“Aigo, Jae-hee’s really drunk.”  

“Last time it was Kim Sang-woo, and today it’s Seon Jae-hee. Yoo-jin, I’m sorry. I should’ve stopped them.”  

“No, it’s fine. You’re calling for a driver, right?”  

“No, I figured everyone would be drinking, so I didn’t bring the car. I’ll just grab a taxi.”  

“Ugh…”

Jae-hee, who had become a wreck, leaned against Yoo-jin and let out a faint groan.  

“Jae-hee, are you okay?”  

“…Kim Sang-woo… I’ll definitely… get my revenge for today’s defeat.”  

“Challenges are always welcome. Ahem.”  

“You immature bastard.”  

When Tae-ho poked Sang-woo in the side, Sang-woo staggered and leaned against Tae-hee. The result of chugging drinks head-to-head left both of them in rough shape. Although Sang-woo was in better condition than Jae-hee, he wasn’t fully sober, so the gathering had to come to an end.  

“We’ll take care of ourselves. Professor Seon doesn’t have any lectures tomorrow morning, so you can wake up late.”  

“That’s right! There’s no faculty meeting or work either. If anything comes up, I’ll contact you right away, so don’t worry.”

“Alright, I’ll invite you again next time. It’s been a while since I had so much fun.”  

After waving goodbye to the group, Yoo-jin supported Jae-hee as soon as everyone left.  

“Jae-hee, can you walk?”  

“Yes, I’m walking straight.”  

Jae-hee kept swaying. With Jae-hee being a full head taller than her, Yoo-jin felt like she was about to die. She slung Jae-hee’s arm over her neck, held her tightly, and tried to guide her to the study. But Jae-hee headed straight for the opposite direction—the master bedroom.  

“Your room is over there, you know?”  

“My room is over there, you know?”  

“No, it’s not! Come… come this way, please!”

“No, listen carefully. The ducks are facing each other. It’s telling you to go to the master bedroom, which is a typical example of Korean totemism. Personally, I don’t prefer having a belief, but there's a saying: when in Rome, do as the Romans do. From a cultural relativist standpoint, as intellectuals, we must respect and follow Korean culture…”

It was no surprise that she spoke like a professor… Watching Jae-hee randomly mix up her knowledge to babble nonsense, Yoo-jin suppressed her words and sighed in resignation. Well, for one night… Plus, with Jae-hee being as drunk as she was, what harm could she possibly do? Yoo-jin pulled the long-legged, wobbly Jae-hee, who was swaying like a sky dancer. She shoved Jae-hee into the master bedroom bed with force, letting out a long sigh as she slumped onto the bed. Jae-hee abandoned on the floor, crawled toward Yoo-jin, and leaned against her waist.

“…Get off.”

“No, impatient im, position pos, signal si, unbelievable ble; it is impossible!”

“…”

Aigo, again. Whether then or now, her drinking habits remained the same. Yoo-jin pressed her own forehead. She had known her for a long time, so she never forced her to drink, which was why she could still be fine. But... could she handle her? Even when she was in her mid-twenties and in her best physical condition, dealing with Jae-hee was tough. Strangely, she could crawl back home in one piece, but once she entered the house, this was the state she was in. She thought it was cute, but it was still too much.  

"...we're just sleeping together."  

"That's something I'm really good at. Just holding hands and sleeping!"  

"Then why hold hands if you're just sleeping?"  

"Because you like it?"

“...No."

"No, eyes can't lie. When our Yoo-jin lies, I can tell. Yep, I know everything."  

"What do you know?"  

Moreover, her drinking habit of speaking without filtering anything and not keeping things inside was still the same. Yoo-jin was poked at the truth and avoided eye contact. Fidgeting, Jae-hee wrapped her arms around Yoo-jin's waist.  

"Let go, I'm going to take a shower."  

"...I don't want to let go."

"I have to clean up too. Let go, just a bit."  

"...I don't want to... I don't want to."  

Even though she said she didn't want to, Jae-hee slowly loosened the hand around Yoo-jin's waist. As if reluctant, her long fingers repeatedly clenched and unclenched. Like a child who had lost a rattle, Jae-hee fidgeted, and Yoo-jin glanced at her before leaving the bedroom. Seeing the mess in the dining room, Yoo-jin sighed as if the ground had sunk beneath her. She began carrying the scattered dishes to the sink.

They had always used a professional cleaning service hired for the apartment, but due to privacy concerns, she never employed a housekeeper. Grumbling, she carried the dishes. Still, thanks to the fun gathering, her irritation didn't last long. After wiping down the dining table with a dishcloth, Yoo-jin began organizing the gifts people had brought. Placing the ducks that Tae-ho had prepared on the living room cabinet, Yoo-jin stared at the ducks opposite for a while.  

"...Must be nice, you two."  

Today, Jae-hee had shown her affection openly, just like in their dating days, without any restraint. It seemed as if she had made a vow not to spare any love, as she carefully took care of Yoo-jin. For Yoo-jin, it was affection that felt overwhelming. The reason it was much more overwhelming than during their relationship was obvious without needing to be said.  

'Because my feelings have changed.'

It was different from back then when she hadn’t deeply delved into or defined their relationship. Despite that, Jae-hee's love remained the same. That’s why it felt overwhelming. A person who had once been as calm as a gentle wave now swept through her heart like a raging storm. Every time such excessive affection was poured out, Yoo-jin thought about her own worthiness.

If there were someone who didn’t deserve to be loved, it was herself. Even though she knew Jae-hee had been hurt by her reckless emotions, she didn’t stop. Yoo-jin herself knew there was something wrong with her. Yet, she didn’t seek treatment. She was afraid of change. So, she wanted to stay the same and stayed the same.

No one in this world can live their life constantly receiving someone else's emotions. If there is no compromise, sharing, or yielding the other person will inevitably get exhausted, and when the tired person can no longer hold on and leaves, the relationship will collapse. Yeah, it can’t be helped… but why does Seon Jae-hee not leave and stubbornly stay by my side? Watching me, adjusting to my bad personality. She must know that my looks, which will fade with time, and my wealth, which only fuels greed, are not enough to be pledged for a lifetime. Above all, she must know that emotions are the most important thing. Why is our smart Jae-hee, who has learned so much, making a mistake? Why is she making the mistake of loving someone like me?

Yoo-jin finished tidying up and entered the bathroom. With a soft rustle, the dress she was wearing slipped off. Her pale skin gleamed under the lights. She let the cascading water pour endlessly over her. Jae-hee was the one person who had been everything new to Yoo-jin. It was the first time she had given someone her number, the first time she had dated, the first kiss, the first time they had been intimate, the first proposal, and the first marriage. Everything was the first. That’s why she must be swept up in it.  

'It’s not because it’s the first time, it’s because it’s Jae-hee.'  

Every time she tried to dismiss it as just the first time, Jae-joon’s words kept coming to her mind. Jae-joon’s words spread and spread, until eventually, it wasn’t that ‘Jae-hee was the first to open my heart that was like a fortress.’ It was that, among so many people, ‘Jae-hee was the first to enter my heart.’ That’s what made her think so.

When the medicine Yoo-jin had brought from Korea ran out and she took Nyquil (Nyquil: an American cold medicine that contains a sleep-inducing ingredient), Jae-hee, who had not pressured her but gently comforted her, came to mind. Yoo-jin recalled Jae-hee’s eyes, filled with deep concern, deeper than the usual pity she always received. Those eyes, which carried a sense of helplessness as if Jae-hee couldn’t do anything, and her sorrowful expression saying, “I’m sorry I can’t do anything for you,” lingered in her mind. If there hadn’t been those days when Jae-hee had patted her back with affectionate hands, how could she have continued to live?

The person who made me enjoy the noisy places I had been obsessively avoiding, the person who cured my insomnia that no doctor had been able to cure, the person who keeps making me hope that there might be eternal love. The person who, in the endless waiting, does not rush me but tries to show me more.

“...Because it’s Jae-hee.”

I know the answer, but I still want to deny it. I don’t even know myself well, Jae-hee. I feel like I should just love you, but my heart cannot do that. I, who don’t even deserve your love, keep longing for it. How could someone like me crave your love? What should I do from now on? I really don’t know, Jae-hee.

She cautiously opened the bedroom door. Since the morning, she had been working nonstop and was exhausted. All that was on Yoo-jin's mind was that she wanted to sleep quickly. If Jae-hee were awake, it was obvious it would be a distant hope. Yoo-jin hoped Jae-hee was asleep, but Jae-hee, without meeting her expectations, had tightly wrapped herself in the blanket and was blinking while looking at the ceiling.

As Yoo-jin entered, Jae-hee sprang up. Then, she pushed the blanket aside and patted the spot next to her. Yoo-jin moved a hand's breadth behind Jae-hee's and sat on the edge of the bed. The expensive mattress didn't shake at all. As she got closer to Jae-hee, a faint scent of lotion wafted. So, she had enough energy to wash up.

“...Let’s go to sleep quickly.”

The light went out, and the sound of rustling blankets followed. Yoo-jin thought she had gotten used to sleeping alone since entering this house, but it seemed that was not the case. A hand quietly reached out and grabbed Yoo-jin's hand. Well, just a hand. Thinking it was no big deal, Yoo-jin held onto Jae-hee's hand. There was the incident on a rainy day when Yoo-jin had crawled into Jae-hee's bed and quietly accepted Jae-hee's drunken behavior.

However, Jae-hee, who had said they would just hold hands and sleep, immediately wanted to hold Yoo-jin after taking her hand and began to think about it. Due to the alcohol, Jae-hee's usual reasoning stopped, and instead of following her head, she decided to follow her heart. Turning over with a rustling sound, Jae-hee looked up at Yoo-jin with shining eyes and asked,

"Can I hug you?"

With her other hand, Jae-hee adjusted and grabbed Yoo-jin's hand, staring at Yoo-jin’s silhouette with a desperate gaze. 

"Really? Is it not possible?"

Even though Yoo-jin couldn't see it, she felt Jae-hee's gaze. The persistent and sparkling look was sharp, and Yoo-jin decided once again to give in to Jae-hee. She turned toward Jae-hee.

As if waiting for it, Jae-hee pulled Yoo-jin’s waist, and being taller than Yoo-jin, she burrowed into her arms. Every time their breaths met, an odd feeling rose in Yoo-jin. She had thought she would fall asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow because she was so tired, but since Jae-hee had held her hand, the sleepiness had completely vanished. It was strange. Her heart was racing more than usual. Thump, thump. Her heartbeat sounded loudly, and it couldn’t be heard by Jae-hee. Please stop. Please. Stop. Stop racing.

"...Ugh!"

Chuk, her lips touched the nape of Yoo-jin's neck. Yoo-jin gasped in shock, then grabbed Jae-hee's shoulder. But Jae-hee only grinned and didn't stop. She raised her body, pressing down on Yoo-jin's arm, and slowly began to leave kiss marks starting from the nape of her neck.

"...What are you doing…?!"

Reaching out, she tried to push her away with all her might, but it was the same for Jae-hee. Struggling to leave her mark, Jae-hee slowly moved down to her collarbone. In the silent struggle between the two, Yoo-jin’s gown gradually came undone. 

Jae-hee stretched out her hand, pressed Yoo-jin’s arm, and raised her body. She pressed her thigh against Yoo-jin’s thigh. The soft skin was felt through the thin pajama pants. It was a shame that the fabric was in the way, stopping her from fully feeling that skin, so Jae-hee clicked her tongue. She thought about how she should’ve just taken the clothes off. She left a kiss mark, thinking that Yoo-jin would be surprised if she found out. Chup, chup, chuk. 

“Mmph… Hh… Ugh!”

Ironically, Jae-hee carefully placed kisses only on Yoo-jin's sensitive spots. Her treacherous body seemed unwilling to resist, as all strength drained away. Yoo-jin slowly released her grip. When the resistance disappeared, Jae-hee loosened the pressure she had been applying on Yoo-jin’s arm. As the force that had been applied to the point of pain faded away, Yoo-jin grabbed Jae-hee’s collar. Jae-hee continued to leave lingering kiss marks, letting out heated moans, not stopping her rough movements. Her wild, animalistic gestures made Yoo-jin's body heat up.

“Hah... Hah.”

For the first time, the moans of a newlywed couple lingered in the room. Jae-hee, who had been forcefully pressing her lips, seemed to have calmed down a bit and slowly traced her fingers along Yoo-jin's waist. Yoo-jin's chest rose and fell in a tumultuous rhythm. Their eyes met. As she looked into Jae-hee's sparkling eyes, Yoo-jin couldn't help but close her own eyes out of habit. A soft laugh was heard.  

"...Are you looking forward to it?"

Yoo-jin's eyes shot open at the seductive, honeyed voice. With a mischievous smile that seemed to belong to a fox spirit capable of enchanting others, Jae-hee looked at Yoo-jin. In a moment of delayed embarrassment, Yoo-jin grabbed Jae-hee's shoulders and tried to push her away again, but Jae-hee also exerted some force and lowered her body, pressing her lips lightly against Yoo-jin's.

Chup-

The wet lips met. Jae-hee, slightly frowning at the hair falling into her face, pushed it aside. Their eyes met for a moment, and then slowly, Jae-hee's gaze drifted downward. Yoo-jin, faced with the bold gaze heading toward her chest, let out a chuckle as if it were all absurd. This situation was completely unexpected, and Yoo-jin didn't know how to react. She briefly considered whether to get angry or shout at Jae-hee, who persistently sent mischievous looks her way.

Taking her silent gaze away, Jae-hee planted a peck on Yoo-jin's forehead, a bird-like kiss, then buried her face in Yoo-jin's shoulder. The weight of it made Yoo-jin let out a small moan.

"Your boobs are really... beautiful."

“...”

"And... it's really big."  

At the low voice that echoed in her ear, Yoo-jin's face turned red. She couldn't believe how unaware Jae-hee was of her embarrassment...! It was dark, so neither Yoo-jin nor Jae-hee noticed, but Yoo-jin's face gradually grew warmer. Feeling like something really big was about to happen, Yoo-jin mustered up her strength and pushed Jae-hee away once more. Then, with a soft motion, Jae-hee was pushed aside, laughing quietly, and buried her face in the pillow.  

Yoo-jin sat up, primly gathered the front of her gown, and firmly tied the strings again. In a voice barely audible, she scolded Jae-hee.  

"...Please be quiet."  

With her voice embarrassed and subdued, Jae-hee, still buried in the pillow, turned her body and looked up at Yoo-jin. Ah, that expression. I know it well. She always makes that strange face when she's embarrassed. Her eyebrows rise mischievously, her eyes are filled with energy, and her lips are tightly pressed together. No one knows Yoo-jin better than I do. Jae-hee grinned slyly, closing her eyes.  

"I won't do it anymore. Sleep, sleep."

"How can I trust you?"  

"You know. If you don't want me to, I won't do it."  

"...I told you not to remember stuff like that."  

"Ah, ouch, ah~"  

Yoo-jin poked Jae-hee's ribs with her foot, prodding her. Jae-hee grinned and reached out, and a truly exhausted Yoo-jin sighed, following Jae-hee's lead as she was pulled backward. Holding her hand again, Jae-hee seemed unreliable, but as she had said, if she didn't want to do something, she wouldn't. Jae-hee rubbed her right rib and closed her eyes. Her naughty hands slid along Yoo-jin's waist once again.  

"...You said hugging to sleep is fine."  

"...Hah."

Despite a deep sigh that seemed to express her exhaustion, Jae-hee didn't care and burrowed into Yoo-jin's embrace. Thinking it was a bad drinking habit that made people tired, Yoo-jin gave up resisting and draped her arm around Jae-hee's back. Jae-hee nestled into the cozy arms. Despite being such a sharp-tongued person, she thought Yoo-jin's embrace was incredibly tender, and she closed her eyes.  

"...Hoo."  

Dawn was breaking. The sun rose beyond the dim horizon. Yoo-jin placed her hand on her chest and leaned against the bed's headboard. Jae-hee, who had fallen into a deep sleep, was curled up like a shrimp, holding Yoo-jin's hand tightly. The heat from Jae-hee's chest made Yoo-jin's own chest burn.  

"...Ha ugh."

A strange sigh escaped. To avoid letting Jae-hee hear her heart, which felt like it was going to burst, Yoo-jin struggled with all her might. Her heart, burning with anxiety, continued to beat powerfully. She couldn’t even sigh, honestly, not a single sigh could she let out. She couldn’t calm her heart.

She should resent Shi-yeon, who taught her the honeymoon signal... But why does she not feel a single bit of resentment? Could it be lust? Yoo-jin immediately shook her head. No, that can’t be it. Lust? There’s no way. Unless I’ve lost my mind...

"...Ha!"

The memories of making love like a crazy person suddenly resurfaced. No matter how hard she tried to erase them, the memories spread, and the feelings from that time began to revive. It was already overwhelming enough with Jae-hee's actions. The lingering memories only intensified the confusion.

‘What on earth do I want to do right now?’

If I’m going to push her away, I should do it for real. But instead of pushing Jae-hee away with some excuse that doesn’t even work, I was only pulling her closer. Even today, it is the same. From the kiss to accepting Jae-hee’s drunken ramblings, I was eagerly satisfying my own selfish desires. I couldn’t even convince myself anymore.  

Yoo-jin slowly closed her eyes. As soon as she shut them, a scene came to mind. The dizzying confession from just a few days ago replayed clearly in her head. How could Jae-hee stake everything and woo me like that?  

'...I love you.'

‘If you don’t love me.’

‘I’ll make you love me.’

‘You’ll fall in love with me.’

The beautiful night sky filled with shining stars, the romantic confession, and Jae-hee, who loved only her. She remembered the night when tears welled up because she hated herself for not being able to immerse in those perfect things. I don’t belong here. I can’t blend in. I’m someone who doesn’t deserve it. She gnawed away at her own worth as 'Ha Yoo-jin,' as 'myself.'  

Yoo-jin, who had to throw herself into unbearable humiliation, once again recalled the happiest moment, only to sink into the deepest, most wretched despair.  

“Hmm…”

Muttering softly in her sleep, Jae-hee grabbed Yoo-jin's hand. As if not allowing her to go anywhere, the grasp on her hand pulled Yoo-jin out of her overwhelming thoughts. She looked at Jae-hee. Those delicate eyes, which softened only for her, were gently closed. The lips that had left their mark on her without hesitation were now quietly shut as if nothing had happened. Her peacefully sleeping face was endearing. The one and only person who could pull her out of her severe despair was right by her side.  

Yoo-jin had firmly believed that her desire for Jae-hee was solely for her mental stability. Because Jae-hee knew her best and understood her so well, she thought that was why she kept wanting her by her side. She had convinced herself that it was to calm this dreadful anxiety she constantly battled.

However, that conviction began to crack little by little. Simply having Jae-hee by her side no longer satisfied her. If all she truly wanted was stability, she shouldn’t have cared what Jae-hee did, just like when she once told her to get a girlfriend. But Yoo-jin didn’t do that. No, she couldn’t. She was shaken to her core, overwhelmed with sorrow, and barely managed to feel relief. To define her need for Jae-hee as nothing more than anxiety felt incomplete, as an inexplicable reason kept asserting its presence. Because of that unknown reason, Yoo-jin couldn’t push Jae-hee away. On the contrary, the mysterious reasons for needing Jae-hee kept growing.

She thought, perhaps, just perhaps, I am reaching out to Jae-hee like a castaway pleading for salvation. Because Jae-hee is the only one who can save me from suffocating, and if it’s Jae-hee… wouldn’t she become my San Salvador? Wouldn’t she truly… make me fall in love?  

‘...Are you looking forward to it?’

She recalled the words that bewitched her last night, spoken with a face no one could resist. Yes, Jae-hee, I think I’m looking forward to something from you. I’m looking forward to your unpredictable self. I’m curious about what kind of shock you’ll bring, how you’ll shake me up. I can’t help but look forward to it.  

She knew it was a selfish kind of anticipation. Yet, Yoo-jin couldn’t stop herself from hoping. She decided to humbly admit that the words she had once thrown at Jae-joon were wrong. The statement where she had confidently declared that she didn’t love Jae-hee had been mistaken. And now, she resolved to place her hopes in this feeling she still couldn’t fully understand.

Yoo-jin slowly brushed Jae-hee’s hair aside. The soft strands slipped gently through her fingers. A sweet scent lingered at the tip of her nose. It was Jae-hee’s scent, the faint sweetness from Seon Jae-hee’s skin. Without realizing it, Yoo-jin’s lips curled upward. A tender smile rested at the corner of her mouth.  

‘Make me fall in love with you, Jae-hee.’  

I’m looking forward to your love, one that will embrace even my selfish heart, Jae-hee.

Chup, the sound of lips meeting echoed softly. Yoo-jin slowly released the hand she had been holding. Watching Jae-hee’s hand open and close as if reluctant to let go of the warmth held throughout the night, Yoo-jin left behind a contented smile and quietly exited the bedroom.

Jae-hee, who had been fast asleep, retracted her outstretched left arm as soon as Yoo-jin left. She gently touched her lips, recalling the intense kiss that left her chest tingling. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open.  

“...I’m really gonna die.”  

Only Ha Yoo-jin could steal my heart and be this shameless.  

“This is foul, Ha Yoo-jin.”

Reassured that her thoughts were no longer foolish fantasies, Jae-hee placed a hand on her heated cheek and laughed.

I had already decided to stake everything on Yoo-jin, yet I don’t understand why I feel so reluctant. It feels like just giving all of myself won’t be enough... Yoo-jin seems too precious to me. I had planned to approach slowly, but she kept breaking that resolve. I want to conquer the impregnable fortress of her heart and be loved by her. The thought of making you fall in love with me is making me grow increasingly impatient.

What should I do? You're so adorable that I can't stand it, Yoo-jin.

Continued in Volume 2 of 『Contract Marriage: Suspicion』