Shu Yao simply stopped pretending. She stepped forward and hugged Shen Lingyun, pressing against her neck as she mumbled, "What I am afraid of is you leaving just like this and never paying attention to me again. What I am afraid of is you being angry at me but not saying it, instead bottling it up and making yourself suffer..."  

Shen Lingyun’s expression was unreadable. Though she did not push Shu Yao away, she still let out a soft scoff.  

Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=3614052
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too. 

"So even the Third Princess has moments of fear?"  

Alright, if Shu Yao still could not see that Shen Lingyun was throwing a tantrum, then she really must be blind.

Shu Yao seemed unable to hear the sarcasm in Shen Lingyun’s words. She simply spoke her true feelings with all seriousness.  

"Afraid? Of course, I am afraid. At first, I was afraid that you would be angry after finding out about this. Now, I am even more afraid of you pretending not to be angry. I know you are mad. Whether you hit me or scold me, it is fine. I did something wrong, and I am willing to accept the punishment. Although I am really scared that you will ignore me from now on… I… I am still willing to bear the consequences. As long as you say it, I will take responsibility for it… But please, do not keep it all inside and make yourself suffer, alright?"  

"Angry?" Shen Lingyun let out a self-deprecating laugh. "Yes, I should be angry."  

Only then did she raise her hand, cupping Shu Yao’s face. Looking into that one exposed eye, she finally spoke the grievance buried in her heart.

"Li Shuyao, ah Li Shuyao. How long have we been together day and night? In these two years, how many chances have you had to tell me the truth? But have you ever been honest with me? Again and again, you deceived me and kept things from me. What do you take me for? On the way back from the capital, how many times did I give you the chance to speak? But did you say anything? Even tonight, I was not without giving you a chance to confess. But what did you do? You let me hear about your background from someone else. Li Shuyao, at that moment, I was not angry—I was disappointed. Not long before that, I was foolish enough to think that tonight, I was the happiest woman in the world, that I had finally gotten what I wanted. But in that moment, the truth was like a bucket of cold water, waking me from my dream."  

What Shen Lingyun resented was not that Shu Yao was of imperial blood, but that Shu Yao had deceived her.  

Shu Yao's eyes turned red upon hearing this. Her chest felt tight and painful.  

"Then… do you not want me anymore?"  

Before Shen Lingyun could respond and stab her with the final blow, Shu Yao raised her hand and covered the back of Shen Lingyun's hand, pressing it against her mask.  

"I just managed to convince myself to tell you that I am willing to bear the consequences, but now I regret it. What should I do…? You just accepted my lantern tonight, and I have not even had the chance to be happy about it… I… I am not trying to force you… If you want to take back your words, I will respect your choice. Let us just pretend that the lantern never happened, alright? You can resent me, be angry at me, even ignore me if you wish. I only ask… I only ask that you leave me a chance to stay by your side. Can I?"  

Perhaps it was because Shu Yao's eyes were filled with tears yet stubbornly refused to let them fall—she looked too pitiful. Shen Lingyun's frustration finally melted into a sigh.  

"What am I supposed to do with you?"

Shen Lingyun had chosen to remain silent throughout the journey, not wanting to argue with Shu Yao, nor to let these matters ruin the rare clarity that had finally emerged between them.  

Now, seeing Shu Yao like this, she truly could not bear it.  

She did not want to quarrel with Shu Yao, but she also did not want to keep bottling up this knot in her heart. Left with no choice, she said helplessly, "I will not go back on my word. But I still need some time to calm down. I will leave tomorrow, and you are not allowed to follow me. When I have figured things out, I will come back for you. Since you have finally reunited with your sister, spend some time with her properly."  

Before Shu Yao could feel any relief, another possibility in Shen Lingyun’s words frightened her. She instinctively tightened her grip on Shen Lingyun’s hand.  

"What if you never figure it out? Can I come find you?"  

Shen Lingyun shook her head. "I cannot promise anything about the future. All I know is, if you refuse to let go and let me leave now, then our relationship might truly end here."  

Having a chance was still better than having none at all.

Shu Yao quickly let go, not daring to hold Shen Lingyun back any longer. She could only look at her eagerly and ask, "Can you at least let me know where you are going? Do not worry, I will not disturb you unless you allow it."  

Unfortunately, Shen Lingyun still shook her head and refused.  

As she left, she only left Shu Yao with one sentence.  

"Let us both take some time to calm down. Use this chance to truly think—am I just the person you are clinging to out of gratitude for saving your life, or do you really like me?"

Author's Note:

I work during the day, work out during lunch breaks, and write at night. Let’s see how long I can last without dying suddenly…

If nothing goes wrong, there should be an update tomorrow.