***
Jae-hee saw Yoo-jin eating stew with a sullen face and wanted to laugh but held it in. She had been trying to come up with an explanation, but it was in vain. On the way home, she ran into Soo-yeong, who asked, "Did something happen?" with a face that showed she knew nothing. Yoo-jin had been depressed by her strong will to pretend not to know anything. It seemed she felt wronged for losing her dignity as a superior.
"Still sulking, huh?"
"I feel like burying my face in this stew and dying, so please be quiet."
“What? Just say it's because we're newlyweds and get over it eventually."
"What kind of crazy boss does that in the office..."
"Does what?"
Yoo-jin's anger boiled at Jae-hee's cheeky remark. She wondered if Jae-hee was really asking out of ignorance. Yoo-jin realized that she found sly Jae-hee scarier than sarcastic Jae-hee and let out a deep sigh.
Unlike the sullen Yoo-jin, Jae-hee kept smiling. She found the dejected Yoo-jin adorable. Yoo-jin, who usually had a cold and haughty impression, looked so downcast. Determined to remember this rare sight, Jae-hee stared at her persistently.
The server came, cleared the stew bowls, and placed the main dish plates. Despite the server’s enthusiastic explanation of the dish, Yoo-jin listened absentmindedly, which made Jae-hee chuckle. The situation where the guest becomes the host was not bad. Wanting to provoke Yoo-jin further, Jae-hee spoke to herself loudly enough for Yoo-jin to hear.
“...Hmm, the meat here is really good. The texture is lively, like the taste of the hind leg of a cow that used to run around in the field.”
Watching Jae-hee nonchalantly critique the steak made Yoo-jin furious, but she suppressed her anger. She had no idea how to face work tomorrow, but since this was their first meal together after getting married, she did not want it to be marred by a fight. Besides, that earlier... "Beautiful" comment kept bothering her. Her anger would flare up wildly but then quickly subside.
Moreover, the restaurant Jae-hee brought them to, hit the bullseye with Yoo-jin's tastes, from the amuse-bouche to the main dish just served. Yoo-jin couldn't recall a recent meal that pleased her this much. Sensing how much effort Jae-hee had put into this, Yoo-jin thought it best to change the subject.
"...Jae-hee, are you free next week?"
"...Yeah, I am. Why?"
"I'm thinking of having a housewarming party."
"...Inviting company executives?"
She might need to subtract some time. Jae-hee pondered how to rearrange her schedule next week with conference commitments in mind. The response she received, however, caught her off guard.
"No."
"Then?"
"Our fellow students from studying abroad. Tae-ho oppa, Sang-woo oppa, Tae-hee, Shi-yeon unnie... like that."
"Why all of a sudden... Why bother with such a hassle?"
"One of the couples who used to split a bean in half while eating turned out to be the heir of a conglomerate and the CEO of the largest department store in Korea... How betrayed they must have felt. They must have agonized over it at the recent gathering."
It wasn't just agonizing; it was like starring in a drama while getting rained on. Jae-hee looked at Yoo-jin, recalling past memories. Those eyes seemed to see through everything.
"...Almost ghostly."
"...Sang-woo oppa probably felt betrayed and said something. Tae-ho oppa and Shi-yeon unnie were busy trying to stop it, and Tae-hee noticed your reaction, right?"
Jae-hee remained tight-lipped as she watched Yoo-jin accurately describe each person's reaction. Had she received some divine insight? While their long time together as classmates made it an easy guess, even without sharp deductions, Jae-hee oddly felt reassured that those five years meant something special to her too. Smiling contentedly, Jae-hee chuckled. Yoo-jin, catching Jae-hee's smile, turned away hesitantly while slicing her meat and added a comment.
"And... invite Soo-jin too."
"You don't like Soo-jin, don't you?"
"Not anymore."
"What are you talking about? You used to get all fired up whenever Soo-jin's name came up."
"That's not true."
"What on earth did you talk about that day?"
By now, curiosity was unavoidable. Despite their attempts to cover it up, both their reactions were too peculiar. Yoo-jin, who used to visibly dislike even hearing Soo-jin's name, now considered inviting her to the housewarming, which seemed odd. And Soo-jin, who used to break into a cold sweat at the mere mention of Yoo-jin, was also suspicious.
"She worries about you a lot and thinks about you a lot too. She just... seemed like a good person."
"Lies."
"She even brought abalone porridge... She's so kind... What kind of assistant would come to a professor's house to take care of them when they're sick?"
Jae-hee grumbled that Yoo-jin was lying but didn't press further. She was genuinely curious, but Yoo-jin didn't want to talk about it. It was rare to see Yoo-jin rambling like this. Watching Yoo-jin slice her meat while glancing at her, Jae-hee decided it was better to drop the question. Though suspiciously friendly, Yoo-jin was better than a sharp-tongued Yoo-jin.
Moreover, Yoo-jin bringing up the housewarming first was unexpected. The classmates from abroad were Jae-hee's close friends, but they were also Yoo-jin's friends. They had supported and cheered for their five-year relationship, and Yoo-jin felt guilty for not inviting them to their highly publicized wedding or even informing them about it. She wanted to make it up to them in any way she could.
"They were upset that your number changed."
"I'll tell them at the housewarming."
"Is that okay?"
"Why, would it be a problem?"
"...No, it won't."
Jae-hee smiled slightly at the firm answer. Yoo-jin elegantly lifted her wine glass and took a sip.
"You love drinking. Why aren't you drinking today?"
"...Ha Yoo-jin is drinking. What would happen if I drank too?"
"You know wine is okay."
"I have to drive."
Yoo-jin snorted at Jae-hee's excuse, knowing she often called for a designated driver. Jae-hee watched Yoo-jin before looking out the window. The sun was setting. Perfect timing. Jae-hee thought about their post-dinner plans and smiled to herself.
"...What is it?"
Seeing Jae-hee head out of town, Yoo-jin asked where they were going, but Jae-hee reassured her it wasn't a kidnapping and drove to a remote area. After a long drive, they arrived at a mountainside with few streetlights and unpaved roads. Only then did Jae-hee stop the car. Yoo-jin, feeling uneasy, asked again.
"What is it?"
"Get out."
Is she planning to abandon me here because I'm drunk...? Yoo-jin bit her lip nervously and stepped out of the car. Gravel crunched under her heels. The weather was chilly. She cursed herself for not bringing a jacket and turned around.
In the darkness, Jae-hee was just a black silhouette. Startled, Yoo-jin grabbed her phone to shine a light, but Jae-hee blocked it with her hand.
"Why?"
"Wait."
Yoo-jin felt annoyed, as Jae-hee's tone sounded like she was training a puppy away from its food. Firmly telling Yoo-jin to wait, Jae-hee took something from the back seat and approached her. The crunching of footsteps stopped, and something was draped over Yoo-jin's shoulders. It was a rather thick blanket. Jae-hee wrapped the blanket tightly around Yoo-jin and took her hand, leading her forward. After a brief walk, they reached a small lookout. While Yoo-jin fumbled in the darkness, Jae-hee walked confidently as if she were familiar with the place.
"Jae-hee, what are you...?"
"Sit here."
Yoo-jin hesitantly followed Jae-hee's instruction and sat on a bench. As she looked around, she began to understand what Jae-hee had planned.
Jae-hee sat next to Yoo-jin and handed her a can. It was a small can of beer from a convenience store. The can opened with a satisfying hiss. Yoo-jin took a sip of the beer, and Jae-hee slowly looked up at the sky. Yoo-jin, after gazing at Jae-hee's graceful neck, followed her gaze upward.
"...You still love stargazing."
"Preferences don't change overnight."
A brief silence followed. Yoo-jin slowly drank the beer. Wine and beer—it was a heavy mix for alcohol lightweight Ha Yoo-jin, but she didn't mind. Jae-hee was the only person with whom she felt comfortable enough to relax and drink freely.
“Next time, prepare bottled beer for me.”
“You have quite the picky taste, CEO Ha.”
“Not Budweiser, but Sierra Nevada.”
“Yes, yes~”
Jae-hee responded with a shameless smile. Silence fell, and the two looked up at the sky. Being in the countryside and with not a cloud in sight, the night sky was exceptionally clear. The stars stood out brightly. The quiet night air lingered between them. Yoo-jin glanced at Jae-hee, who was gazing at the sky with her jacket draped over her shoulders.
“Aren’t you cold?”
“No.”
“...Liar.”
Yoo-jin unwrapped the blanket from herself and placed it over Jae-hee’s shoulders. Jae-hee didn’t refuse the gesture and scooted a bit closer to Yoo-jin. It seemed she had been cold after all. Despite the shortened physical distance, an awkward tension lingered between them as if the emotional distance had grown. Yoo-jin reached out towards the unreachable sky.
“...If you follow the North Star, straight... you’ll find.”
“Pegasus.”
Yoo-jin slowly lowered her hand. At first, she couldn’t understand Jae-hee’s romantic hobby, but over time, she had come to resemble Jae-hee. Yoo-jin glanced at Jae-hee’s profile. Jae-hee was still beautiful and handsome. In America, they would have kissed in this atmosphere. Ah, how could I think such a thing? Disgusted by her own contradictory feelings, Yoo-jin laughed to herself. Hearing the laugh, Jae-hee looked at Yoo-jin curiously.
“...Why are you laughing?”
“Just because.”
“...?”
Jae-hee turned back to the sky. Yoo-jin didn’t look at the sky again. She played idly with her shoe, making tapping sounds as the heel hit the gravel.
The quiet night air soon became heavy. The moonlight Jae-hee loved illuminated them fully. It was time to talk about what they had tacitly agreed to bury. Placing her beer can down, Yoo-jin quietly spoke first.
“You asked if I have loved you.”
Jae-hee didn’t ask what she meant suddenly. Thinking it was perfect timing, Jae-hee answered without taking her eyes off the sky.
“...Mm.”
“...Haven’t you already made up your mind on your own? Does my answer matter?”
At the pointed question, Jae-hee slowly curled up one corner of her mouth. Yes, I made up my mind alone. Because you still have that look in your eyes, filled with the solid affection I loved. I made up my mind alone, knowing your answer wouldn’t be sincere.
“Yes, it matters. For someone like me who entered this ridiculous contract marriage, I think I deserve to hear it.”
“...Then.”
Yoo-jin tilted the beer can and sipped, her lips pursing familiarly as if imitating someone.
“I’ve never loved you. Not before, not now, not ever. I won’t ever love you.”
“...”
“So, don’t be mistaken.”
It still hurts. Despite knowing it was a lie, Yoo-jin’s words were still painful and stinging. Jae-hee thought she had gotten used to it. The two looked in different directions, saying nothing. The quiet night air turned rough. Silence lingered. Guilt weighed heavily on their shoulders. But Yoo-jin didn’t show it, knowing it was a burden she had to bear.
Despite hearing painful words, Jae-hee didn’t show it just like Yoo-jin. She didn’t collapse like that day. She didn’t shed tears or sob bitterly. Looking at the sky, Jae-hee lowered her gaze like Yoo-jin. Her eyes, accustomed to the darkness, focused on the ground Yoo-jin was looking at.
Occasionally, watching Yoo-jin looking elsewhere, Jae-hee wondered where she was looking. Was she looking at the future, at family, or at ideals? Entangled in unfathomable speculations, she finally asked Yoo-jin where she was looking. Yoo-jin smiled and shook her head, saying it was nothing. Thus, Jae-hee couldn’t find an answer in the end.
It was the same now. There was no answer to be found from the contemplative Yoo-jin. Jae-hee needed Yoo-jin to speak. To open the closed heart of Yoo-jin and understand where she was looking other than at Jae-hee, Jae-hee had to willingly follow her gaze. After watching Yoo-jin’s footsteps move steadily, Jae-hee eventually shifted her gaze to look at Yoo-jin.
The moonlight was neither too bright nor too faint, casting a subtle glow that highlighted the delicate features of Ha Yoo-jin.
In the quiet night, Jae-hee, who had turned upside down a persona she thought didn't suit her, stood up from the bench. The blanket slipped off. Yoo-jin lowered her head and continued speaking.
"...Don't get hurt. Jae-hee, it's me who's bad. Just blame me."
"Whose decision is that?"
Raising her head, she looked at Jae-hee. That look again. Languid pupils. Even in the darkness, her shining black eyes contained waves of emotions so overwhelming they were indescribable. Dangerous. Yoo-jin instinctively thought so. She felt that if she were swept away by those waves of emotion, everything she had done well so far would crumble.
Angry eyes drew closer. One step, two steps. Jae-hee reached out and cupped Yoo-jin's cheek. Yoo-jin straightened her posture as if to flee, turned her head, and bit her lip. Déjà vu. In the study, it was just like that day.
"Look at me."
"..."
"Don't avoid it."
Yoo-jin sighed lightly and turned her head to meet Jae-hee's gaze. Her enraged eyes, as if ready to devour, were too burdensome for Yoo-jin to fully accept. Especially after causing hurt to Jae-hee, meeting this harsh gaze was too cruel. It was a gaze that Yoo-jin couldn't avoid even if she tried. Persistent eyes followed Yoo-jin.
"Blame me if you need to blame someone. Don't mock me. Why would I blame you?"
"..."
"If I thought I'd regret it, I wouldn't have entered into this damn contract marriage."
As the familiar scent, not of artificial perfume but of familiarity, drew closer, Yoo-jin lowered her gaze. The deep neckline accentuated her delicate neck. Yoo-jin couldn't bring herself to meet Jae-hee's eyes. For her, who had once intensely sought this scent without even wearing a single piece of artificial fragrance, it was tormenting. Memories that she couldn't erase filled her mind, no matter how hard she tried.
"I knew I would get hurt when I married."
"..."
"Even though I knew there would be trouble in my life."
“..."
"I knew that marrying you would lead to danger."
“...Why on earth…”
"Why?"
Yoo-jin thought Jae-hee was the woman most suited to a gentle smile. Yes, she thought so. But her voice, tinged with a madness-inducing face, felt like it belonged to the person she used to be, the real her before she met Jae-hee.
"Even though I knew it would be dangerous to be with you…."
Her breath caught. Whatever followed, it was dangerous, no more. Hearing Jae-hee's story…
"…Because I desperately wanted to be entangled with you."
Her heart skipped a beat and sank. Jae-hee, seeing Yoo-jin's trembling eyes, kissed her roughly. Blocking Yoo-jin's mouth with her own, Jae-hee hungrily sought her lips. Startled, Yoo-jin grabbed Jae-hee's blouse. Snap, a button on the blouse fell off. Her tongue, usually soft and warm, now moved restlessly. Yoo-jin tried to push Jae-hee away by gripping her shoulders, but Jae-hee remained unyielding. Exhausted, Yoo-jin eventually let her arms fall limply, closing her eyes slowly. Jae-hee explored Yoo-jin's lips as if about to devour them, until Yoo-jin's resistance faded, finally pulling away.
"Haah... haah..."
With bated breath, sticky lips, and elongated eyelashes. How could anyone not love someone beautiful like this? Jae-hee slowly removed the angry mask that cornered Yoo-jin and knelt on one knee.
"...I love you."
Yoo-jin's breath caught in surprise. Her gaze lowered, lower, until it settled on Jae-hee. The person who moments ago had fierce eyes now held a pleading look. Her clear pupils were so obedient they felt devout.
"If you don't love me."
I couldn't wait any longer, so feel free to point fingers at me for being crappy. So…
"I’ll make you love me."
I'll throw myself at you with everything I have.
"You'll fall in love with me."
With a confident voice as her final statement, moist lips touched Yoo-jin's hand. Setting aside her cold heart, Jae-hee laid down all her pride. Now, there's nothing more important than you. Curious about Yoo-jin's expression, Jae-hee slowly lifted her head. As if forgetting to speak harshly, Yoo-jin gazed at Jae-hee with a face that seemed on the verge of tears.
Under a starry sky, brighter than any star, you shine. It must be a fantastic night, Yoo-jin.
***