Chapter 69: Couldn't Maintain Any Bit Of Reserve

This translation is originally posted on

https://love4baihe.blogspot.com

Shen Qingzhi turned her head to look at the landscape swiftly retreating outside the cable car and suddenly felt somewhat breathless.

Strange, just moments ago, when she was advancing steadfastly along the mountain road, she felt her breath was perfectly fine.

As the cable car passed a bend, the car body violently shook, causing the absent-minded Shen Qingzhi to lean rapidly along the smooth metal seat.

"Be careful!" Gu Jinrong leaned over, steadying Shen Qingzhi's arm with both hands, preventing the person from almost falling off the seat.

The back felt tender, the scent of gardenias becoming even stronger.

Shen Qingzhi's legs were a bit weak. She gripped the seat railing, struggling to sit up straight. The faint sweat on her forehead highlighted her recent fright.

"Thank you." She offered Gu Jinrong a polite smile, trying her best to appear composed.

"You look so nervous."

Four simple words, like pebbles thrown into a pond, disrupted Shen Qingzhi's feigned calm demeanor.

Seeing Shen Qingzhi biting her lip in silence, Gu Jinrong continued, "Is it because of what I said last night?"

The straightforwardness of the other person made it difficult for Shen Qingzhi to carry on with the pretense.

It's now half past nine in the morning, less than ten hours since Gu Jinrong mentioned “pursuing her."

Even though this topic wasn't further explored, Gu Jinrong continued to earnestly uphold her promise in their interactions thereafter.

In reality, Shen Qingzhi initially somewhat enjoyed the feeling of being “pursued" although the way the other person pursued her was somewhat different from what she had imagined.

However, this enjoyment didn't last long before she succumbed to her own fluctuating emotions.

In their relationship, she tended to overthink things, but previously she had made an effort to control herself to avoid appearing so indecisive.

Yet, Gu Jinrong's actions that seemed like a confession last night opened the floodgates of her thoughts, releasing the long-accumulated complexity of her mind, completely unrestrained.

In less than ten hours, the frequency of her absent-mindedness and emotional ups and downs became unbearably high.

She promised to be reserved, but now, even though Gu Jinrong hasn't done anything yet, she's already on the verge of surrender, and couldn't maintain any bit of reserve.

Since pretending was becoming difficult, Shen Qingzhi could only be a bit more honest.

"Yes, those words you said last night, it's impossible for any normal person not to be affected, and I'm not a puppet. You knew perfectly well that I would be affected, yet you still said them.”

Her words were straightforward, almost sounding like she was blaming Gu Jinrong.

Gu Jinrong, who was inexplicably blamed, didn't get angry but had a clear smile in her eyes.

"Qingqing, with someone as great as you, haven't many people said similar things to you over these years? Were you like this before?"

Shen Qingzhi gritted her teeth, wanting to puff her cheeks in anger, but forcibly swallowed the impulse.

This is clearly someone else's fault, how come you are turning the tables? What others say has nothing to do with me!

Threatened by Shen Qingzhi's gaze, Gu Jinrong still insisted on pointing out the truth.

This translation is originally posted on

https://love4baihe.blogspot.com

"Let me guess, with your personality, you'd think it's normal for others to like you because the thing you lack the least is self…confidence.”

"So, you wouldn't be bothered by others liking you or need to put on a show in front of people.

"But from last night until today, you've been absent-minded five times, fake-smiled seven times, stared into space nine times, which means...

"You care about me."

As the cable car passed over the mountain stream, the sound of rushing water echoed, causing Shen Qingzhi's ears to buzz, leaving only four words in the end.

‘You care about me.’

Just four simple words spoken by that person's mouth completely shattered the weakest defense in her heart in an instant.

Her nose suddenly felt intensely sore, and she instinctively wiped her face on the back of her hand, which turned damp.

A surge of emotions welled up in her chest, and when she spoke again, it carried a hint of tears.

"Yes, that's right. I do care about you. It's not just now—I cared about you deeply nine years ago!"

"You've always known, but so what? You still remained silent and left, not leaving behind even a single word!"

"Do you know how long it takes and how much courage it takes to forget someone you care about?”

"You don't know, you left without saying a word, came back without saying a word, and deliberately came to tease me.”

"I'm a loser. I'll take the bait as soon as I'm flirted with. But then, when I can't live without you again, are you going to retreat once more?”

"Why did you have to say it? I just gave you a signal with my eyes, isn't it better to understand certain things without saying them out loud?"

“I… wu..."

The more Shen Qingzhi talked, the more uncomfortable she became, and in the end, she could only cry. It was obviously a very happy thing to be confessed by someone you like, but she was very sad at the moment.

Some thoughts have been buried deep in her heart for a long time. If she hadn't been provoked to speak them out just now, maybe even she herself wouldn't be able to get the full picture.

She wants to be cared about by Gu Jinrong, and wants to be liked by Gu Jinrong, but also fears caring too much about Gu Jinrong, and liking her too much.

This kind of thinking is actually a bit selfish, but it is the instinct of animals to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages.

The girl's tears flowed out like pearls, big beads streaming down.

Gu Jinrong took several tissues, still unable to completely wipe away the tears of her beloved.

All along, she only thought her little girl had a proud temper, but never expected she would hide such hidden feelings.

The matter from years ago happened in a hurry. She believed she had made the most correct choice, yet never thought it would bring such great hurt to her little girl.

After being back for so long, she was only thinking about starting from scratch, but she never thought about explaining.

Gu Jinrong temporarily put the tissue wet with tears into her coat pocket, held the girl who was shaking with tears with one hand, and patted her back to comfort her with the other hand, "I promise you, I will never leave you again."

"I don't believe it!" Shen Qingzhi was still crying sadly, but now she retorted like a conditioned reflex.

If she remembers correctly, this person also said before that she planned to stay in school and get admitted to Y University and be her schoolmate.

This woman's mouth is a lying ghost! Once there's one, there's a second!

Gu Jinrong slightly dumbfounded to hear someone who was previously very sorrowful suddenly say "I don't believe it" so firmly.

It seems like her image in the little girl's heart has a very low credibility.

The cable car circulated, causing some bumps inside. Gu Jinrong stretched out her arms, holding the person in her arms even tighter, forcing herself to recall past events she didn't want to mention again.

"My parents had a serious car accident abroad years ago, and I had to rush there immediately to handle it. But, I left you a letter."

Shen Qingzhi had only known that Gu Jinrong's parents had always been abroad, but had never heard about the car accident, indicating the news was kept highly confidential.

Seeing the sorrowful expression between Gu Jinrong's brows at this moment, she couldn't focus on her own sadness. Instead, she worriedly asked, "Are Uncle and Auntie okay now?"

Seeing Shen Qingzhi finally stop her tears, Gu Jinrong reached out to ruffle her hair and let out a sigh.

"They underwent major surgery back then, luckily they survived, spent two years recuperating in M country, and afterward, there were no major issues."

"Oh, that's good." Shen Qingzhi's lifted heart settled again, but then she felt something was amiss.

"Since Uncle and Auntie recovered in just two years, why did you only come back this year?"

Gu Jinrong's gaze dimmed, trying her best to remain composed as she recalled.

"In that accident years ago, it wasn't just my family who got hurt, but the responsibility mainly fell on my family. So, I needed to stay behind to settle matters, repay debts...

Repay debts, what a serious word.

But, in reality, when the accident happened, Gu Jinrong herself was separated from the accident site by an ocean.

At that time, she was just in her early twenties.

Shen Qingzhi grabbed Gu Jinrong's arm, looking at her recalling the tragic accident from years ago with an observer's demeanor.

"In the same car with my parents back then were their friends' family.”

“Uncle passed away on the spot, Auntie stayed in the ICU for almost half a year, and their daughter, after the accident, lost the ability to walk with both legs."

"You've heard of that name, she...”

At this moment, a trace of conflict flashed through Gu Jinrong's eyes. The two words "Wen Qi" carried too many unpleasant memories. On the verge of speaking, it was difficult to articulate.

Just as she was trying to mentally prepare herself, her lips were covered by a warmth.

It was Shen Qingzhi's fingertip, placed gently on Gu Jinrong's lips, interrupting her words. "Thank you for telling me all this. You don't have to say the rest if you don't want to."

Gu Jinrong held onto Shen Qingzhi's soft touch on her lips, lightly imprinting a kiss. Between her brows, there was a half-relieved expression due to Shen Qingzhi's intervention, yet it wasn't entirely relieved.

Partly joyful and partly worried, she tentatively inquired, "Then... you don't blame me?"

"I don't blame you anymore."

"Then is there anything else you want to know, such as why that letter..."

"Those are not important anymore, I believe you now."

Since the past is not a good memory, let the memories end here.

Shen Qingzhi now began to understand Gu Jinrong's unwillingness to bring up old things again. Some things, each time they're recalled, only reopen old wounds.

In fact, she has always been willing to believe, that as long as Gu Jinrong is willing to explain it herself, she can figure out all the remaining reasons on her own.

Shen Qingzhi's narcissism is for others, but for the people she really cares about, she understands the need for introspection.

Now, she leaned her upper body against Gu Jinrong's embrace, speaking unusually slowly and calmly.

"Before, I stood from my own standpoint, resenting you for not saying goodbye, thinking you were heartless and cold.”

"But I seldom thought from your perspective, whether something difficult happened to you suddenly or if you had your reasons?"

"Perhaps deep down in my heart, I'd rather believe that you abandoned me than accept that something bad happened to you.”

"After all, at that time, I was only fourteen, so powerless. If something really happened to you, it feels like I couldn't have done anything."

"I later heard you were doing exceptionally well in M country, and then, the tiny hidden worries in my heart disappeared along with it. I, in a self-righteous manner, placed all the blame of our separation on you.

“I am selfish and weak, would you still like someone like that?"

Her original intention was to comfort someone, revealing her darkest and most genuine side in front of the person she cared about. But as she began to pour out everything, she started feeling uneasy and belatedly anxious.

What should she do? This version of Shen Qingzhi seems really hard to be liked by anyone.

Compared to her sunny and well-behaved demeanor when she was a child in front of Gu Jinrong, she now seemed like a completely different person.