Chapter 198: Reaction
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Ruan Yesheng was kissed breathless, but she still couldn't bear to let go of Xi Mo's embrace. She turned her face to the side and pressed it against Xi Mo's shoulder, her breathing heavy. She said, "...I really admire you."
"Why?" Xi Mo asked, puzzled. At the same time, she put one arm around Ruan Yesheng and wrapped the other around her body, gently stroking her back as if to soothe her breathing.
"Aren't you even out of breath?" Ruan Yesheng's breath was still trembling.
Xi Mo: "..."
Ruan Yesheng sensed that she seemed a little embarrassed, and even her body stiffened slightly, so she smiled and subconsciously snuggled closer to Xi Mo.
"Maybe I... have a better lung capacity?" Xi Mo said.
"So you're saying my lung capacity is worse than yours?" Ruan Yesheng snorted.
“I didn’t say that.” Xi Mo pulled her soft body onto her legs, trying to find some logical evidence to support her claim: “But you can’t swim, I can. What do you think that proves?”
“This means I can’t swim.” Ruan Yesheng blinked. “I need to sign up for lessons.”
Xi Mo's lips moved as if she wanted to say something, but in the end she remained silent.
"Do you want me to learn from you?" Ruan Yesheng realized.
Unexpectedly, Xi Mo shook her head seriously: "I want to, but I can't. I don't have a swimming coach's certificate; it's not legal."
Ruan Yesheng nestled in her arms, laughing so hard her body trembled: "There are plenty of places where you don't have a certificate, and you don't have one now either. But you are still doing ‘internship’ with me.”
Xi Mo: "..."
She coughed and gently pinched Ruan Yesheng's waist with the hand that was wrapped around her: "Then I won't come to 'intern' tomorrow, since I don't have a certificate anyway."
"No." Ruan Yesheng protested, hugging her and kissing her several times. "You have to come."
"Mm... I understand." Xi Mo's lips curled up slightly, then quickly went down.
“But, were you changing the topic just now?” Ruan Yesheng’s mind turned fast. She wouldn’t be led away by Xi Mo. “I was talking about something else, and you started talking about lung capacity and swimming?”
Xi Mo lowered her eyes and looked to the side.
"Tell me the truth." Ruan Yesheng kissed Xi Mo's ear. "Are you trying to fool me?"
Xi Mo shuddered and hugged Ruan Yesheng even tighter. She managed to catch her breath before whispering, "No, it's not that. I just..."
"Just what?" Ruan Yesheng's lips moved closer to Xi Mo's ear, her breath like a gentle breeze.
Xi Mo steadied herself and said truthfully, "I'm just... enduring."
Ruan Yesheng could sense that Xi Mo had been holding back quite a bit when they were being intimate these past few days. However, Ruan Yesheng wasn't surprised by Xi Mo's reaction, since she had always thought Xi Mo was rather reserved. She just hadn't expected Xi Mo to tell her directly that she was enduring.
She felt happy inside, but pretended to be a little disappointed: "So that's how it is. I thought it was because I wasn't charming enough."
Xi Mo immediately straightened up and quickly said, "No, I just wanted to see more clearly."
Ruan Yesheng froze for a moment, unable to reply. Seeing that Xi Mo was also silent, she asked in a low voice, "What... do you want to see clearly?"
Xi Mo remained silent.
Ruan Yesheng hugged her, gently shook her, and urged her to answer, "Tell me."
Xi Mo's face flushed slightly, and after being pressed several times, she finally said, "...I want to see your reactions clearly."
“…Oh.” Ruan Yesheng quickly understood, a smile playing at the corners of her eyes, and gave a meaningful response: “I don’t understand, maybe I’m just too slow.”
Xi Mo: "..."
Seeing Ruan Yesheng's moist yet expectant gaze so close, Xi Mo hesitated for a moment before finally speaking in a low voice: "I hope to see clearly, understand your reactions, and remember your preferences. I want to know if you feel happy, comfortable, or uncomfortable anywhere... If I don't try my best to hold back, I might not be able to observe you deeply enough."
Upon hearing this, Ruan Yesheng remained silent, but her breathing became intensely hot.
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
"Is that bad? Not romantic enough? It's all instinctive, but I have to... I have to observe and remember." Xi Mo immediately said, "If you think it's not good, I can change it."
"Why do you have to change just because I don't like it?" Ruan Yesheng murmured softly, "You are you, and you don't need to change for anyone, including me."
“What if I want to change for you? Not because I’m forced, not because I need to, but simply because I want to.” Xi Mo blurted out without thinking.
Ruan Yesheng was taken aback for a moment, then her eyes flashed with light as she said, "Then... that will be my honor."
As she spoke, she took Xi Mo's hand: "But I don't think there's anything wrong with what you did just now. On the contrary, I think it's very good and cute. Because you were seriously thinking about me, so... I'll also let you know that I care about you a lot."
Xi Mo felt that hand guiding her hand slowly downwards. Her heartbeat quickened until her fingertips touched the warmth and moisture directly and clearly, causing her fingers to tremble suddenly.
These days, she would spend some time in Ruan Yesheng's room. Although it's only for a short time, Ruan Yesheng gave her many thrills she had never felt before. This was the first time she had been so close to Ruan Yesheng's secret place without any fabric blocking between them.
"Xi Mo." Ruan Yesheng's nose gently touched Xi Mo's ear: "I want you to understand more about my... reactions, okay?"
“I…” Xi Mo’s lips trembled slightly.
“I know you feel unprepared…” Ruan Yesheng said softly, “Maybe you don’t need to be so prepared. If you’re still worried about hurting me, then maybe you can try… try…”
The last two words she uttered were so soft, they seemed to drown in Xi Mo's ears.
Xi Mo turned her body a little, placing one arm to support Ruan Yesheng's neck. The low response in her throat was quickly drowned out by Ruan Yesheng's lips, while her other hand followed Ruan Yesheng's guidance.
"Why... why are you so gentle?" Ruan Yesheng chuckled softly, mixed with a few unbearable moans.
Xi Mo's face suddenly flushed red: "I'm afraid you'll feel uncomfortable."
“Then look closely at my reaction. Do you think I’m uncomfortable… or comfortable?” Ruan Yesheng followed her movements.
Xi Mo didn't dare to stop, her gaze almost blurred as she stared at Ruan Yesheng's misty eyes.
“I’m a person, not a flower raised in a garden. I won’t be hurt by your hands rubbing me a few times.” Ruan Yesheng held her hand, applying a little more pressure, implying, “I think… this… Mm… might be better?”
Xi Mo sensed the change in her hand and immediately adjusted her strength.
“So clever.” Ruan Yesheng reached out and stroked Xi Mo’s cheek, her breathing becoming much deeper as Xi Mo changed her manner of breathing: “…Mmm…especially good.”
Her voice was almost a murmur, carrying her unique tenderness. Xi Mo felt a chill run down her spine and tried even harder to please Ruan Yesheng.
"You like it when I praise you?" Ruan Yesheng noticed her change and smiled.
Xi Mo’s face became even redder. She couldn't speak for a moment. But her hand did not stop moving.
Although Ruan Yesheng said she wasn't a flower from a garden, Xi Mo felt she was more beautiful than any other flower in the world. She wanted to carefully protect her, but she couldn't help being captivated by her beauty. She wanted to reach out and gently stroke her petals, but she was also afraid that if she lost control for even a moment, she would break the petals in her hand.
She shouldn't break her.
She hopes she will bloom forever, so freely, fearless of the changing seasons.
...
On the second day of filming, Ruan Yesheng was rehearsing in front of the camera, while Xi Mo, who had no scenes to film, and just watched quietly from the side.
Ruan Yesheng was some distance away, with other actors surrounding her. Her every smile and frown seemed to be blurred by the lighting on set, but Xi Mo still watched very attentively.
—Touch me.
The lingering sound of those two words from Ruan Yesheng echoed in Xi Mo’s mind. Her heart skipped, and she quickly lowered her head.
She always kept her work and personal life separate, but at this moment, she inappropriately recalled another side of Ruan Yesheng hidden in the night. This new feeling left Xi Mo somewhat at a loss. She took a few steps, found an empty chair, and sat down. Even though Ruan Yesheng was on set, she felt a void in her heart.
Ruan Yesheng's gaze pierced through the crowd and landed on her.
Ruan Yesheng smiled at her.
Xi Mo paused for a moment, wanting to raise her hand in response, but worried that it might be too obvious, so she quickly stopped her hand from reaching out and gently nodded to Ruan Yesheng.
The long day passed, and Xi Mo gradually realized that she must be missing Ruan Yesheng.
But what she didn't understand was why, even though they were so close, she still missed her.
There was a night shoot scheduled, so the two of them ate dinner in the RV. Xi Mo had brought two RVs; her assistant and cook had also come along, and they all ate together in the other RV. If they had enough time, Xi Mo's team would eat at the hotel, and sometimes at the restaurant.
There was no one else in the car. Ruan Yesheng ate while chatting with Xi Mo about the scenes they filmed that day.
Today, Ruan Yesheng had many more filming tasks than Xi Mo, with even heavier night scenes, including the scene where Yu Miao dies again. In the movie, this day is February 14th. Yu Miao invited Xiao Ruojin from three years ago to visit her home. But Yu Miao died that night.
Xiao Ruojin from three years later learned this in advance. She was in great pain and tried with all strength to change Yu Miao’s fate again.
Xi Mo asked, "Are you tired?"
"I'm okay" Ruan Yesheng answered gently, then looked at Xi Mo: "But..."
"But what?"
“But… I miss you a little,” Ruan Yesheng said softly.
The bowl in Xi Mo's hand was suspended in mid-air, her chopsticks also stopped.
“You were clearly here today.” Ruan Yesheng noticed that Xi Mo seemed to be in a daze and didn’t know what she was thinking, so she continued, “I don’t know why, but I keep thinking about you… but I don’t think this is good, I’m not focused on work.”
Xi Mo lowered her eyes and said vaguely, "Indeed, this is not good."
Ruan Yesheng carefully observed her expression and couldn't help but tease her again: "We've only just started dating, so maybe it's just the novelty. We'll probably get used to it as time goes on."
"When more time passes, you won't miss me anymore?" Xi Mo frowned immediately.
Although this was her first relationship, common sense told her that couples go through a honeymoon phase when they first start dating, much like an inexperienced person who's just had a few drinks and is instantly intoxicated by their partner. But as time goes on, as their tolerance increases and they drink more, they gradually become accustomed to each other. The trivial things and flaws in life also appear.
Perhaps there is no passionate love in this world that can withstand the passage of time. If there is, it may be the purest fantasy of an idealist.
“Isn’t it that the time hasn’t been as long as you said yet?” Ruan Yesheng feigned ignorance and added, “I don’t know either, I don’t have any experience.”
Xi Mo stayed silent, lowering her head to chew a piece of broccoli with deliberate force.
She truly couldn’t expect Ruan Yesheng to love her forever.
Forever is the most unreliable promise in the world. Too many fans have told her forever, but she knows that most of them were only moved by themselves during the period of fervor. The passion will cool down and they will eventually move on. Therefore, reason made her never believe in the so-called forever.
Just like some fans have said, I will always love you. I believe when I say it, I truly hope I can love you forever.
That alone is enough.
Xi Mo always looked at this lightly.
Then why did she have a different hope for Ruan Yesheng? Even if she was unwilling, she couldn't stop Ruan Yesheng from pursuing new dreams in her future life. Ruan Yesheng is an independent person; although she is her girlfriend, she doesn't belong to anyone and always has her own choices.
"Sorry."
Xi Mo was full of complicated thoughts, when she unexpectedly heard Ruan Yesheng apologize. She quickly looked up at Ruan Yesheng.
"Are you unhappy?" Ruan Yesheng put down her chopsticks and coaxed her, "I was just teasing you."
“I’m not unhappy,” Xi Mo said. “I’m just… a little worried.”
Although she didn't say it clearly, Ruan Yesheng immediately understood what her concern meant, and a hint of surprise appeared in her eyes. She had only intended to tease this block of wood, after all, her serious expression was quite adorable, but she hadn't expected Xi Mo to care so much about this matter, to the point of worry.
Perhaps it was because she had followed Xi Mo for so many years, and had been filled with anxiety and uncertainty, that even now that they are in a confirmed relationship, she didn't dare to think too much about how deep Xi Mo's feelings for her really were. She never dared imagine it was deep enough to worry about the future.
"I was wrong." Ruan Yesheng lowered her eyes and sincerely apologized, "Sometimes I think it's funny to tease you, and I don't know how to control my limits. I shouldn't have made you anxious about the future."
"Yesheng." Xi Mo gently placed the bowl and chopsticks on the table and called Ruan Yesheng's name.
Ruan Yesheng felt unsure of what she wanted to say.
“You’re not wrong,” Xi Mo said. “You don’t need to be so careful with me. You tease me often, but isn’t that also a way of observing my reactions?”
Ruan Yesheng was stunned when her deepest thoughts were suddenly revealed.
Xi Mo said, "You seem to be taking the initiative, but you're actually not very confident in yourself. Even though we're together now, deep down you're afraid that one day I might get tired of you or leave you for some other reason. So you use joking words to test my reaction. When I react, you feel a little relieved.”
Ruan Yesheng's eyelashes trembled, and her gaze remained fixed on the table.
"Don't be anxious." Xi Mo looked at her steadily: "We are equal. In my heart, there has never been a difference in the depth of liking someone."
Ruan Yesheng’s breathing became obvious. But she still did not dare look at her.
“On your birthday night, you said… you liked me back in college. After all these years, I can imagine how you felt.” Xi Mo’s voice became even gentler: “Maybe you think I accepted your confession, but I certainly didn’t like you for as long as you liked me. I admit that the length of time we’ve spent together is not equal, but that doesn’t affect my feelings for you.”
Ruan Yesheng then slowly raised her head and looked at Xi Mo.
"Today..." Xi Mo said, "I also missed you a little. Just like you said earlier... you missed me a little too."
Ruan Yesheng's eyes were slightly red. She nodded and said, "Actually... actually, it's not just a little, I missed you very much."
“Then I missed you very much too,” Xi Mo said.
Ruan Yesheng smiled through her tears: "I was indeed testing your reaction before. Sometimes it was subconscious. But I did not notice it in time. Now you told me, so I understand clearly.”
She paused, her voice lowering slightly: "Actually, in front of you, I really feel anxious about the future. I’m afraid… afraid I’m not worthy of you.”
Upon hearing her last sentence, surprise and pity appeared in Xi Mo's eyes. She stood at once and walked to Ruan Yesheng. She squatted in front of her, pulled a tissue and wiped her tears.
"You're so good, so outstanding," Xi Mo said gently, "Why would you think that way?"
“…I don’t know why, I shouldn’t feel inferior.” Ruan Yesheng mumbled, feeling both embarrassed and touched as she watched Xi Mo wiping away her tears: “But sometimes I just can’t help thinking like this.”
"Look at you, you're so beautiful, and you have such a great figure," Xi Mo said. "Not to mention your acting skills. Back then, the teachers all praised you as a rare genius. You work hard in filming, have a great personality, and so many friends. It's precisely because you're so wonderful that other people are willing to associate with you, isn't that right?"
Ruan Yesheng chuckled and patted her shoulder lightly: "I'm not used to you saying that all of a sudden."
“I like it when you praise me. You said I did a great job last night, I didn’t reply, but I was actually very happy.” Xi Mo held Ruan Yesheng’s hand, and the warm touch made Ruan Yesheng feel incredibly at ease at that moment. She heard Xi Mo say again, “So I feel that you like it when I praise you. I also hope you are happy.”
Ruan Yesheng said in a trembling voice, "I...I like it very much."
"That's good." Xi Mo smiled gently. "Besides, you're so good not because you want to be good enough for anyone, but simply because you are good enough as you are."
Author's Note:
If you feel love, then this love must praise you, agree with you, and see your goodness.
If you feel constantly suppressed or criticized and complained about, then it is not love.
True love won't use various pretexts of "it's for your own good" to suppress you, nor will it make you uncomfortable.
These are just my humble opinions, which I'm sharing with everyone.
