Chapter 105: My Happiness For The Rest Of My Life Depends On You
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Ruan Yesheng wasn't surprised. She just smiled and said, "I know. Hotel rooms aren't that big anyway."
Her smile at this moment wasn't really bright. It carried a kind of helpless feeling.
Last time she talked to Yan Tinghuan, she had said a lot. Most of it was open and clear stuff, and she had even hoped that Xi Mo could be there.
Only that one part where Yan Tinghuan accidentally slipped up—at that time, her heart had almost jumped up. That was the one thing she didn’t want Xi Mo to know.
But from Xi Mo’s expression now, it looked like she was talking about that exact secret Ruan Yesheng found hard to speak of.
Ruan Yesheng felt a bit nervous, waiting for Xi Mo to go on.
She was standing. Xi Mo, wearing her coat, sat on the chair and looked up at her. “That night, I said thank you to you. But actually, I should’ve also said sorry. I'm making up for that now.”
For a second, Ruan Yesheng looked a bit confused.
Xi Mo’s tone was honest. She even sounded more careful than ever before. “…I’m sorry.”
Ruan Yesheng asked her in a soft voice, “Why are you saying that?”
“I shouldn’t have decided things on my own. I didn’t ask what you wanted. I just brought you into this crew directly.” Xi Mo looked down, staring at the wooden floor under her feet. “Back then, I had just switched with you. If I couldn’t see my body every day with my own eyes, I wouldn’t feel safe. So that’s the only way I could think of.”
Her voice got lower and lower. “It was me. I didn’t think about how you would feel.”
This matter had always been a thorn in her heart, one that carried regret.
After holding it in for so many days, she finally wanted to pull that thorn out.
The more Ruan Yesheng listened, the more surprised she felt. But at the same time, joy was quietly filling her heart. While listening to Xi Mo apologize, she also carefully looked at her and noticed that Xi Mo’s cheeks were slightly red. She seemed really uneasy, like a student who had done something wrong and was now writing a self-criticism.
Xi Mo was such a proud person. For her to do this much, it must have been really hard.
But she still chose to do it.
Xi Mo continued seriously, “I can guess what Yan Tinghuan meant in her words. You were the one who chose to quit the industry back then. I don’t know what happened to make you give up your acting career. That’s your private matter, and don’t worry, I won’t try to ask about it. But now you’ve returned to the public eye because of me, and that probably goes against what you had planned, right? Did I bring you any trouble by doing this?”
As she spoke to this point, she sneaked a glance at Ruan Yesheng from the corner of her eye.
The window was open, and the bleak autumn wind blew into the room, but Ruan Yesheng’s heart felt warm and soft.
If she had felt uneasy before, now that Xi Mo had talked everything through with her, it was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She felt much more at ease.
She also felt braver now.
“No trouble at all.” There was a smile on Ruan Yesheng’s lips.
“Really?” Xi Mo turned her face toward her.
“Really.” Ruan Yesheng told a lie, but she still nodded with a smile.
She did not want Xi Mo to keep feeling guilty because of this.
Xi Mo stayed quiet for a while, then said, “If, after finishing filming Sui Ting, you don’t want to take more roles, I’ll respect your decision. With your identity, you can go back to living the way you used to, until we switch back.”
Ruan Yesheng did not expect her to say this. She almost felt like she was dreaming.
Would Xi Mo really be willing to give up everything and live her life using this face, even if it meant staying unknown and quiet?
“No, I want to.” Ruan Yesheng’s heart ached a little. She quickly took a few steps toward Xi Mo. “Even if you hadn’t arranged for me to join Sui Ting, I was already planning to take on some roles. I was preparing to come back.”
Xi Mo looked at her, as if trying to tell whether she really meant it.
She stared at Ruan Yesheng for a long time, then said, “If this is truly how you feel, then I’ll respect your choice now too. I’ll help you get some work.”
In fact, Xi Mo had actually discussed some of the recent job offers with Ruan Yesheng in advance and asked for her opinion.
Ruan Yesheng did not directly accept those offers. She only said they could wait and see.
Xi Mo had thought carefully on Ruan Yesheng’s behalf. In her eyes, those dramas and movies that sent invitations were not up to standard. Some were even the type to become infamously bad. Most variety shows were dull too. These offers were nothing more than attempts to take advantage of Ruan Yesheng’s current popularity while her appearance fee was still much lower than before, hoping to cash in on a cost-effective wave of heat.
Especially variety shows. In recent years, they had been inviting faded celebrities more and more often. Production teams carefully calculated, using these stars to stir up nostalgia while saving on costs. If the show turned out well, not only could those stars make a comeback, but the production team could also gain more side benefits, which would be helpful for producing future seasons.
Xi Mo looked down on these low-quality production teams. She felt that sending Ruan Yesheng to participate would be wasting her talent and would even affect her future development.
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
In Xi Mo’s view, with Ruan Yesheng’s ability, she had to choose good scripts. Even variety shows had to be ones with solid reputations.
She knew what Ruan Yesheng had dreamed of back in university.
Ruan Yesheng had wanted to win Best Actress.
If she had not left the industry back then, it was only a matter of time before she won that award.
At the time, Xi Mo thought that if Ruan Yesheng still held that dream in her heart, then she had to walk a path truly fit for her development. Those earlier offers were all unworthy, and since Ruan Yesheng did not show much interest, Xi Mo did not say more.
But yesterday, she received a phone call. She felt this one needed to be brought up.
“There is a job now. I think it suits you very well. The other party is also sincere,” Xi Mo said.
Ruan Yesheng trusted Xi Mo’s judgment. Since even Xi Mo thought it was a good fit, her eyes lit up: “What kind of job is it?”
“Director Gu called me,” Xi Mo said calmly.
Ruan Yesheng froze. She thought of something but still wanted to confirm her guess, so she asked softly, “Which Director Gu?”
“Who else could it be?” Xi Mo glanced at her. “It is Director Gu Ru, the one you just mentioned.”
Gu Ru is a well-known and award-winning person.
An almost uncontrollable joy appeared on Ruan Yesheng's face.
Gu Ru had truly been a benefactor to her. If Gu Ru had not chosen her as the female lead of “Sound of Steps”, she would not have become famous back then. At that time, she was still in school. Many in the industry questioned Director Gu Ru’s bold decision to cast such an inexperienced newcomer, but after the film was released, Ruan Yesheng gave a satisfactory answer.
The role of Ta Ge she played left a deep impression. That glimpse of her in red, barefoot in the snow, haunted countless movie fans’ dreams.
And because she had withdrawn from the scene, staying far from the harassment of haters, her image remained pure and beautiful. As time passed, people missed this kind of memory even more. “Sound of Steps” eventually became a classic film.
“Director Gu... what did she say when she called?” Ruan Yesheng asked.
“Of course it was about work,” Xi Mo said, recalling her call with Gu Ru. “That new movie she invited me to act in—one of the two female leads was originally set to be Cheng Miaoran. But later, Cheng Miaoran could not accept the requirement of staying with the crew throughout the whole filming process, so she kept trying to talk things over with Director Gu. After a while, Director Gu became displeased, and the collaboration fell through. She needed to find someone new. Just then, she saw some online news about you and learned you returned to acting, so she got in touch to ask if you would like to audition.”
Ruan Yesheng was shocked. “After all this time, Director Gu still remembers me?”
“Director Gu always had a good impression of you,” Xi Mo’s tone softened. “I worked with her before. She knew we were classmates, and she even asked me about you back then. But I did not really know your situation. Still, I could tell she felt it was a pity that you left the industry.”
Ruan Yesheng felt like she was dreaming.
Gu Ru’s new movie was a double female lead film.
Originally, the two female leads were set to be Xi Mo and Cheng Miaoran. Cheng Miaoran was a top-tier actress with many fans. She looked elegant and had solid acting skills—an actress with great potential.
“When is the audition?” Ruan Yesheng quickly asked.
Xi Mo stared at her. “Are you interested?”
“Of course,” Ruan Yesheng said. “The days I spent on set were the happiest for me. I like the feeling of acting. Before, I had no roles to take. It was so dull I thought I would die from boredom. Now I finally have a chance to come back, and even get an audition with Director Gu—I am thrilled.”
There was something she did not say out loud.
She liked being able to see Xi Mo.
She used to think that, before her problems were solved, she should not appear too much in front of the media. After all, the cameras and the public’s eyes would make her movements less free and bring too many restrictions.
If she were caught by the media during her investigation and anything was made public—even if the media was unaware—some detail in the picture might alert the other side. That would be extremely dangerous.
But now, her thoughts were starting to waver.
As days went by, she became more and more reluctant to part from Xi Mo’s presence.
Xi Mo belonged to this industry. She had always stood at the top, looking down on the rest.
If Ruan Yesheng wanted to be qualified to stand next to her, she had to return to the industry. But Xi Mo only took on major productions. That meant she could not just return—she had to succeed, become so famous that those well-known directors would want to invite her, only then would she have a chance to work with Xi Mo.
Otherwise, besides work, what other reason would there be for them to cross paths?
Before, she had gotten used to watching Xi Mo from afar, without much hope, and she had managed to stay calm.
But now, after spending so much time together, her growing desire had already tangled around her like silken threads. She could not break free. She could not bear to leave.
If she could win the lead role in Director Gu Ru’s new movie, then at least she would be able to spend a little more time with Xi Mo again.
She was also very familiar with the new movie script. There were many scenes where the two female leads faced off.
For her, this was definitely a temptation.
“Since it is a last-minute change, the time is tight,” Xi Mo said, watching her expression. “Director Gu said you can go to her for the audition this Friday. If you want to go, I will go for you.”
“Do I need to say? Of course, I want to,” Ruan Yesheng’s eyes and eyebrows curved with a smile. “Then my role in Director Gu’s new movie should be almost guaranteed.”
“So confident?” Xi Mo squinted at her and kept looking.
But a smile also appeared at the corner of her lips.
“This is not confidence,” Ruan Yesheng said. “I trust you. Your acting is so good, Director Gu will definitely be satisfied.”
The smile on Xi Mo’s face seemed clearer, almost reaching the point of lifting her lips.
She turned her face and looked at the ceiling, pretending to answer lightly, “I will try my best.”
“How can you just try?” Ruan Yesheng went behind her, put her hands on Xi Mo’s shoulders, and gently shook her. “My happiness for the rest of my life depends on you.”
Xi Mo turned and looked at her, her face a little strange. “What happiness? What does this have to do with your future?”
Ruan Yesheng leaned close and smiled warmly, “Think about it. If I act in Director Gu’s new movie this time, get more exposure, and if the movie becomes popular, won’t my future be smoother? Better job opportunities will come. Then of course I will be happy for the rest of my life.”
“Mm.” Xi Mo answered vaguely, “Is that so?”
“What else could it be?” Ruan Yesheng winked at her.
They were very close. Ruan Yesheng’s eyelashes almost touched Xi Mo’s face. Xi Mo quickly stood up and walked away a few steps.
Ruan Yesheng could not help but laugh, “Why are you hiding?”
“I am not hiding,” Xi Mo quickly walked to the window and said, “I... am looking at the view.”
Ruan Yesheng followed her, “Then I will look at the view too.”
Xi Mo: “...”
The two looked out the window at the same time.
From this view, they could see Xi Ji standing far away in front of Jian Yuan’s tombstone. He stood there, and no one knew how long he had kept that posture. Then he stretched out his hand and gently touched the photo on the tombstone.
“Your dad looks very sad,” Ruan Yesheng said softly.
“Yes. Every time after I leave, he stays alone with my mom for a while,” Xi Mo looked at Xi Ji’s back and felt a strange mix of feelings. “Once, on my mom's death anniversary, I hid far away and saw my father cry. That was the first time I ever saw him cry.”
Xi Ji finally hugged the tombstone and then walked away in the wind.
Author's Note:
Ruanruan, say your wish for happiness out loud. I will secretly tell Xi Mo, then help you make it come true. [
A yuri-er film crew, a yuri-er director—whether in wind or rain, Director Jun is waiting for you. [
