Chapter 171: Time
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
“I… didn’t really.” Xi Mo kept her head down. She usually listened to Auntie Lan, and around her there was a faint kind of obedience you wouldn’t see elsewhere. “It’s just that there are so many people in the world, so many possible situations, Yesheng’s range of choices is very wide.”
Auntie Lan glanced at her. “You’re acting a bit weird today.”
Xi Mo didn’t say anything more.
Auntie Lan saw Ruan Yesheng and, feeling good, continued chatting with her: “Anyway, no matter what kind of boyfriend you get, you have to really look at the person’s character. Just being handsome isn’t enough. If you trust me, tell me, I can check him out for you.”
“Thank you, Auntie Lan.” In front of elders, Ruan Yesheng’s smile was always warm and pleasing. “I definitely trust you.”
Xi Mo listened from the side, feeling a bit flat inside.
Ruan Yesheng didn’t deny anything, nor did she say she was just focusing on her career for now and not planning to date. Could it be that Ruan Yesheng already had someone in mind? Xi Mo recalled Ruan Yesheng picking flower petals to make specimens in Heizhugou. At that time, she had even looked a bit shy, pulling off petals while saying things like “Likes me,” "Likes me not.”
Xi Mo asked if Ruan Yesheng had someone she liked, and Ruan Yesheng actually said yes.
Xi Mo bit a mouthful of rice and chewed thoroughly.
“Though I really didn’t expect it, Xi Mo would bring you home to stay. You’re the first friend she’s brought home; no one else has that privilege.” Auntie Lan, having chatted a lot with Ruan Yesheng, couldn’t help sighing: “As for her not paying attention to your gifts and letters back then, Ruanruan, don’t blame her.”
“…I didn’t not pay attention.” Xi Mo hurried to explain. “I just didn’t know.”
“Not knowing is also a kind of not paying attention.” Auntie Lan glared at her. “Why didn’t you know? Isn’t it because you weren’t careful? Back then, you ignored Ruanruan. If you had paid attention, looked carefully, how could you not know?”
Xi Mo: “…”
This time she didn’t try to explain.
Auntie Lan was right to scold her on this point.
Auntie Lan criticized Xi Mo, but when she faced Ruan Yesheng, she still spoke for Xi Mo, “Miss Ruanruan, what’s past is past. Xi Mo didn’t care much back then, but that’s all over now. You two are such good friends now, that’s fate. You should cherish this friendship. Of course, if Xi Mo bullies you again, just tell me. I’ll help you teach her a lesson.”
When Ruan Yesheng heard the word “friendship,” her heart suddenly ached a little, but she smiled and said, “We’ll definitely cherish it.”
She turned her head to look at Xi Mo, “Right, Xi Mo?”
Xi Mo was stunned by the sudden question. After a while, she replied vaguely, “…Mm.”
“Miss Ruanruan, I’ll cook dinner tonight. Is there anything you want to eat? I’ll prepare it,” Auntie Lan warmly offered.
“Auntie Lan, I told Dad that Yesheng and I will have dinner at the manor tonight,” Xi Mo said. “You haven’t been there for a while. You should come with us.”
“Alright.” Auntie Lan nodded. “I can see Brother too. Having a meal together sounds nice.”
She and Ding Ru were half-siblings. She calls him Brother Ding Ru. Ding Ru and Xi Ji had been old friends for many years, as close as brothers. Even though Auntie Lan and Xi Ji weren’t related by blood, she always called him Brother.
“That box of Yesheng’s gifts and letters you helped me sort before, I couldn’t find it here,” Xi Mo asked Auntie Lan again. “Maybe on the day Mom’s belongings were aired out, the boxes looked the same, and the movers carried it to the room with Mom’s things by mistake. I want to look for it. Did you mark that box in any way?”
“Really? That happened?” Auntie Lan was surprised. “They moved it wrong?”
Xi Mo told Auntie Lan everything about her earlier failed search for the gifts and letters.
Auntie Lan frowned. “I did mark it with a pen. I wrote ‘Miss Ruanruan’ on the side of the box. I thought when you moved later, you would see it.”
Joy flashed in Xi Mo’s eyes. If that was true, it would be easier to find. She quickly looked at Ruan Yesheng, who was also smiling at her.
Wanting to find the gifts and letters Ruan Yesheng had given her as soon as possible, the three of them set out early that afternoon for the Xi family manor.
When they arrived, Xi Ji was in the study on a video call, looking serious, likely discussing business. Xi Mo didn’t dare interrupt.
Auntie Zhou quietly told Xi Mo that Xi Ji was supposed to go out that afternoon for work, but after learning she would come, he stayed home. Xi Mo’s face showed little emotion, but inside, it felt like she had secretly opened a candy jar and peeled a creamy sweet to taste.
After a while, Xi Ji came out of the study.
“Hello, Uncle Xi. Sorry for bothering you again,” Ruan Yesheng greeted politely.
“Hello, Xiao Ruan,” Xi Ji nodded. “You’re always welcome here.”
“Brother,” Auntie Lan said with a smile.
Although Xi Ji usually didn’t smile or talk much, he treated Auntie Lan like his own sister. His tone was casual, like family. “Ask your brother if he is free tonight. If he is, tell him to come here for dinner.”
“Okay, Brother, I’ll ask him later.”
“…Dad.” Xi Mo was the last to speak.
“Mm.” Xi Ji looked at her, seeming to study her carefully. “Is your new movie about to start filming?”
“Yes.” Xi Mo wasn’t as nervous talking to Xi Ji now as she used to be. “I’ll soon have to go to Beijing. Director Gu’s crew has a strict schedule. I’ll be in Beijing most of the time and won’t have many chances to come back.”
She wanted to see Xi Ji before leaving and have a meal with him.
Xi Ji didn’t say much, his tone calm. “Don’t push yourself too hard when filming.”
That was probably the gentlest reminder her father could give. Xi Ji wasn’t good with words, but Xi Mo already felt content. “Thank you, Dad. I’ll take care of myself.”
Xi Ji turned to Ruan Yesheng. “Xi Mo doesn’t really know how to take care of herself.”
Xi Mo didn’t expect her dad to slap her words down right after she spoke: “…”
“Please, Xiao Ruan, help her out when you two are filming in Beijing,” Xi Ji said.
“Don’t worry, Uncle Xi,” Ruan Yesheng’s voice was sweet as honey. “I’ll make sure to take good care of her.”
Xi Mo: “…”
Xi Ji wasn’t the kind to chat. After checking on them, he was about to head back to the study. Seeing that, Xi Mo quickly stopped him. “Dad, I want to go to Mom’s room where her things are kept. I want to look for something.”
She could have gone straight there since there was no restriction, but she still felt she should tell Xi Ji first.
Xi Ji’s steps suddenly stopped.
After a moment, Xi Ji turned around. “What are you looking for?”
Xi Mo briefly explained the whole thing. How Ruan Yesheng’s gifts and letters were misplaced, how Auntie Lan had packed them into a box when sorting out Jian Yuan’s belongings that day, and how the box ended up being moved by mistake.
“I want to take Yesheng’s gifts and letters back with me,” Xi Mo said softly.
“Go look for them,” Xi Ji replied.
His face dimmed slightly, and after speaking, he walked away. Xi Mo stood still, watching his somewhat lonely figure, knowing he must not be feeling well. Every time something about Jian Yuan was brought up, Xi Ji became quieter.
Xi Mo didn’t really know much about Xi Ji and Jian Yuan’s story. Most of what she knew came from Ding Ru. But she knew her father had deeply loved her mother. From what Ding Ru said, Xi Ji and Jian Yuan had married for love, though the process was very rough. Xi Ji was young back then, without the power he had now. Because of family interests, he was arranged to marry a young lady from another family, but Xi Ji refused.
That young lady had liked Xi Ji deeply, almost to obsession.
But Xi Ji’s heart was only for Jian Yuan.
They overcame all obstacles and finally ended up together. But later, that young lady didn’t have a good life. Her family went bankrupt, and she disappeared without a trace.
“Yesheng.” Xi Mo sighed inwardly and called out to Ruan Yesheng.
Ruan Yesheng followed her toward the room where Jian Yuan’s belongings were kept, and Auntie Lan, who knew the box best, went with them too. Jian Yuan had left behind many things, all carefully preserved. There were even several rooms just for storing them.
The three of them searched room by room.
Most of the belongings were kept in boxes wrapped in thin plastic film to keep out dust and moisture and preserve them better. Under each box were storage pallets, all neatly lined up.
The boxes were about the same size, so they focused on finding the one with “Miss Ruanruan” written on the side.
Auntie Lan knew that box best, and when they reached the third room, she was the first to spot it. Delighted, she called out, “It’s right here! Come, come quickly.”
Xi Mo and Ruan Yesheng hurried over.
They removed the clear waterproof film on top, and Auntie Lan used a utility knife to open the box. Inside were four gift boxes of different styles, and beside them was a stack of letters.
After all the twists and turns, Xi Mo finally saw those gifts and letters. She stood beside the box, dazed for a moment.
Ruan Yesheng also stared at it blankly.
After all this time, Xi Mo had finally received them.
Xi Mo first looked at the gifts and found that the boxes indeed had Ruan Yesheng’s mark on them. It was the same mark they had designed together back in college. She hadn’t wanted to do it then, thinking it was annoying and a waste of time, but Ruan Yesheng had insisted on it.
Then she took out the thick stack of letters. Just as Ruan Yesheng had said, each envelope was hand-drawn by her, with flowers matching the twenty-four solar terms.
There were twenty-four envelopes in total. Back then, Ruan Yesheng had sent seventeen letters. The rest had been used by Shen Qingbie, who wrote to Xi Mo as a fan and had used one envelope with a drawing of yellow cassia flowers.
Each envelope was marked with a solar term, written in neat handwriting. The flower drawings were not very skilled. Ruan Yesheng had asked a friend from the art department to design them first, then copied them herself. The lines trembled slightly, showing she didn’t have much foundation in drawing.
Yet when Xi Mo held them in her hands now, she felt an overwhelming sense of warmth and weight.
Maybe it was the time that had passed.
Maybe it was the emotions that had risen and fallen.
Or maybe... something else.
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com please read it there. and check out other stories too.
“At last, they’re all found,” Auntie Lan said, watching Xi Mo. “This time, you must take them back and keep them safe. Don’t lose them again.”
“…I know,” Xi Mo said softly. “I’ll take special care of them.”
Hearing her say “special,” Ruan Yesheng smiled.
“You’ve waited so long to get these gifts, you must open them now,” Auntie Lan urged. “Check if they’ve gotten damp.”
“Right now?” Xi Mo looked a bit embarrassed.
She glanced at Ruan Yesheng, who was just staring at her without blinking.
“Of course,” Auntie Lan said. “Aren’t you excited to see these gifts and letters? You heartless girl, how can you be like this?”
Xi Mo: “…”
She was excited and wanted to open them right away.
But with Auntie Lan there, she didn’t know why, she just felt restrained, like being watched by an elder.
“Auntie Lan, since we’ve found them and you’ve worked hard, you should go rest,” Xi Mo quickly said. “Yesheng and I will stay here and open them right away.”
Auntie Lan was indeed tired. Now that the gifts and letters were found, she could finally relax. As for opening them and reading the letters, she decided not to intrude. That should be left for the young ones. “Then I’ll go have some tea,” she said.
She took a few steps, then turned back at the door to remind them, “Open them soon, alright?”
“I know, I know,” Xi Mo replied quickly.
After Auntie Lan left, the room with Jian Yuan’s belongings grew quiet, leaving only Ruan Yesheng and Xi Mo.
“Which one do you want to open first?” Ruan Yesheng asked with a smile, holding the utility knife, seeing Xi Mo still frozen in place.
“Let’s go by order,” Xi Mo said, feeling strangely nervous but filled with anticipation. “Start with the first gift you gave me.”
“That would be this one,” Ruan Yesheng pointed at one of the flatter boxes.
Xi Mo took the utility knife from Ruan Yesheng’s hand and carefully slid the blade along the seal. Maybe because the boxes had been stored for so long, they carried a faint scent of old times. Xi Mo, who has usually a bit of cleanliness obsession, should have disliked that musty smell, yet she didn’t feel repulsed at all. Instead, she found it comforting.
What could be happier than reuniting after a long time?
Back then, she had brushed past these gifts and letters without noticing them.
Now, they had finally returned to her hands.
Xi Mo opened the first gift box and found a vinyl record inside. She took it out and looked at the cover, it contained some of her favorite classical music, mostly piano pieces.
“I bought this with Auntie Lan back then,” Ruan Yesheng said, her voice a little dazed as she watched the gift appear again, the memory of that day vivid in her mind. “I asked her what kind of music you liked, and she said you liked rare vinyls like this one. It was hard to find. I went to several record shops.”
“Do you like it?” After all these years, Ruan Yesheng could finally ask her in person.
Xi Mo held the vinyl in her hands and looked into Ruan Yesheng’s eyes.
“…I like it,” she said softly.
“I’m glad you liked it.”
There was a faint light of time reversal in Ruan Yesheng’s eyes. Her every move carried a trace of the youthful shyness she had back in college. Even the feeling in her heart seemed as tender as a sprouting bud. She said, “...Open the next one.”
Xi Mo carefully set the vinyl record aside and opened the second gift.
This one was strange. It looked like a kind of bronze ware, carved in the shape of a lotus flower. It was small, about the size of an egg, but the petals and lines were carved with fine detail, faintly covered with verdigris.
Yet Xi Mo found it familiar.
“This…” She looked surprised. “You gave me this?”
“Yes.” Ruan Yesheng smiled. “I saw how interested you were in it that time, so I went to ask my mom for it. She gave it to me, and I wanted to give it to you.”
Ruan Yesheng’s mom worked in scientific research and often went on business trips. Each time she came back, she would bring Ruan Yesheng some interesting things, usually gifts from locals where she had been.
Once, her mom brought back many little trinkets that Ruan Yesheng had never seen before. She was so happy she took lots of photos and showed them to Xi Mo, asking which one she liked.
Xi Mo glanced at those photos and said, “So boring.”
But Ruan Yesheng noticed that her eyes had stayed on one of the photos for quite a while, as if she had never seen that thing before and was curious.
That photo showed the bronze lotus.
“You were interested in this lotus back then, weren’t you?” Ruan Yesheng asked with a smile. “You were just being stubborn.”
Xi Mo lowered her eyes and admitted, “...Yes. My mom dealt in antiques. She had a lot of bronze pieces like this. I saw many when I was a kid, and I liked them.”
“You have a good eye. My mom said this might be an antique,” Ruan Yesheng teased.
“Then isn’t it valuable?” Xi Mo asked.
“It’s not valuable, someone gave it to my mom, it didn’t cost anything.”
Ruan Yesheng brought two chairs over so she and Xi Mo could sit while they talked and open the gifts more easily.
“I was just joking about it being an antique. It’s something made to look old. If it were really an antique, how could anyone just give it to my mom?”
Xi Mo nodded, finally at ease. “Then I’ll accept it.”
“Even if it really was an antique,” Ruan Yesheng looked at her, “I would still give it to you.”
Xi Mo froze for a moment, said nothing, and went on to open the third gift box.
This time, it was a dolphin stuffed toy. Because of the material, after so long without cleaning or airing, it carried a faint musty smell.
“You should like this one, right?” Ruan Yesheng asked. “Even your faucet is shaped like a dolphin.”
“...I like it,” Xi Mo said again. “I’ll wash it later.”
“But you’ve long passed the age for stuffed toys.” Ruan Yesheng laughed. “Back then you were still a student, so it made sense. But now, after all this time, who told you not to open it sooner?”
“Who said I’m past that age,” Xi Mo said unhappily.
“Alright, alright, you’re not,” Ruan Yesheng’s eyes softened, full of sweet charm that slowly shimmered.
Then came the fourth gift box.
It felt very light, almost empty. Xi Mo found it strange, quickly opened it, and suddenly froze.
Inside was a ticket.
She picked it up and saw it was a ticket to the aquarium.
The date printed on it was from long ago, far past the visiting time.
The ticket had no creases, but it had slightly yellowed with age. Nothing could withstand the push of time.
“I... wanted to take you to the aquarium back then, so I bought two tickets,” Ruan Yesheng said. “I thought you would open the gift and see it.”
Xi Mo saw there was only one ticket. The other one must’ve been in Ruan Yesheng’s hand at that time. Something struck her, and her heart tightened. She asked, “Did you go?”
“I did,” Ruan Yesheng smiled with a trace of self-mockery. “I didn’t know if you’d come, but I still waited at the entrance. In the end, you never showed up.”
Xi Mo stayed silent, but her heart was in turmoil.
She pictured Ruan Yesheng standing alone by the gate, waiting. A wave of regret surged through her chest.
“But I thought the chances of you not coming were higher,” Ruan Yesheng said. “A few days before I gave you this gift, I mentioned wanting to take you to the aquarium to see dolphins, and you got mad, said aquariums have animal shows, and scolded me. But the one I wanted to go to didn’t have any animal shows. That’s why I bought the tickets and put them in the box, so you would see for yourself when we go.”
Xi Mo recalled the day Ruan Yesheng moved into her home, when she explained what kind of aquarium it was. She had already felt regret then, knowing she had wronged her.
But right now, what she felt was far more than regret.
She didn't go back then.
“How long… did you wait for me?” Xi Mo’s voice trembled a little.
“I forgot.” Ruan Yesheng blinked, not sure if she really forgot or just didn’t want to say. “But it must’ve been a long, long time.”
Xi Mo knew that was true.
Ruan Yesheng was always stubborn like that. Back in college, she would always wait at the crossroads for her, even knowing most times she wouldn’t show up.
“I’m… sorry.” Xi Mo held that old aquarium ticket in her hand, and it felt so heavy.
The air turned heavy. Ruan Yesheng couldn’t bear to see Xi Mo sad, so she quickly changed the subject. “You’ve seen all the gifts now. Go on, read the letters, there are so many.”
Xi Mo glanced at her, then picked up the stack of letters.
“Don’t worry, they’re not as long as that chatterbox fan’s letters last time,” Ruan Yesheng teased. “Mine are short, just a few lines.”
She didn’t say that the fan was actually Shen Qingbie, but still used her to tease Xi Mo.
“The ones with earlier solar terms come first, right?” Xi Mo asked.
“Yes,” Ruan Yesheng nodded.
Xi Mo followed the order of the solar terms on the envelopes and opened the one marked “Start of Spring.”
The flower for it was the winter jasmine.
Ruan Yesheng hadn’t lied. Her letters were really simple, filled with small, unimportant bits of life.
Those small things had bloomed quietly within the passing years, but Xi Mo had missed the brightest season of her youth.
“Xi Mo, Teacher Wang told me today that I’ll play the supporting female role in the new stage play. I’m really happy. Please take care of me, our female lead. I have some free time every afternoon. Are you free? If you are, let’s go to the drama club to rehearse privately. What do you think?”
Sadly, Xi Mo never replied to that question.
She never practiced with Ruan Yesheng in private and only joined the full rehearsals when Teacher Wang was there.
Xi Mo read one letter after another, as if she could see the path Ruan Yesheng once walked.
Ruan Yesheng’s letters were short, just a few lines each.
“Xi Mo, I bought a vinyl CD for you today. I hope you’ll like it.”
“Xi Mo, I like dolphins. Do you like them too?”
“Xi Mo, I saw you in the study room today. I sat next to you, but you didn’t talk to me much. If I study beside you, would it bother you?”
“Xi Mo, I always tell you these boring things. Do you think I’m annoying? I wanted to say it to you in person, but I was afraid you’d get even more annoyed. Maybe if it’s written, without sound, it’ll be easier for you to read?”
“Xi Mo…”
“Xi Mo…”
Ruan Yesheng’s handwriting was beautiful.
Each “Xi Mo” that passed before Xi Mo’s eyes now felt like she could still hear Ruan Yesheng’s voice from back then.
“Xi Mo, today I wanted to ask you to go to the aquarium with me, but you got mad, saying there are animal shows in aquariums. Don’t be mad. I’m afraid you’ll get angry again, so I’ll just write it down instead. That aquarium really doesn’t have animal shows. It’s a charity place. I’m a volunteer there. I want to go see the dolphins with you. Once you see it, you’ll understand. I bought the tickets and I’ll wait for you at the entrance. Will you come?”
“I hope you will.”
The words parted the years and rushed toward Xi Mo.
Time seemed to turn back, and she seemed to see Ruan Yesheng in that white dress she used to wear in college.
Back then, Ruan Yesheng didn’t have the gentle charm she had now. She was pure and young, full of life, and her smile was sweet.
Ruan Yesheng had hoped she would come.
But she didn’t.
Xi Mo’s fingers trembled a little. A thin mist clouded her eyes. She quickly turned her face away and blinked hard, afraid Ruan Yesheng would notice.
“Xi Mo?” Ruan Yesheng sensed something was wrong.
Xi Mo lowered her head. After a while, she looked up and said, “I’ve read all the letters. But… there are only sixteen. Didn’t you say there were seventeen?”
Ruan Yesheng froze, then quickly took the letters and counted them. There were indeed sixteen.
“Where’s the last one?” Xi Mo asked softly, her voice holding down a wave of regret.
“I don’t know either.” Ruan Yesheng grew anxious. “I really wrote seventeen. I gave them all to be sent to you.”
The two searched through the box carefully, even checking the gaps, but found nothing.
Xi Mo slumped into a chair, disheartened, and stayed silent for a long time.
“Forget it if we can’t find it.” Ruan Yesheng smiled and comforted her. “It’s just one letter. The rest are here, and the gifts too.”
Xi Mo stood up. “Could it be that when the box was moved in, it accidentally fell out somewhere in this room?”
“How could that be?” Ruan Yesheng looked at her dazed expression and felt like laughing even more. “This box was never damaged. How could anything fall out of it?”
Author’s Note:
This chapter is both bitter and sweet.
"I liked you when I was young, and even though you didn't reciprocate, I still love you after all this time, and you have finally received my love from when I was young."
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