Chapter 78: Feelings Probably Can't Be Fully Reasoned Out Or Judged Right And Wrong

Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=5821232
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com

Lin Qingyi’s words about lacking self-awareness made Qin Shiyue’s face turn pale. Qin Shiyue cared too much about Lin Qingyi, which made Lin Qingyi’s words more damaging than anyone else’s. Never had anyone hurt Qin Shiyue so badly with just one sentence. It was like the softest spot in her chest was lightly cut by the sharpest knife, leaving a deep wound.

“You can teach me, and I’ll work hard to learn…” Qin Shiyue was somewhat afraid of Lin Qingyi’s anger, so her voice was weak as she tried to argue for herself. She would definitely work twice as hard. She felt it wasn't that she lacked self-awareness. She just didn't want to be separated from Lin Qingyi. Once separated, it would be more than half a year. She also didn't want Lin Qingyi to act in a double female lead drama with someone else.

Lin Qingyi knew very well that Qin Shiyue had no clear grasp of what she was about to do. She was used to acting willfully and was also used to relying on others.

“If you had fought for this role by yourself, I’d have nothing to say. But you got this role through your sister. This is not your ability. This is your sister’s ability. Borrowing the tiger’s power to bully others is always meaningless. Now, you are projecting this kind of reliance onto me too. You think that as long as I’m here, I can lead you to act well. Let’s not even talk about whether I have the ability to make your acting improve by leaps and bounds. Your way of thinking is very dangerous. If one day you’re in trouble, and neither I nor your sister can help you in time, what will you do? Have you thought about that?” Lin Qingyi asked in disappointment mixed with anger. Of course she was willing to be relied on by Qin Shiyue. But if Qin Shiyue treated relying on others as a habit, or even as something natural, it would definitely not be a good thing for Qin Shiyue. She didn't need Qin Shiyue to be extremely strong, but at least she needed her own backbone. So when others couldn't support her, she could still stand firm and not collapse.

Qin Shiyue wanted to open her mouth to retort and say she didn't think that way. But sadly, she found she couldn't squeeze out a single word to refute. Every sentence Lin Qingyi said hit the most fragile part of her heart. She really did get this role because of her sister. She had no ability to fight for it herself. She also really wanted to rely on Lin Qingyi. She felt that as long as Lin Qingyi was there, it probably would not turn out too badly.

Lin Qingyi’s words were more than a hundred times more powerful than what Kong Huizhi had said back then. Her inner wall completely shattered. She really wanted to cry, but the tears were blocked, along with all her emotions, stuck in her heart.

So in Lin Qingyi’s heart, she was actually useless too. She should have known long ago that she had no ability. At this moment, she didn't even know where her previous confidence came from to dare to do this. Probably because Lin Qingyi liked her, she swelled up. Lin Qingyi’s liking seemed to become something she relied on. But someone as empty as her, where was there anything that could truly attract Lin Qingyi? The her that Lin Qingyi liked was like a sandcastle, only beautiful to look at. Her sandcastle couldn't support Lin Qingyi’s liking at all. Sooner or later, that liking would collapse together with the sandcastle.

Thinking that she wasn't worthy of Lin Qingyi’s liking, waves of cold spread from Qin Shiyue’s chest.

Lin Qingyi saw that Qin Shiyue didn't answer, but her expression looked worse than crying. This made Lin Qingyi soften a bit and feel that her words might have been too harsh.

“Do you really want to act in this drama?” Because she softened, Lin Qingyi’s tone also softened a lot.

Lin Qingyi’s softened attitude made Qin Shiyue mistakenly think that after Lin Qingyi vented her anger, there might be room to turn things around. Although Lin Qingyi’s words were like countless thorns stabbing into her chest, Qin Shiyue couldn't care about the pain right now. Even if, as Lin Qingyi said, she really lacked self-awareness, she still wanted to act in this drama. Because never before had she been as eager as now to grow, to be useful, and to become valuable.

Qin Shiyue nodded.

“Alright. You act in this drama. I’ll withdraw. Work is work, and feelings are feelings. I don’t want to mix work with feelings.” Since Qin Shiyue insisted so much, Lin Qingyi decided to withdraw from the drama. She didn't want work to affect their relationship. With such an unpleasant beginning, if they forced themselves to continue filming together, it would be hard to avoid bringing work emotions into their emotional life. Being affected once was enough. Lin Qingyi didn't want to be continuously affected.

Lin Qingyi refusing to act together with her hurt Qin Shiyue even more than those knife-sharp words earlier. The tears Qin Shiyue couldn't cry just now instantly slid down. Her eyes turned extremely red.

“You don’t need to withdraw. I’ll withdraw…” Qin Shiyue said while choking up. If Lin Qingyi didn't act and she acted alone, it would probably be a joke.

Lin Qingyi felt her decision wasn't wrong. But seeing Qin Shiyue cry so sadly made her heart a mess. She was clearly not wrong, and Qin Shiyue was the one at fault. So why was her mood so restless? She even couldn't help doubting whether her decision was really right.

“Think it through carefully first,” Lin Qingyi said, her tone even softer than before. She felt that both she and Qin Shiyue needed to calm down.

When Lin Qingyi left, Qin Shiyue didn't try to stop her.

But after Lin Qingyi left, Qin Shiyue cried loudly. Her emotions and thoughts fell into an abyss. Lin Qingyi had no intention at all of acting together with her. And she herself was originally not worthy to act with Lin Qingyi. This was clearly a very objective and realistic problem. But why did she still feel so sad? Probably because behind this unworthiness, it also seemed to imply that she wasn't worthy of Lin Qingyi herself. Everyone thought so. Even Lin Qingyi probably thought so too.

The more Qin Shiyue thought about it, the sadder she became, crying until she couldn't stop.

She cried for as long as Lin Qingyi was gone.

Lin Qingyi thought that by not facing Qin Shiyue’s emotions, her own emotions would get better. In fact, after leaving, her emotions not only didn't get better, they became even more irritable. She knew that by not acting, she was indirectly forcing Qin Shiyue to withdraw. Rationally, she knew her decision wasn't wrong. Emotionally, she couldn't feel at ease. She knew Qin Shiyue would definitely feel sad because of her decision.

Obviously, she cared about Qin Shiyue’s emotions.

Reason and emotion were fighting, fiercely, and neither could win.

“Am I being too harsh?” Lin Qingyi asked Bai Wenxi. The battle between reason and emotion had no winner. Maybe she needed an outsider to be the judge.

“Not too much. Baby Qin’er was wrong first. No matter what decision you make, it’s correct. Separating work from feelings is also correct,” Bai Wenxi said. She was somewhat surprised that Lin Qingyi actually doubted her own decision. It showed she really cared about Baby Qin’er’s feelings.

“You also think I’m right?” Lin Qingyi thought her decision was right too, but there was always a knot in her heart that she couldn't smooth out.

“By logic, whatever you do is right. But I think feelings probably can't be completely reasoned out or judged right and wrong. If you decide like this, Baby Qin’er will be very sad. She will feel that she doesn’t even have this bit of privilege with you. How about later you comfort her properly,” Bai Wenxi thought. Liking means privilege. Baby Qin’er did this more or less relying on your liking. If Baby Qin’er can't feel even a tiny bit of privilege from this liking, she will definitely doubt whether she is truly liked. In the future, she will surely restrain herself or even become cautious. There might be an extra crack in her heart.

Her mistress used her own withdrawal to force Qin Shiyue to withdraw. It was a bit intense. She felt her mistress’method could be a little gentler. She could say the softest words and make the hardest decision. Best would still be the kind of quarrel at the head of the bed and make up at the foot of the bed*. Of course, this cannot really be blamed on her mistress. Baby Qin’er acting first and reporting later was indeed too much. With her mistress being angry, a more intense attitude is understandable.

*refers to a couple quarreling, but as long as they don’t leave the bedside, they will reconcile/ not let a quarrel brew overnight.

Lin Qingyi fell into silence as she listened. She knew that Qin Shiyue insisting on grabbing this female lead role was definitely not for utilitarian reasons. It was more because of her. She wanted to be with her.

Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=5821232
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com

Lin Qingyi suddenly realized that in this matter, she had never considered it from Qin Shiyue’s perspective. If she started from Qin Shiyue’s perspective, taking this drama had huge benefits for her. A good director, a good script, and her help, she would probably make very big progress. Such an opportunity was very rare for Qin Shiyue. But before this, she only considered herself. She wanted to win an international Best Actress award and feared producing a bad film in her career. What she thought about was all the damage she herself might face.

“Am I very selfish?” Lin Qingyi suddenly asked Bai Wenxi.

Lin Qingyi’s question completely stunned Bai Wenxi. After all, a normal person would make such a decision. Letting the less capable Qin Shiyue withdraw was the decision that pleased everyone. Sacrificing everyone’s interests, including her own, just for Qin Shiyue’s growth, that would be true love.

“That depends on whether you’re more willing to achieve yourself, or choose to make her more complete. Choosing the former is the correct decision under reason. Choosing the latter is putting feelings before reason. Career or woman, it depends on what you choose,” Bai Wenxi felt that since she asked this, she probably already had an answer in mind.

“I choose the woman,” Lin Qingyi said, making her decision quickly after thinking it through.

“Love-brained? That's a very good opportunity to miss,” Bai Wenxi teased.

“It’s not being love-brained. It’s confidence in my own strength. It’s only a matter of time,” Lin Qingyi didn't think this was her only opportunity. She had the ability. Such opportunities would come sooner or later. Slowing her pace a bit and pulling Qin Shiyue along to walk together was fine. After all, Qin Shiyue was the partner she chose. If she wasn't obedient, she could slowly adjust and teach her.

“The director should hate you and Qin Shiyue to death. He hopes more than anyone that you choose your career,” Bai Wenxi teased.

Author's Note:

Although everyone really wanted this to be angsty, I couldn’t do angst for more than two chapters. I’m truly a sweet story author.

But Lin Qingyi’s words still had a great impact to Qin Shiyue.

Red envelope will be randomly dropped.