Chapter 37: The Lollipop Hit Was Good

Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=5310224
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com

“Feeling better?”  

He Lin nodded, then shook her head, then nodded again. She didn’t really know how to describe her feelings.  

People are strange. Even if they’re about to drown, they want someone to go down with them. Self-preservation seems like human nature.  

When she heard Jiang Shu say, “they are all just tools,” He Lin felt relieved. Not getting Jiang Shu’s love wasn’t because she failed, it was because no one could get it.  

“Don’t fall for the gold master, do you understand?” Jiang Shu squatted down, long arms on her knees, cold eyes looking at He Lin. Her gaze had pity, not real feelings.  

“Jiang Shu, you really know how to make a girl happy. You’re very charming.”  

“But you need to understand, happiness and love are two different things,” Jiang Shu said, her voice flat, her expression calm. “Protect yourself. Don’t be foolish enough to love someone who doesn’t love you.”  

Her tone was too calm, like she wasn’t talking about He Lin, like it was someone else.  

He Lin pressed her lips, shoulders trembling, tears sliding silently into her mouth. Maybe she had cried too long, even the saltiness of her tears was gone.  

Don’t love someone who doesn’t love you. Somehow, He Lin thought Jiang Shu made sense. Even though she thought Jiang Shu was a jerk, she couldn’t really hate her.  

Half a year ago, when money was tight, she chose Jiang Shu, and this deal. And before it started, Jiang Shu had said, take what you need, don’t get attached.  

During the days as Jiang Shu’s partner, Jiang Shu’s demands were low: no sex, no kissing, only occasional hugs. She felt like a doll, only there to be hugged when Jiang Shu wanted. Jiang Shu never asked for anything else.  

“Can I hug you once? One last time,” He Lin said, her eyes red.

“No.” Jiang Shu looked at her seriously, “from today, don’t have any thoughts about me. It’s over.”  

He Lin, who had just held back her tears, couldn’t anymore. Tears streamed down her face. “You’re too cruel, I won’t like you anymore.”  

Jiang Shu stood up, not wanting to talk more, and took out her phone. “It’s late, I’ll call you a taxi.”  

Before leaving, Jiang Shu transferred her some money so He Lin could live her own life, and that finally got her out.  

After sending He Lin off, Jiang Shu returned home. In the elevator, her mood was complicated and she felt irritated.  

Walking out, the corridor was quiet, and she only heard the click of her heels. The closer she got to the door, the less she wanted to go in, because she didn’t know how to talk to Ji Lianxing, or if she even needed to explain.  

About “Little Hedgehog,” it had nothing to do with “Little Rabbit.” He Lin had said she was born in the year of the rabbit so could be called “Little Rabbit”. Jiang Shu didn't think much of it and had called her that. Coincidentally, the names collided.  

She stood at the door, lost in thoughts, her hand reached for the doorknob several times but she couldn’t open it.  

Jiang Shu didn’t care about most things, and she didn’t care what past lovers thought of her, but if it was Ji Lianxing…  

She felt irritated and couldn’t stand herself like this, so she turned and walked toward the stairs.  

The convenience store was still open, and Jiang Shu planned to go in and buy a cigarette because she hadn’t smoked in a long time, only one or two when she was in a really bad mood.

“What do you need?” The night shift guy looked tired, but perked up a bit after glancing at Jiang Shu.  

“That one.” Jiang Shu pointed at a pack of Marlboro Ice Blast.  

At the checkout, she saw lollipops on the shelf and picked lychee and orange flavors, taking one of each and a lighter.  

“With these.”  

Coming out of the convenience store, a late wind blew. Jiang Shu wrapped her coat tighter, her dark brown hair flying in the wind. She tucked loose strands behind her ear and strode across the street.  

A streetlight stood on the corner. Jiang Shu stopped under it, the light spilling down, catching her hair. She looked beautiful but lonely. The night wind slid into her wide sleeves, sharp and cold against her skin.  

Click. The lighter flicked. A little spark clung to her fingers. The nicotine scent spread, and minty smoke slipped from her nose.  

She looked up at the sky. Orange streetlights twisted through layers of smoke. She tried to see the night sky, but it was murky. Gray or black, she couldn’t tell, just like she couldn’t understand herself.  

Swish. A taxi sped past, taking a stranger.  

Swish. Another one, a passenger in each car.  

She suddenly remembered a song called “Passenger.”

Jiang Shu smoked half the cigarette, finding it bitter and harsh. It was clearly something young people liked, but for her, smoking didn’t relieve stress much. She put out the rest, turned, and went home.  

At home, the living room was dark. Jiang Shu flipped the switch and the light came on, but the sofa was empty. The house was quiet. She went into the bathroom, it was still steamy. Ji Lianxing must have just finished showering and was probably upstairs.  

She went up decisively. Just now, downstairs, Jiang Shu had made up her mind. Whatever Ji Lianxing asked later, she would answer truthfully.  

She quietly pushed open the bedroom door. It was dark. Light from outside slanted through the gap, falling on the bed. Ji Lianxing lay on her side, as if asleep.  

Jiang Shu carefully walked to the bed and leaned over to check, but the light was too dim, and Ji Lianxing’s back was to her, so she couldn’t see clearly.  

“Are you asleep?”  

Silence. Ji Lianxing didn’t answer.  

“Sorry,” Jiang Shu thought. Whether she was asleep or not, she needed to say it.  

Ji Lianxing’s shoulders trembled, then came a soft sniffle, small like trying to squeeze ten thousand tons of emotion into a tiny can.  

Jiang Shu’s heart ached. Half-kneeling on the edge of the bed, she reached out to hold Ji Lianxing, wanting her to face her. When she did, she saw the pillow was soaked. Ji Lianxing had been crying for a long time.  

Jiang Shu felt sad. Each quiet sob cut into her heart. She pulled Ji Lianxing onto her lap, letting her rest her head there. Seeing that tear-stained face, Jiang Shu felt at a loss. She forgot how to speak sweet words. She forgot how to coax a girl.

Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=5310224
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com

“Sorry, tonight is my fault.”  

Only the word sorry, the weakest, most powerless word.  

“Don’t misunderstand, let me explain.”  

Ji Lianxing shook her head and wiped her tears.  

“She’s gone. She won’t come again.”  

“No need to say.”  

“Sorry, I didn’t handle this well.”  

“No need. Don’t, don’t say these things to me.” Ji Lianxing sniffled, moved away from Jiang Shu’s legs, sat up, and tried to wipe her tears herself. But no matter how she wiped, they wouldn’t stop. They just kept flowing.  

Jiang Shu felt her heart ache. She tore two tissues and helped Ji Lianxing wipe her tears. The warmth through the paper made her feel guilt even more. Each time she wiped, she realized how much the recent events had hurt her.  

“Okay, I won’t speak anymore.” Jiang Shu sat beside Ji Lianxing. She wanted to hold her, but hesitated. She thought Ji Lianxing might refuse, so she just stayed quietly, handing her tissues.  

Half the box on the bedside table was used. Jiang Shu kept thinking what to do. She had faced crying girls before. Back then, she could soothe anyone and say anything.  

But here with Ji Lianxing, she couldn’t say a word. She feared saying more was useless, feared it would make her cry harder, feared it would annoy her, and feared saying too much would make her seem fake.  

What should she do?

Feeling at a loss, Jiang Shu felt two lollipops in her pocket.  

Her throat moved, and seeing Ji Lianxing seemed to have stopped crying, she tried,  

“Do you want a lollipop?”  

Ji Lianxing didn’t answer, of course.  

Jiang Shu had no choice but to answer herself, “One lychee, one orange. I guess you like lychee, so I’ll take the orange one.”  

Lychee was Ji Lianxing’s favorite, it was really coincidental.

Jiang Shu started unwrapping the candy and held the lychee lollipop to Ji Lianxing’s lips, nervously coaxing, “Want a bite?”  

Ji Lianxing shook her head, silent.  

“Not eating? Just one bite, we can share.” Jiang Shu kept looking at her, her face full of pleas.  

Ji Lianxing didn’t speak, because she didn’t know what to say.  

She understood, she had no right to interfere with the past of a benefactor. Their relationship was always like a canary and a gold master, it was never equal. Since Jiang Shu was coaxing her, she should take the chance to accept. But still, she couldn’t stop wanting to cry, and even felt she didn’t want to see this face, because the sense of loss was overwhelming.  

“Just one bite.” Jiang Shu waved the lollipop by her lips several times.  

“I don’t want it.”

“Alright.” Jiang Shu put the lychee lollipop in her mouth, trying to stay patient, and said, “If you’re unhappy, you can ask me anything. I’ll answer.”  

“There’s nothing to ask.” Ji Lianxing’s emotions had calmed, “That’s your past. I have no right to interfere.”  

“But I don’t want any misunderstandings between us. Of course, you might already have a bad impression of me.”  

“It’s bad.” Ji Lianxing looked up, her eyes slightly swollen from crying, “But it doesn’t affect our relationship. You give, I take. Isn’t that enough?”  

Jiang Shu felt a weight on her chest. The lollipop in her mouth tasted bitter instead of sweet. She realized she might be caring too much about Ji Lianxing’s opinion.  

Feeling a bit discouraged, Jiang Shu took Ji Lianxing’s hand and placed the orange lollipop in her palm.  

Then she collapsed on the bed with a sigh, “I don’t think I can coax you properly.”  

“Don’t call me Little Hedgehog anymore.” Ji Lianxing threw the lollipop back. Accidentally, it hit Jiang Shu’s forehead with a crisp sound.  

“Hiss…” Jiang Shu held her head, a little stunned.  

Ji Lianxing realized she had hit her. She quickly turned on the light and leaned over Jiang Shu to check if she was hurt.  

“I didn’t notice your face was there!” Ji Lianxing’s fingers gently touched Jiang Shu’s head. She saw Jiang Shu’s eyes were slightly red, almost on the verge of tears, maybe she had really hit too hard just now.

“It’s fine.” Jiang Shu still had the lollipop in her mouth, her forehead pressed against Ji Lianxing’s fingertip. It hurt, but somehow the lollipop tasted sweeter.  

“Looks like you got a bump.” Ji Lianxing stared at her forehead, full of worry, “I’ll go get the first aid kit.”  

She was about to leave, but Jiang Shu grabbed her hand.  

“The lollipop hit was good. Don’t be mad.”  

Ji Lianxing didn’t respond. Even with Jiang Shu coaxing her, she couldn’t let go of her anger.  

“Jiang Shu, you don’t have to coax me like this.”  

“I do.”  

“No need. After all, I’m just a sleeping tool for you, right?”

Author's Note:

Regarding the crematorium, don't rush it; the fire needs to be strong and full. If we started the crematorium just because of the phrase "sleeping tool," the story would seem very thin. The plot will still stick to the outline and won't disappoint everyone.