Chapter 209: The Secret
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Sinking into indulgence made Ruan Yesheng forget the passage of time and gradually lost the ability to distinguish between day and night.
She didn't know how much time had passed until she finally lifted her eyes from Xi Mo's embrace. She breathed softly, her body enveloped in weariness and satisfaction, subconsciously raising her arms to hug Xi Mo even closer.
Xi Mo reciprocated her close embrace, kissing the side of her neck.
Ruan Yesheng chuckled after being kissed, her voice was slightly hoarse. Then she lazily turned her face and glanced at the window.
The curtains were tightly closed, only leaving a small gap at the bottom. When she first came back and saw Xi Mo sitting by the bed, that gap was still lit by daylight, making a faint line between light and dark in the room.
Now, it has long since gone dark.
Ruan Yesheng stared blankly into the darkness.
"It's already dark." Her voice sounded somewhat dazed.
Xi Mo sensed that Ruan Yesheng seemed to have detached herself from their previous passionate embrace, looking somewhat lost and dejected. She quickly turned and pulled Ruan Yesheng into her arms. Ruan Yesheng's skin was burning hot; Xi Mo gently touched it, trying to soothe her.
"Are you feeling unwell anywhere?" Xi Mo asked her with concern.
"No, everything is fine," Ruan Yesheng said with a smile. "I just didn't expect it to be so late."
Xi Mo glanced at her phone, told her the time, and said, "It's not that late, it's only a little past six, it just gets dark early."
Ruan Yesheng asked her, "Have you ever taken an afternoon nap and woke up at six or seven o'clock? The sun had long since set, and when you opened your eyes, it was pitch black behind the curtains, and there was nothing in the room except yourself?"
“I don’t quite remember, I don’t think so.” Xi Mo hugged Ruan Yesheng and said softly, softly, “But I have heard this is common. You only plan to rest a bit, but when you wake up it is already night. It feels like time left you behind. Some people feel lonely and lost, and even mistakenly think that it is the next morning.”
As she spoke, Xi Mo observed Ruan Yesheng's expression. Ruan Yesheng's eyelashes were slightly lowered, as if lost in her thoughts.
"Was it something I did wrong?" Xi Mo asked her apologetically.
Ruan Yesheng froze,, then quickly hugged her and kissed her several times, coaxing her with a smile, "How could that be? You did a great job. It's my fault for thinking about something and getting a little dazedt."
Xi Mo suddenly recalled the stack of documents she had received on New Year's Eve.
“There was a time when I loved taking afternoon naps, and I would always sleep for a long time,” Ruan Yesheng murmured. “Right here in this room, when I woke up, I was the only one there. For a moment just now, I even thought… that I was the only one here. I must have been confused.”
Xi Mo tightened her hug. Ruan Yesheng’s bare skin was soft and warm, like mutton fat jade, almost melting in her arms.
The words on those documents seemed to flash before Xi Mo's eyes one by one, and Xi Mo felt as if her heart was being stabbed. She said, "I will be with you from now on. When you wake up, I will be by your side."
She thought Ruan Yesheng must have had a bad time back then, which was why she became like this. Maybe Ruan Yesheng was in too much pain, so she used sleep to avoid lonely and sad feelings. But when she woke up and saw the night come, that emptiness and pain only got stronger.
How did Ruan Yesheng manage to get through that difficult period?
Even now, she knows that Ruan Yesheng still hasn't fulfilled her wish. Years have passed, and Ruan Yesheng is still the only one spending the New Year in this house.
Xi Mo didn't dare to think about it deeper.
Ruan Yesheng noticed Xi Mo's low spirits and thought that she had affected her. Feeling guilty, she said, "I shouldn't have said those things. Today is a fulfilling day. I'm really happy."
But Xi Mo kept thinking again and again in her mind, her eyes fixed carefully on Ruan Yesheng.
Ruan Yesheng, facing her at closely, sensed Xi Mo's strangeness to some extent and asked, "Is there something on your mind?"
Xi Mo nodded slowly.
"Can you tell me?" Ruan Yesheng stroked her cheek.
“I think… I can.” Xi Mo hesitated for a moment, then finally said, “What is on my mind is, I want to ask you a question.”
“What question?” Ruan Yesheng smiled softly.
Xi Mo stared intently at her and asked, "Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Ruan Yesheng's gaze froze.
“Maybe… you have difficulties. I really want to do something for you.” Xi Mo’s voice was so gentle, and so cautious.
She used to be proud and cold, but now she almost wanted to hold Ruan Yesheng in her hands. She was afraid Ruan Yesheng would be lonely or in pain, and she can't bear even a little suffering for her.
Ruan Yesheng remained silent, but tears welled up in her eyes.
"Can I...?" Xi Mo asked softly.
“…Of course you can.” At this moment, Ruan Yesheng had already guessed why Xi Mo was asking this. She answered with a choked voice.
Xi Mo gently wiped away the tears at the corner of her eye and said, “Since you agreed and let me do something for you, it means you are willing to tell me your difficulties. I know it must be very painful and very hard, otherwise you would not have given up your beloved acting career before. This is something very important to you, a secret you can't easily tell others. Maybe you need time. You don't have to tell me now. I will wait until you are ready.”
Then she said seriously, “And before that, I am willing to tell you my secret.”
Ruan Yesheng's eyes widened slightly.
Xi Mo said, “Do you remember before, you noticed I was afraid of taking selfies because I had a trauma. But you didn't continue to ask me about it. You said that was my secret, and I didn't want to tell anyone, so you didn’t want to know. You said that one day, if I was willing to share my secret with you, then you would be willing to know, because then it would become our secret.”
Ruan Yesheng’s eyes were misty with tears. She smiled and said, “I don’t want to know your secret. I only want to know our secret. How do you remember it so clearly?”
“Because I said that day would come,” Xi Mo said. “I need to remember it so, I can make that day happen.”
The two lay on the bed, and Ruan Yesheng held her tightly, not letting go.
Xi Mo adjusted her breathing. She tried to make her words as calm as possible, so Ruan Yesheng wouldn't feel too heavy while listening. But when she spoke, her voice still shook a little.
“When I was young, I was kidnapped,” Xi Mo said. “That time, I almost died.”
Ruan Yesheng’s heart jolted. Her hand holding Xi Mo tightened more. She steadied herself and said, “Is it because the person who kidnapped you forced you to take selfies, then sent those photos and videos to your family to blackmail them?”
Xi Mo nodded,her eyes darkening: “Yes. At that time I was still very young, and I didn't really understand what a selfie was. That woman tied me to a chair, brought a camera, stood behind me, bent down, grabbed my hand from behind, made me hold the camera, and forced me to look at the lens. And her face also appeared in the frame. She wanted to take a selfie with me.”
—Let's take a picture. Let's take a picture together.
—Look at the camera.
—Look at me.
Even after so many years, that woman's chilling voice still echoes in her ears like a nightmare whisper.
“…A woman?” Ruan Yesheng felt a chill all over her body. She also felt this didn't make sense at all. She said, “How could she take selfies with you? That would expose her face. Even if she covered her face, as long as she appeared in the frame, once the photos and videos were sent to your family and handed to the police, there would be evidence. The kidnapping case would be easier to trace. Even if she got the ransom, she would still find it hard to escape in the end.”
“She wasn’t trying to extort money,” Xi Mo said. “She just wanted to make my family suffer.”
That woman deliberately made herself take selfies with her. Two faces side by side, enlarged in the camera frame. Little Xi Mo was crying in fear, while that woman’s face was twisted with a smile.
These years, Xi Mo’s fear of selfies was not only about the act of taking selfies itself.
What she was truly afraid of was that in the moment of a selfie, that woman’s face would still appear on the screen. Those images would not go away. The trauma in Xi Mo’s mind grew deeper and deeper, as if that woman’s face could appear beside her at any time, merging with her own face.
“I’m so scared… that her face will suddenly appear in those selfies.” Xi Mo said, trembling. “I know it’s impossible, but I can’t control myself.”
Ruan Yesheng felt goosebumps rise on her skin. She quickly reached out and gently soothed her. “Do you want to stop? If you feel uncomfortable, we can talk about it another time.”
“…It’s alright.” Xi Mo comforted her instead, “I can continue.”
Through Xi Mo's narration, Ruan Yesheng roughly understood that her father, Xi Ji, was arranged by his family to marry a young lady of another family, but Xi Ji disagreed. The lady was very fond of Xi Ji, but Xi Ji only wanted to be with Xi Mo's mother, Jian Yuan. Even though Xi Ji didn't have much say at the time, he didn't compromise, and this marriage was ultimately hard-won.
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
Later, the young lady's family went bankrupt, and she disappeared without a trace, along with her nanny.
That nanny had been with her since she was very young, taking care of her daily life, and never left. She treated her like her own daughter.
When the nanny appeared again, it was when she kidnapped young Xi Mo.
“She wasn’t mentally stable. During the kidnapping, she often beat me, forced me to take selfies with her, and then sent the photos to my family,” Xi Mo said. “In the room where we were locked, there was a door. On the door was a very small window, with iron bars nailed on it. She often stood behind that small window, showing her face, watching me from there.”
That woman was looking at her from the outside.
That woman was looking at her from the outside again!
Once the door is opened, she'll get beaten up again.
Xi Mo tried to keep her voice steady as she said, "Every time she looked at me through the small window, I was terrified. I didn't dare to look at her. I was too young then, so I could only crouch in the corner with my head in my hands, hoping she wouldn't see me."
Ruan Yesheng then understood why Xi Mo had reacted so defensively the night Ding Qihong appeared at the hotel, and even showed panic and fear, even once huddled in the corner, holding her hands over her head.
All of this was the trauma left by the kidnapping, making her have stress reactions at certain times.
But Ruan Yesheng also noticed something strange.
Xi Mo had used the word “we.”
“Why did you say the room where ‘we’ were locked?” Ruan Yesheng asked while comforting her. “Besides you, was someone else kidnapped too?”
Sadness rose clearly in Xi Mo’s eyes. She said, “Besides me, there was another person.”
Seeing her expression, Ruan Yesheng knew that must be someone very close to Xi Mo back then.
“My younger sister,” Xi Mo said painfully.
"You have a younger sister?" Ruan Yesheng asked, both distressed and surprised. "But I remember you were the only daughter in your family."
“She isn't my biological sister. My mother brought her back from outside back then, and gave her a name, Jian Ye. At first, she didn't live with us. After my mother passed away, she had no one to rely on, so she stayed at our home,” Xi Mo said. “I called her… Yezi.”
…Yezi?
Only then did Ruan Yesheng realize it later, why Xi Mo had once murmured “Yezi”* when she was not fully awake, and why she treasured those leaf specimens so much.
*叶子 (yèzi) means leaf in Chinese
Author's Note:
Many parts in this chapter were already foreshadowed before. Now they are all connected together.
If you do not remember, you can go back and read these chapters to better understand the cause and result:
Chapter 38, Chapter 52, Chapter 92, Chapter 171. There are also a few other chapters that mention Yezi, but they will not be listed here.
