Chapter 81: Original Version

T/N: minimal changes, they're in green text

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At 1:10 in the afternoon, the city's roads were still crowded with traffic. Gu Xizhi drove through the bustling streets, and her speeding often earned her curses from the drivers left behind.

Being late often drove people to be fearless and crazy, but unfortunately, time was never forgiving.

The road leading to the music hall was not as crowded with media reporters as expected. A glimpse from the elevated road revealed the grand and elegant sail-shaped music hall situated on the water, surrounded on three sides by water. Trimmed green lawns extended for hundreds of meters at the entrance of the building. The modern white porcelain enamel exuded elegance and romance in the pure architectural space.

After getting off the elevated road, and driving on the long granite road, the desolate road only made Gu Xizhi even more uneasy.

When she approached a row of white fences, Gu Xizhi parked her car by the side of the road. When she intended to approach the fence, a black figure sitting on a tree branch startled her for a moment. Upon closer inspection, she found a person indeed perched on the treetop.

The upper body of the person wore a crisp white thin shirt with a French square collar, looking dignified. The collar and the contrasting color on the folded cuffs were particularly eye-catching. The silk necktie with exquisite printing and the finely crafted black onyx-plated white gold cufflinks added a touch of luxury and nobility. The whole person appeared exceptionally elegant.

Gu Xizhi was hesitant for a while, mainly because of the person's relaxed posture. She wanted to say something but hesitated due to the man's closed eyes. In this state, she remained unsure for about half a minute when Shen Ya's voice unexpectedly emerged.

"She's inside."

Gu Xizhi looked at him more closely, but he still leaned against the tree trunk, closing his eyes. His side profile was shrouded in shadow, making it hard to discern his expression.

"...Thank you." Gu Xizhi thought for a while and replied with only this, then quickly ran towards the music square.

Walking past the music square and entering the music hall, the 10-meter-long art corridor left Gu Xizhi disoriented. Following the signs, she arrived on the second floor. The terraced golden hall was empty, and sunlight streamed in through triangular windows, making the rows of seats look like vast golden waves of wheat.

Unable to find Qu Xizhi, Gu Xizhi felt a bit anxious. She walked down the corridor towards the auxiliary building. When she was close to the western restaurant, the sound of a piano drifted faintly. Gu Xizhi followed the sound and looked out of the glass window, and she was momentarily captivated. The winter sunlight was thin, and wispy layers of clouds stretched for miles. Dark blue mountains surrounded the water, and in the landscaped area behind the music hall, the trees were sparse, and the large dry branches made the winter appear gloomy. Only clusters of plum blossoms added a touch of peach-like color to the desolate space.

A beautiful woman sat facing the lake under the flower arbor at the black piano, her long white dress trailing like a blooming hibiscus. The slow and melancholic C minor melody tore cracks in the sunlight. She had her back to the music hall, and her posture was still graceful, even more so than any previous time.

Even without seeing her face, her forever-straight posture seemed to carry special significance. Gu Xizhi went down the escalator, treading alongside the cool sound of water towards the landscaped area. When she was about to approach her, she suddenly couldn't take another step.

The sunlight filtered through the branches, casting dappled shadows on the dignified white, mixing up the petals and the blooming skirt. The mournful sonata under her fingers almost lost its dissonance. It was just the repetition of the first movement that filled the air with oppression and heaviness.

Gu Xizhi stood silently behind her, with a two-meter distance that felt like an insurmountable gap.

The sound from Qu Xizhi's fingers became increasingly restrained and sorrowful.

"When I was young, my mom told me that my ancestors and my father were all very successful people. They had a certain influence in society, and any small mistake in their words or actions could be seized upon by the media, criticized by the public, or even condemned."

The piano music accompanied the clear flowing water, and the pale pink plum petals drooped and swayed with the wind.

Her voice was gentle and melodious. "When I was five, my mom made me learn painting, musical instruments, calligraphy, and etiquette. She said my environment was perfect, and she could provide me with the best in terms of clothing, food, education, and manners. She also said my environment was cruel because it required me to become a well-mannered and elegant lady, just like my peers."

"At that time, most of the girls around me came from similar backgrounds. Their average age was only seven or eight, but when they ate in a Western restaurant, they would elegantly place the napkins on their laps. They never made a sound while eating, and they would offer a polite smile to friends and strangers alike. Each of them was like a little princess, but they never spoke loudly or got angry because one of the signs of refinement is the ability to control one's emotions, and they needed to be labeled as such."

"My mother, Yin Jun, is a very strong-willed person. Because my older sister was naturally rebellious, she had been scolded by our grandmother for her misconduct. She was even stricter with me during my early years."

"I have been learning ballet from a young age, not to master the dance but to become more elegant and beautiful in posture. In her eyes, a well-dressed lady should always wear high heels, no matter whether it hurts her feet or not. No matter what happens, she should remain calm and graceful."

"She was strict, never careless about posture when walking or standing, and had high expectations for etiquette and speech. At her table, as long as there were elders present, I couldn't leave the table early, no matter how long their conversation went on. I should understand art, fashion, economics, and even politics to be ready for any social event. Different types of alcohol had to be poured into different glasses, and the way to hold a wine glass and pour it should never be wrong."

"Although I didn't like her education, the environment around me was such that, even if it was painful at times, I gradually got used to these standardized manners that had nothing to do with my true nature."

"Under her various strong teachings, I learned how to strike more elegant poses, how to produce a polite and yet friendly smile, how to control my emotions, and how to leave a comfortable impression in the first conversation. Sometimes, when facing a lady praised by everyone, I felt like I was dealing with someone full of superficiality as if I couldn't touch her soul."

"For a long time, I believed that girls should be dignified and proper like that until I changed schools and encountered more diverse girls, only to realize that they had their own postures and emotions when they smiled."

"When I was ten, my mother had a school reunion, and the school invited many alumni and prominent figures. Your mother and mine were both invited. Later, I found out that they were former schoolmates. When my mom returned that day, she brought back many photos. There were pictures of her while giving a speech, talking to others, and also group photos with old classmates. But what made me sad was one picture of her with you and your mother."

"Your mom dotes on you, so despite the long and inconvenient journey, she brought you there to play according to your wishes. In that photo, your mom and mine stood under a tree, and you stood in front of them, with a wide, carefree smile, as if you knew nothing but happiness. Growing up to be pretty and smiling so freely is something to envy. When my mom saw me staring at that photo, she told me that the girl in the picture was also named Xizhi, but the difference was that you had the surname Gu."

"Maybe you can't understand, but my initial feeling at the time was, why are our names so similar, yet the difference is so significant? You smiled so brightly, while I was full of ugly pretense. Others could be cheerful, but why did you have to be so cheerful with the same name, Xizhi?"

"Your name was truly a terrifying thing for me. That entire summer when I was ten, I studied various musical instruments in the music room, but every time I looked up and saw that photo, saw you, I would cry and cry continuously. But even after crying, I had to continue learning. I think I was envious of you at that time.

"Perhaps because my mentality gradually twisted, I began to envy people like you. Later, I noticed the only person around me who could switch between two different appearances, Lin Mingling. Naively, I thought that apart from the appearance required by the elders, she was actually brave and spontaneous. So, during the years from fourteen to fifteen, I made the biggest mistake I've ever made so far, I learned to protect her.

"Unfortunately, growth makes people understand more truths, and it also makes the more mature me realize the benefits of my upbringing. At sixteen, I gradually distanced myself from her. She unexpectedly didn't give up and even had several hysterical outbursts. It wasn't until my birthday that she brought me a gift, and I refused to accept it. She stayed in front of my house all night. The next morning, when I was getting ready for school, I found her sitting on my front lawn with disheveled hair, crying."

"My living environment was already oppressive, and an incident like this worsened my mental state. When I faced her, I was always filled with guilt. She remained relentless, and no matter how I apologized, she couldn't forgive me. As time went on, I became exhausted and couldn't accept her emotions. Eventually, it ignited her anger."

"Time is good medicine after all. After a long period of psychological adjustment, our condition has improved a lot. At twenty, seeing you in the media added more colors to my life, and at that time, I became so devoted that I treated it as another world. I continued to see you as another version of myself. I gathered all the information about you, watched you grow, watched you fall in love with others, and urgently wanted to pull you out of a bad situation when you met the wrong person. At that time, I thought I liked another version of myself in this world, someone like you. I wanted to protect, someone I wanted to sacrifice for, someone I wanted to have forever. It was still me."

"At that time, I only thought that getting close to you, being good to you, and wanting to preserve your nature were all pathological ways to compensate for myself, unrelated to you."

"The more morbid the emotions, the less I dared to mention them. I never even dared to tell you how much I liked you. The longer it went on, the more I realized that you and I have always been two lonely individuals. I couldn't control your thoughts and actions, make you like me as I wished, or keep you from leaving me. But I still wanted to protect you, to the extent that I couldn't even imagine you disappearing from my side."

"Being a vegetarian is because I believe in the existence of sin. In fact, I am afraid of sins. But when I sought Bo Yiqing out, I vaguely considered the consequences, whether it was wishful thinking or numbness, I was willing to go to hell for it. I did it hoping that you would get closer to me, but unfortunately, it didn't bring us closer; it pushed you further away."

"Later, I carefully considered the reason for your departure. I understand that you would make the same choice a hundred times if you looked back, and I also understand your reluctance to be compared to me."

"I just found that I understand you less and less."

"You were willing to kneel to seek forgiveness from my mom, but you could heartlessly avoid looking at me. You clearly wore the ring I gave you but decisively walked away for over 800 days and nights. I don't understand why I feel restless when I see you talking to Tang Yu, and you remain unresponsive even when you know I'm with Zhong Linshan. I don't understand why your feelings for me are always hesitant, why you're tolerant of everything except me. I often feel that you still like me, yet I often think it's just my sickly imagination."

"One way for actors to subvert their previous image and make the audience reacquaint themselves is to play a homosexual role. After a long time, I realized that I couldn't wait for you to come back on your own, so I tried every means to connect, but I could only look at your location through the tracker on your ring, getting closer and closer. Finally, one day you appeared by my side, but not to find me."

"At Zhong Linshan's birthday party, I didn't drink too much, I knew you weren't there to see me, yet I didn't want to admit it. Unfortunately, in the end, I could only get you upstairs through Scarlett Li as the bait."

"Those words, some true, some false, were mostly meant for you to hear. I waited for over 800 days, not wanting to lose even a single hug easily."

Perhaps it's the strong sense of unease that makes me become so anxious, unable to imagine you leaving again, unable to imagine that no matter how hard I try, I can't bring you back. So even though we promised to start over that night, I didn't feel happy at all."

"Sometimes the more you care about something, the less you dare to mention it."

"I feel very ashamed of the things I've done, that madness, yes. I no longer seek forgiveness, and I don't want to continue this diseased, exhausting, and repetitive relationship, so whether it's engagement or marriage, it doesn't matter to me."

It's been almost four years, whether it's Zhong Linshan's birthday or Christmas a few days ago, I've been anxious and uneasy waiting. I thought this time I could finally break free, but in the end, I fell into the same cycle."

"Do you know? Before this engagement ceremony, Lin Mingling came to me. She said you would come but only after the wedding. Then she told me all the reasons for you coming or not."

"She's terrifying, but I still wanted to wait, to wait for the brave back of the Gu Xizhi I love to treasure."

But in the end, she was right. Our relationship was so fragile and easily shattered. Looking back, it seems like a joke. This is my biggest failure, and it will be your regret."

"This is for the best, at least it made me realize that giving up is our happiest way out."

"Perhaps this relationship has been wrong and twisted since the first time I saw you. I have liked you for so long, chased you for so long, and waited for so long. Now, I am finally willing to end this failed mistake."

The sound of the piano had stopped long ago, Qu Xizhi's straight back gradually relaxed, and her voice was so soft that she could no longer hear it.

"Gu Xizhi, we..."

The sunlight pierced through the blossoms, casting dappled shadows on the pristine skirt. The plum blossoms on the branches thrived, opening vigorously in the wind. However, such exuberance also marked the swift decline of life.

Gu Xizhi watched as the blurry figure slowly collapsed, as if afraid, her entire body trembling, not daring to take a single step forward.

In the distance, like the green mountains shrouded in thin mist, water vapor rose, and warm smoke wafted, and spiraled to envelop.

The blurry figure lay among the petals, her features peacefully closed. Faint floral shadows fell on her fair face, casting a bright hue, yet the damp lashes added a sense of tranquility and serenity.

Her eyebrows were like crescent moons, her striking red lips made her complexion almost eerie.

She is still beautiful.