Chapter 81: Indifference
The cold wind howled and whipped Xia Lingying’s face painfully. The brightness in the courtyard burned her heart. She stared blankly at Xiao Moyan, not knowing what to say.
How long had it been... how long since she last saw Xiao Moyan this furious? Xia Lingying clenched her fists, bit her lip, and slowly lowered her head under Xiao Moyan’s gaze.
“Uh—Xiaxia’s back, come here, you must be cold.”
Mrs. Xu spoke up, breaking the awkward silence. She glanced carefully at Xiao Moyan. She could imagine how angry Xiao Moyan was right now. A whole day, she cleared her schedule, pushed everything aside, and spent it all preparing Xiaxia’s birthday. Did everything herself. Got everyone involved. She just wanted to give her a surprise. But in the end... Xiaxia and Gu Yuan...Still, she couldn’t blame Xiaxia. They all hid it from her. Ai...
Xiao Moyan’s posture hadn’t changed at all. Arms crossed, she just kept staring at Xia Lingying. But the coldness in her eyes grew heavier and heavier, pressing down so hard it made it hard to breathe.
Seeing her like this, even Mrs. Xu got scared. She pressed her lips together and didn’t dare say another word.
Fang Ruolin gave Mrs. Xu and Su Lianxue a look. The three of them glanced at Xia Lingying, sighed, and stepped back through the snow in a hurry.
The fireworks in the middle of the courtyard were still blooming in brilliant colors, but Xiao Moyan’s heart was ice cold.
Jealousy? Anger? Heartache? No. No word could describe what she felt now. She had spent the whole day busy, just hoping Xiaxia would be happy. And in the end, what did she get in return?
What did Xiaxia being in Gu Yuan’s arms mean?
And what did she herself count as?
Disheartened. Extremely disheartened...
“Xiao… I’m sorry...”
Xia Lingying looked up at Xiao Moyan and spoke softly, her eyes full of guilt and unease. She hadn’t expected Xiao Moyan to be like this. If she had known...
Xiao Moyan stared at her. The icy sharpness in her eyes stabbed into Xia Lingying’s heart.
Dragging heavy steps, Xia Lingying slowly walked up to her and reached out to hug her.
“I’m sorry. I thought you forgot... Gu Yuan was going abroad, so… I’m sorry...”
Xiao Moyan stood stiff, letting her hug without moving at all. This kind of Xiao Moyan made Xia Lingying feel extremely uneasy.
Afraid, she looked up at her, tiptoed, and kissed her on the forehead.
“Xiao, say something, please... don’t be like this...”
“What do you want me to say?”
Xiao Moyan finally spoke, her voice flat. That tone, that expression, Xia Lingying had never seen it before.
It was like… they were strangers, like none of it had anything to do with her.
Xia Lingying’s heart ached. She tightened her arms around Xiao Moyan.
Xiao Moyan stared ahead with no expression. Xia Lingying’s hug slowly warmed her frozen body, but her heart… was still ice cold.
“Were you happy… with him?”
The hoarse voice came out low, carrying a trace of pain.
Xia Lingying shook her head hard, her cheek rubbing gently against Xiao Moyan’s neck.
“No, it’s not—it’s not what you think...”
Xiao Moyan let out a cold laugh. She didn’t reply. Her hands slowly moved down and pushed hard at Xia Lingying’s shoulders.
“Let go—”
“Xiao...”
Xia Lingying was terrified. She shook her head and clung to her tightly.
“I—said—let—go—”
Xiao Moyan looked at Xia Lingying and said each word clearly and coldly. The anger in her eyes was gathering fast.
Xia Lingying stared at her blankly for a moment. In the end, her hands slowly dropped.
Without a trace of hesitation, Xiao Moyan turned around. She didn’t even glance at Xia Lingying. She walked straight to the car, opened the door, and got in.
Xia Lingying froze. Then she snapped out of it, quickly turned around and rushed after her. She grabbed the car door, but it was locked from the inside. Xiao Moyan had locked it.
Left with no choice, she started banging on the window hard.
“Xiao, please listen to me! Let me explain, okay? There’s really nothing going on between us. I thought you were busy, that you didn’t have time for me, so—”
All the anger that Xiao Moyan had been holding in, burst out at once because of Xia Lingying’s words. She took a deep breath, started the car, and slowly drove out the gate.
What right did she have to be mad at Xia Lingying? It was her birthday—who she spent it with wasn’t her business. Whether it was Gu Yuan or someone else, who could she blame?
Xia Lingying jogged after the car, slapping the window again and again. Her voice shook from panic.
“Xiao, don’t go—”
“Today’s my birthday… you can’t leave...”
….
Xiao Moyan stared coldly ahead. Her hands gripping the steering wheel tightened again and again. Her lips were pressed together hard. The anger she had held back all night surged up all at once.
She was angry—angry at what Xia Lingying said! What did she mean by thinking she was busy, had no time to be with her, so she went to Gu Yuan?! Was Gu Yuan her backup? When she was not around, she just went to him to take warmth? What did that hug mean?! What had she promised her? All that full heart of expectation, and in the end, this was the result!
The car sped along the road. Xia Lingying’s figure turned blurry, then disappeared. Xiao Moyan bit her lower lip, trying hard to suppress the heartache that couldn’t be held back. She followed the road and drove to a familiar alley, parked the car in front of the bar, pushed open the door, and walked in quickly.
Because she was with Xia Lingying, she hadn’t come here for who knows how long. She’d lost interest in it. Xiao Moyan leaned on the bar, pouring drink after drink down her throat. A few people tried to talk to her, but her cold gaze froze them off.
Xiaxia, I always thought in your heart, I was the only one. It turns out I’m not...
One day, will you be like the others,get me, use me, then leave me?
I hate it. Hate how much I cling to you. Hate my own weakness. If I could go back, would I still choose this road...
But there’s no if...
I’m tired. So tired...
Her long-overdrawn body finally broke down at that moment. Xiao Moyan leaned on the bar, looking at the men and women enjoying themselves on the dance floor. She let out a bitter laugh, murmured “Xiaxia,” then her head dropped, and she could no longer see anything clearly.
The bartender glanced at her, sighed, took out his phone, and called A’Sen.
When Xiao Moyan was brought home, it was already 2 a.m. Xia Lingying leaned on the bedside, stroking Xiao Moyan’s cheek with eyes full of tears as she looked at Xiao Moyan.
Xia Lingying grabbed Xiao Moyan’s hand and gently rubbed it against her own face. Her tears slowly fell.
Mrs. Xu had already told her everything. Heartache. Real, deep pain.
For her, Xiao Moyan had gone through so much. The Tianhuang vs Shenghuang issue weighing on her, the nonstop malicious competition from Nanyang, investors pulling out one after another—she never mentioned any of it.
In front of her, it was always that reassuring smile. Everything she did was just to make her happy.
But in the end, she had hurt Xiao Moyan with her own hands…
That hug… even if it wasn’t on purpose, what kind of pain must Xiao Moyan have felt seeing that?
She bent down, buried her face in Xiao Moyan’s arms, breathed in the strong smell of alcohol on her, and cried without a sound. Clear tears slowly slid down Xiao Moyan’s pale neck.
Xiao… I won’t let this happen again. I only want you...
The next morning, when Xia Lingying woke up, the space beside her was already empty.
She touched the bed in disappointment and let out a sigh.
Breakfast was already prepared by Mrs. Xu. After washing up, Xia Lingying went downstairs.
Her eyes locked onto Xiao Moyan, who sat at the table with one leg crossed.
The newspaper was set aside. Xiao Moyan sipping the cup of coffee in her hand. When she heard Mrs. Xu call out to Xia Lingying, she looked up briefly, said nothing, then went back to reading.
Xia Lingying looked at her and quietly sat down. She wanted to say something, but didn’t know where to start.
The mood turned heavy.
Mrs. Xu kept her head down sipping porridge. Her eyes darted around, but seeing Xiao Moyan like this, she didn’t dare chat like usual.
That breakfast felt tasteless.
“Your car’s been sent for maintenance. I’ll drive you later.”
Xiao Moyan set down the white porcelain cup and looked up at Xia Lingying.
Xia Lingying looked at her in surprise and nodded, feeling flattered and caught off guard.
Mrs. Xu, who was sitting beside them, finally relaxed her tense face, broke into a smile, and felt at ease.
After dinner, the two walked out the door one after the other. Mrs. Xu smiled as she watched them, but the more she looked, the more she felt something was off.
Miss seemed different from before. The feeling between the two of them was also different. This...
The car drove smoothly.
Xiao Moyan stared ahead at the road, silent. Xia Lingying looked at her side profile, feeling a little sad.
“Xiao, are you very busy today?”
“Mm.”
“Then—tonight—”
“A’Sen will come pick you up.”
“Yesterday—”
“I misunderstood.”
The simple reply left Xia Lingying unable to say another word, but the knot in her chest only grew heavier.
She stared at Xiao Moyan for a while, then lowered her head. When the car door opened, the usual goodbye kiss was gone.
After dropping her off, Xiao Moyan left in a hurry, without a single warm word, as if she were just a stranger on the street.
The whole day, Xia Lingying couldn’t focus on work. Her mind kept going back to last night. But she was bad with words, didn’t know how to comfort her.
The courage she had finally gathered was crushed again by Xiao Moyan’s coldness. She hurried through the recording session and, walking through the sound of firecrackers from every house, went home on foot.
A few days passed like this. Xiao Moyan was busy with her own things. Xia Lingying ran back and forth between the radio station and the seaside. The two didn’t talk at all.
Mrs. Xu watched and felt anxious but didn’t know what to say, so she called Fang Ruolin over. She told her everything in detail, hoping she could help.
Fang Ruolin frowned and pulled the clearly thinner Xia Lingying, who she hadn’t seen in days, to sit on the sofa. She stared at her for a while before asking,
“Xiaxia, is Xiao still mad? It’s been so long. She’s still not talking to you?”
Xia Lingying’s eyes dimmed. She shook her head.
“No. She talks.”
“If she talks, that’s good. With Xiao’s temper, she’d usually fight with you hard, then say a bunch of nasty things. As long as you put up with it, it would pass. But Mrs. Xu said—”
Fang Ruolin stopped herself. After all, Xia Lingying knew about her feelings for Xiao Moyan. Some things didn’t need to be said fully.
Xia Lingying lowered her head. Her hands clasped together. Her voice was very low and muffled.
“Ruolin, these days, she’s been sleeping in the study—”
Fang Ruolin froze, looking at Xia Lingying in disbelief.
She knew Xiao Moyan’s temper better than anyone.
After something like this, it was already good she didn’t tear Xia Lingying apart, yet they were sleeping in separate rooms?
Xia Lingying looked up, eyes a little wet.
Thinking about Xiao Moyan’s coldness these days, her heart twisted with pain.
Facing Fang Ruolin’s questioning gaze, she nodded.
“She hasn’t touched me for a whole week.”
Author's Note:
Two updates today, don’t just read without supporting, ^_^
Yezi’s gonna eat dinner then keep writing~
It’s the holidays, everyone be happy. Next chapter, let’s drink some meat soup, ahem.