Chapter 24: Win Or Lose
Source: https://www.jjwxc.net/onebook.php?novelid=7288969
Jun Youyue has been staring at the screen, contemplating for half an hour already.
She hasn't managed to squeeze out even a single sentence, repeatedly typing and then deleting.
Then she went online to search for posts similar to her situation, referencing other people's experiences.
During this period, she stayed up even later.
To be able to reply to Lu Xici's messages at any time, she spent a lot of time looking at her phone, time that was originally supposed to be used for experiments.
Therefore, work could only be left for handling after Lu Xici said goodnight.
Jun Youyue, who had conversed with Lu Xici, was full of energy, equivalent to ten people, and highly efficient; otherwise, the work she hadn't completed would have piled up like a mountain.
At this moment, as she endured these dark circles, upon seeing Lu Xici's message, the light in her eyes gradually brightened, making her dark circles seem lighter.
Lu Xici has no intention of agreeing!
It was said that after a long time without replying to a message if the other party sent another one, she couldn't reply immediately.
Jun Youyue then waited for about two minutes before responding to Lu Xici's message.
[I was busy. You don't like her?]
In fact, Jun Youyue also wanted to ask who that person was.
She recently discovered that she didn't know anything about the interpersonal relationships around Lu Xici.
She wanted to catch up, but every time she finished browsing Chaohua, all that lingered in her mind were Lu Xici's schedule and beautiful pictures.
The other party said she was busy, so Lu Xici stopped being annoyed and started sending her messages to express her sorrow.
[Yes, her relationship with me is more like a teacher and a friend. I really can't respond to her love, but if I reject her. I'm afraid we won't be friends in the future]
This is really troublesome.
Jun Youyue looked at similar incidents among netizens while recalling her own past experiences.
Then she discovered that her experience in relationships was really close to zero.
From childhood to adulthood, she only received prank-like confessions from boys in her class during elementary school.
Later, she focused solely on studying and research and turned a deaf ear to anything else, let alone love which she put in a low priority.
During her teenage years, it seems she received a love letter, placed on her desk, a paper enveloped in a pink envelope sealed with a heart-shaped sticker.
Jun Youyue briefly glanced at it at that time; the words were in an ancient style, and she could read them but didn't understand the other person's intentions.
She even felt the other person was a bit pretentious; they could have written it in vernacular, why use poetry and waste her precious ten minutes?
So the confession letter was thrown into the trash can in the next second.
She doesn't even remember who wrote the letter or what they looked like.
She vaguely remembers the name was Huang Haohao, probably a boy.
Thinking of this, Jun Youyue frowned unconsciously.
Speaking of which, Lu Xici had never confessed to her.
She was referring to the sober Lu Xici.
If she is drunk, affectionate words just flow out, saying things like "Jun-jiejie, I really like you" repeatedly.
If Jun Youyue ignores her, Lu Xici would resort to her ultimate move, leaning in and saying, “Wife, you're so cute, I want to hug you."
This always teases Jun Youyue to the point where she wants to cover her face with a quilt.
Thinking about it now still makes her feel shy. Jun Youyue's ears turned slightly red.
She shook her head, clearing her mind, and before Lu Xici could wonder why she hadn't replied earlier, she began typing.
[That is indeed troublesome. When you're around her, you have to be mindful; no matter how you say it, it's going to be more awkward than before.]
Lu Xici sent a crying cat emoji.
Seeing that cute doll-like cat with forehead wrinkles resembling the Chinese character "川" Jun Youyue's mouth involuntarily curled up.
Lu Xici's emoji was of their household's "foodie" cat, little Zhenzhu, always trying to trick her for a piece of cat treat.
[Cute kitty.] Having said this, Jun Youyue remembered she still had a box of cat treats.
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If, and only if, Lu Xici truly doesn't want her in the end, insisting on a divorce, those cat treats would also go to waste.
The smile faded slightly as Jun Youyue opened the memo and saw her earlier summary, unsure how to confess to Lu Xici.
No one would reject compliments about their pet.
Lu Xici's eyes finally revealed a hint of a smile, and she sent "Shang Shixu" a few carefully selected spoiled photos from her album of Zhenzhu.
Lu Xici: [It’s my little puppet~]
Jun Youyue looked at the familiar kitten with its belly turned in the photo and was stunned.
By the time she snapped out of it, these few pictures had already entered her album.
Well, now she didn't even spare a cat related to Lu Xici.
Jun Youyue who casually tossed aside a love letter at the age of fifteen, definitely couldn't have imagined that ten years later, her emotions would be entangled in love like this.
After praising Zhenzhu a bit more, Jun Youyue steered the conversation back to what she cared about - her friend's confession to Lu Xici.
Lu Xici, looking at Miss Shang's lengthy string of advice, felt a genuine overflow of sincere emotions and was somewhat pleased.
She initially just wanted to casually complain to the other party, never expecting comfort or even advice.
And "Shang Shixu" clearly had a logical, scientific mindset, not only considering her emotions but also finding ways to help solve the problem.
This long string of advice was enough to demonstrate how much the other person cared about her.
Lu Xici: [You're right, I should clarify things with her later.]
Feeling her suggestion had been accepted and inadvertently resolving one romantic rival, Jun Youyue felt a little elated.
She even took the initiative to start a topic.
Normally she didn't dare to say much for fear of revealing her secrets, but now she just wanted to chat with Lu Xici.
Shang Shixu: [Speaking of which, from childhood to now, I've only been confessed to by boys.]
Jun Youyue really wanted to complain about this.
According to the gossip know-it-all Tao Xiaosheng, there is a straight man upstairs in their institute who likes Jun Youyue. He waits for her at the door every day, creating "coincidental" encounters after work to accompany her home.
Is it because of her appearance? Her orientation is clearly female.
Sexual orientation is probably hereditary.
Even within elite circles, many people probably don't know that the former head of the Jun family was a woman, with a highly capable female partner.
When the two dated, China had not yet passed a same-sex marriage law. A few years later, when the marriage law was revised, they went to register their marriage and get a certificate.
Influenced by this, Jun Youyue has always been more friendly towards the same sex. When facing the opposite sex, she is even more indifferent.
Who would've known that in the end, her failed romances would all involve men?
Lu Xici looked at this obvious complaint and couldn't control her expression and chuckled.
[But you like girls?]
[Yes, so I ruthlessly reject them. What about you? Have you ever been confessed to before?]
Jun Youyue took the opportunity to inquire about Lu Xici's romantic experiences.
Before they got married, Lu Xici was just like the "little sister next door" to her. Occasionally caring for her, naturally, there wasn't much attention paid, let alone concern about Lu Xici's love life.
When Lu Xici replied to the message, Lin Ni observed her demeanor entirely.
This included the transition in her expression from unease to relaxation, the involuntary curl of her lips, and the excessive brightness of joy in her eyes.
Lin Ni's eyes dimmed a little.
However, she managed to maintain control over her expression, trying to soften her tone as much as possible as she spoke to Lu Xici.
"Who are you chatting so happily with? Is it your mother?" Last time, Lu Xici received incessant messages from her mother.
Upon hearing this, Lu Xici raised her head with a hint of confusion and discreetly suppressed her overly exuberant smile.
"No, it's an online friend." More accurately, it was a blind date, but she didn't want to agitate Lin Ni further.
Lin Ni sighed inwardly.
Lu Xici wasn't accustomed to going online. So where did these online friends come from? Most likely, they were blind date prospects.
"I'm done eating. Can we talk now?" Observing Lu Xici's reaction, Lin Ni had a premonition that she might return home unsuccessful today.
"Just a moment." Lu Xici hastily sent a message.
[My friend wants to talk to me. I'll talk to you later!]
After sending that, she turned off her phone without replying to "Shang Shixu's" message.
Jun Youyue read through the messages exchanged between the two again before finally closing her phone to focus on work.
"I'd like to say something first, is that okay?" Lu Xici prevented Lin Ni from speaking.
Was she really so unwilling to hear what she had to say?
Lin Ni finally felt a little uncomfortable. Even though she tried her best to restrain herself, her eyes were still slightly sad.
Lu Xici was stabbed so hard that she turned her face away. She didn't want to hurt her good friend, but she didn't want the other party to misunderstand her.
"....Go ahead." Lin Ni stared at Lu Xici for a while, waiting until she restrained her overflowing emotions before responding.
"I... I've always seen you as a good friend, almost like a mentor. When I first entered the industry, my acting was terrible. I was fortunate to have the chance to work with you on my first film... You've truly guided me a lot, taught me techniques that I couldn't learn in school."
“Even after that, I felt we got along well as friends, so I wanted to continue this friendship. I never once considered having any other kind of relationship with you."
“And the impact of my previous marriage was significant... I might not be able to get over it in a short time. If I agreed to your request and then ended up rejecting you, it would hurt you a lot."
Lu Xici had also considered her words just now. She was afraid Lin Ni might misunderstand, so she said it so directly.
These words were like a net covering Lin Ni, restraining her, and making her start thinking along Lu Xici's train of thought.
If Lu Xici gave her this opportunity but dumped her in the end, what would happen to her?
Being emotionally hurt was certain. Perhaps she might even blame Lu Xici for not clarifying from the start.
After all, seeing even a glimmer of hope before plunging deeper into despair is more agonizing than already being in despair.
Lin Ni fell silent. Emotionally she still refused to give up, and rationally warned her time and again that it was time to stop.
"Can you tell me about your ex-wife? What kind of person was she?" She needed closure, to break off that single arrow of hope.
Lu Xici squeezed the teacup tightly.
How could she ask such a question? Can't she see she was avoiding it all along?
After careful consideration, Lin Ni indeed knew she was married, but unlike Song Liufeng, she didn't understand her marital situation well, to the extent that Jun Youyue didn't like every detail about her.
Shall she say it after all? Perhaps it can serve as a farewell to the past.
"She... is two years older than me, a child from our family's social circle. We knew each other since childhood, and I started liking her when I was fifteen years old.”
She is tall, beautiful, elegant, intellectual, and not aware of her own beauty. She is meticulous and focused on tasks, always achieving set goals. She has some cleanliness habits and obsessive-compulsive tendencies, dislikes being touched by others, and insists on keeping household items neatly arranged.
“She is also emotionally distant, absorbed in academics, maintains an expressionless face all day, and is intelligent enough to be considered a genius. In the past, she used to help me with small things in life or study. Perhaps, she also cared about me."
"She and I just mutually agreed to marry. From start to finish, she never showed liking for me. But every time I see her, even if it's just a glance, I still feel my heart flutter."
After saying these words, Lu Xici fell silent for a while, seemingly reminiscing about the many years she had known Jun Youyue.
Her whole life had passed for over twenty years, such a long time, and upon recollection, Jun Youyue had been involved throughout.
She couldn't find a year, half a year, or even just a short three months when she hadn't seen Jun Youyue.
In the past, both families had good relations, during holidays or even on leisurely weekends, Lu Tingyi always liked to take Lu Xici to Jun's house to play.
Later, after they agreed to marry, Jun Youyue still returned home every once in a while.
They would reluctantly meet and have dinner together. Perhaps, after the divorce, this record might be broken.
"Actually, I don't know what I really like about her. But when I see her, I can't help but want to get closer, talk to her, and care about everything related to her."
Speaking of this, Lu Xici even smiled slightly.
However, she had been looking up the whole time, the warm light cast upon her face, fading her features, making it unclear to Lin Ni whether she was self-mocking or finding some solace.
But Lin Ni could hear her affection for her ex-wife.
It was probably a love akin to a moth drawn to the flame, repeatedly scorched by what seemed to be a cold, desolate blue flame.
In the end, her wings shattered all over the ground, carrying a heart burnt to ashes, falling to the ground, unable to move anymore. The remaining shell is still yearning for the warmth of the flame.
Lin Ni knew that she lost. She lost thoroughly.
"Can't you really give me a chance?" She murmured, her voice soft as if she was talking to herself.
Author's Note:
Jun Youyue, who almost won over Lu Xici again while wearing a vest, is pleased to win thoroughly (cough)
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Half of the list time has passed, but the daily bookmark is still steadily... decreasing. Starting to worry about the next list; what to do if it's vacant?