Chapter 66
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com
Zuo Qinghuan pushed the door open and entered the ward.
When Zuo Yan saw Zuo Qinghuan, she was a little unsure that the woman who came in was her daughter.
"Are you Xiao Huan?" Zuo Yan asked uncertainly. She rarely saw Zuo Qinghuan without makeup. After her daughter grew up, both of them liked wearing makeup, making it hard to recognize their natural faces. Zuo Yan rarely saw her daughter's bare face, and sometimes it was even difficult to recognize her. However, this face bore a resemblance to the face of a man in her memory. This child indeed followed her in every aspect, but surprisingly looked like a child from a decent family, as if that man had married her.
Actually, it's quite ironic. Zuo Yan had a good background but willingly fell into decadence. Zuo Qinghuan wished for a good background, yet ended up with such a mother.
Zuo Qinghuan didn't want to answer. A face recognizable by strangers, yet her own mother couldn't recognize. It's truly ironic. Zuo Qinghuan just sat beside the sickbed, looking at the ashen-faced Zuo Yan. Her heart clenched. She never thought that a few years later, their reunion would be a final farewell.
"You've changed a lot. This way is good for you," Zuo Yan looked at Zuo Qinghuan, suddenly remembering her daughter's childhood. In fact, when Xiao Huan was very young, she could take care of others. With a bad mother, there's often a good daughter. Zuo Yan couldn't cook, but Xiao Huan could cook for herself at the age of ten. By the age of eleven or twelve, she would advise Zuo Yan not to live such a life, much more mature than most children, and more decisive than herself.
"You've changed a lot too," Zuo Qinghuan looked at Zuo Yan's lifeless face. It was nothing like her usual vibrant and flashy appearance, like a rose that had bloomed with all its might, now starting to wither. A desolate and heartbreaking decline.
Zuo Yan and Li Xin seem to belong to the same category yet differ. Zuo Yan is charming and gorgeous, while Li Xin is charming and enchanting. Zuo Yan's expressions reveal frivolity that cannot be settled, while Li Xin's expressions lack frivolity and relatively more righteous.
Presently, Zuo Yan looks haggard as withered flowers, but traces of her former charm and gorgeousness can still be faintly seen. It can be imagined how stunning Zuo Yan might have been back then, not inferior to the present Li Xin.
"I'm sorry," Zuo Yan looked at the silent Zuo Qinghuan and suddenly spoke. In this lifetime, many people have let her down, but the only person she regrets is her own daughter. With a different mother, her daughter's life would certainly be different.
Zuo Qinghuan always knew this woman was willful and naive, so much so that her willfulness and naivety made her want to resent her. However, when she said sorry, Zuo Qinghuan realized she didn't want to hear her apology at all.
"You have nothing to apologize for to me. I am your child, so I have no right to blame you for anything you've done. The person you owe an apology to is yourself," Zuo Qinghuan looked at Zuo Yan and suddenly felt a bit sorrowful. Perhaps Aunt Xiao was right – how can a woman who couldn't take responsibility for her own life, be able to take responsibility for someone else's life?
"Yes, I've brought it all upon myself." One wrong step led to many more, and there's no turning back now.
"When I saw the way you looked at me back then, I knew you hated me. I regretted it at that moment. I wanted to bring you back, but I couldn't find you no matter how hard I tried," Zuo Yan brought up the catalyst that led to Zuo Qinghuan leaving home.
"The past is the past; there's no need to bring it up again. Take good care of yourself; you'll get better," Zuo Qinghuan listened to Zuo Yan's words, and her eyes finally couldn't hold back the tears. She didn't want to see Zuo Yan lying here so lifeless. Even if she continued doing those shameful things, Zuo Qinghuan wouldn't blame her anymore. All she wanted was for her to live well—after all, she was her only family.
"If I don't say something now, I'm afraid I won't have the chance to say it in the future..." Zuo Yan felt very tired, more tired than she had ever been. It made her want to close her eyes, but if she didn't say them now, she feared she might actually fall asleep.
"Seeing you like this reminds me of a man. Perhaps he could have been your father. He promised to marry me, but in the blink of an eye, he married someone else. You always feared loneliness since you were little; maybe you can find him..." Zuo Yan felt increasingly exhausted, and speaking became more and more difficult.
When Zuo Qinghuan was little, she asked about her father, but Zuo Yan always had the same answer – with so many men, who knows whose child you are? Over time, Zuo Qinghuan came to believe that she was a bastard.
"His… name is Xie..." Zuo Yan finally didn't finish her sentence. Her voice broke off, and she fell into a deep sleep, never to wake up again.
Zuo Qinghuan rushed out of the hospital without doing any procedures. She felt a heavy sensation in her chest. Despite the countless shortcomings of that woman, she was still the one who gave birth to her, her only family in the world. Zuo Qinghuan hoped she would live well, and didn't want her to die, but she irresponsibly passed away just like she lived – without responsibility.
Qin Wanshu thought Zuo Qinghuan would call as soon as she returned, but a whole day passed, and there was no call from Zuo Qinghuan. This made Qin Wanshu feel a bit worried, so she called her.
When Zuo Qinghuan saw the name Qin Wanshu, she suddenly wanted to see Qin Wanshu.
"What are you doing?" Qin Wanshu asked.
"My mom is dead..." Zuo Qinghuan's voice was filled with sorrow.
When Qin Wanshu heard this, her heart twitched and she wished she could come to Zuo Qinghuan right away.
"Where are you now?" Qin Wanshu asked, she would go over now.
When Qin Wanshu saw Zuo Qinghuan, she found her squatting in the corner of the square, hugging her knees, burying her head in, and curling up into a ball. Her appearance was incredibly heart-wrenching.
Qin Wanshu walked over, squatted down, and hugged Zuo Qinghuan into her arms. Zuo Qinghuan saw Qin Wanshu and threw herself into Qin Wanshu's arms. Her emotions finally erupted.
This translation was originally posted on https://love4baihe.blogspot.com
"I used to think I hated her and wished to never see her again in my life. But now that she's really gone, I feel so uncomfortable, so miserable..." Zuo Qinghuan spoke, and tears fell once again.
"She always brought different men home for the night or went out with various men, disappearing for days, leaving me alone in that rundown and dirty house. I felt lonely and scared. Every time she was abandoned, she would drink, and when she got drunk, she would hit me. One time she even used a cigarette to burn the back of my hand. I still remember that burning sensation. But I don't hate her; I just feel sorry for her. She always gets deceived by some rotten men for money and pleasure, yet never learns her lesson. She's so foolish, but she's still my mom. No matter how I tried to advise her, she never listened. I'm extremely disappointed in her."
Later, a man did marry her, and that man was Wang Qi's father. Though he didn't seem like a good person, I genuinely felt happy for her. However, one night, that man tried to assault me, and she just stood there without stopping him. She watched it happen. Although in the end, she knelt and begged him not to harm me, I can never forgive her for even considering using her daughter to keep a man. For the first time, I felt she was despicable. I hated her. If not for her, I wouldn't have lived such a miserable life. That man terrified me, but thankfully, his only redeeming quality was his love for his daughter. So, I began to please Wang Qi. With Wang Qi's protection, I escaped the fate of being assaulted by that man. I knew I had to change this situation. I didn't want to live in fear and dependency. I sought out Aunt Xiao, who used to be my mom's boss. Although we only met a few times, she was the most formidable woman I had ever encountered. I needed a lot of money. Once I had the money, I could leave that place and start anew. So, Aunt Xiao had me dance on the pole in her place. Luckily, under her protection, things didn't turn out too bad, and I learned quite a bit during those years. After saving enough money, I told her I wanted to leave. I didn't want to live that kind of life anymore. She told me my birth predetermined that I couldn't soar freely in life. If I stayed, she could train me to become her successor. While I admired her, I didn't want to become her, so I left. Starting over wasn't as simple as I thought. I didn't have a good education or background. I even feared someone might suddenly recognize me and reveal my past. Fortunately, I used to wear heavy makeup all the time. After washing it off, very few recognized me. I worked many decent jobs until I met Han Shibin at the coffee shop. That man looked handsome and wealthy, and he seemed to have a liking for me. I thought, why should I struggle so hard? Since I can't change my birth, why pretend to be high and mighty? I decided to hook up with that man and make some money. People have to look out for themselves. That was all of Zuo Qinghuan's past life. But the woman who gave me this kind of life died, just like that, she died. We used to argue, and I said she would get sick and die sooner or later. I didn't expect it to happen so soon..." Zuo Qinghuan spoke, and her tears flowed even more violently.
"It's all in the past. Your mom's life was also very difficult, perhaps this is a kind of relief." Qin Wanshu gently reached towards Zuo Qinghuan's back and comforted her. Zuo Qinghuan had known many things about her past for a long time, but there were still aspects she didn't know. Qin Wanshu understood why Zuo Qinghuan said, "If I had met you earlier, it would have been better." The days Zuo Qinghuan lived before were truly beyond Qin Wanshu's imagination.
"Qin Wanshu, would you ever despise the me who was once so wretched?" Zuo Qinghuan looked at Qin Wanshu with uncertainty. Qin Wanshu never proactively asked about her past, but Zuo Qinghuan knew her history hung over her like a shadow. She wasn't sure if Qin Wanshu could accept such a past.
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