Chapter 80: Sadness
Sitting in Gu Yuan's car, looking out at the city lights and nightlife under the night sky, Xia Lingying's eyes felt a little sore.
She was thinking about Xiao Moyan again… On this special day, her mind seemed full of her. But why couldn't she remember… She felt a little bitter, a little wronged, even a little angry. Deep down, she told herself a thousand times that it was because Xiao Moyan was busy with work and forgot, but she just couldn't let it go. She was mad at her, for forgetting her birthday. Compared to Gu Yuan, she wasn’t even as thoughtful…
Soft music played, and Gu Yuan drove without saying a word. He only glanced at Xia Lingying in the rearview mirror now and then. He knew what she was thinking. On a day like this, if she agreed to come out with him, she must’ve had another fight with Xiao Moyan. With a quiet sigh, Gu Yuan looked at Xia Lingying with a bit of helplessness in his eyes.
Love really is something you can't figure out. In his eyes, even if Xiao Moyan was capable, she was never a good lover. Not to mention the knot of grudges between their families and just Xiao Moyan’s messy dating history alone... People say women are detail-minded and don’t allow even a grain of sand in their eyes, but in Xia Lingying’s heart, Xiao Moyan always stood high above, someone worth giving everything for. That always rational and smart Xia Lingying would act like a love-struck girl whenever it came to Xiao Moyan. Xiao Moyan, what makes you worth all that?
It wasn’t until Gu Yuan steadily parked the car that Xia Lingying came back to her senses. She turned her head and looked around in confusion.
"Where is this?"
Gu Yuan smiled softly and gently said,
"Take a closer look."
Following his words, Xia Lingying looked carefully through the window at the buildings around. Something about it felt familiar. She pressed her lips, thought for a moment, then her eyes lit up. She looked at Gu Yuan in surprise,
"This is the old district!"
Gu Yuan nodded, his voice still gentle.
"Come on, let’s go take a look."
Xia Lingying nodded hard, quickly unfastened her seatbelt, opened the car door, and hurried out. Gu Yuan stood behind her, hands in his pockets, quietly watching her. Watching her excited expression, the smile on her lips, he felt a little sour inside.
Xiaxia, maybe this is all I can do for you...
Soft laughter floated over the old playground where they used to play. Xia Lingying looked around in surprise, taking in the familiar trees and grass from her memories. Her eyes slowly filled with tears.
No one can take childhood memories away. If only time could go backward, that would be great…
But then again, Xia Lingying shook her head. If not for everything that happened, how could she have met Xiao Moyan? As long as she could meet her, fall in love with her, all the past pain seemed worth it…
The two walked side by side through the old neighborhood. There weren’t many people out on this winter night. The lights from the homes reflected on the ground, giving off a soft, warm glow. Xia Lingying's heart felt strangely full. But the only regret was that the person next to her wasn’t Xiao Moyan, not the one she wished to hold hands with for life.
"Xiaxia, let’s eat at Auntie Wang’s place."
Gu Yuan spoke lightly as he looked at her. Xia Lingying looked at him in surprise,
"It’s still there?"
Gu Yuan nodded and slowly walked with Xia Lingying toward the familiar street.
As they pulled open the shop door, the rich smell of noodles rushed out. The Auntie Wang Gu Yuan mentioned clearly froze when she saw the two of them. She stared for a moment, then grinned wide, wiping her hands on her apron, smiling cheerfully.
“Xiaxia, Yuanyuan, I didn’t expect you two—”
Xia Lingying smiled and stepped up to hug Auntie Wang. Gu Yuan stood nearby, smiling as he watched them. Under Auntie Wang’s warm welcome, the two were brought into a small private room and sat down.
The room was small but cozy. Soft candlelight flickered, and a delicate cake was placed right in the center of the table. Auntie Wang pulled her old man over too. With their birthday song filling the room, Xia Lingying blew out the candles and quietly folded her hands to make a wish.
She wished her family good health… and that she and Xiao Moyan could be together forever.
After blowing the candles, Auntie Wang and the old man left with good timing. Before going out, they even teased the young pair a bit. Xia Lingying just gave a polite smile, while Gu Yuan kept quietly watching her.
The air turned a bit heavy. Gu Yuan lifted his glass and took a sip of baijiu. Looking at Xia Lingying’s side profile, he gently asked,
“Xiaxia, is she good to you?”
Xia Lingying paused, turned to look at Gu Yuan, and nodded.
“She is. I’m very happy.”
He already knew that would be her answer. But hearing her say it out loud still made Gu Yuan’s heart twist sharply. His hand clenched tighter around the glass.
“If you’re happy, why would she let you spend your birthday alone?”
Xia Lingying lowered her head a little, reaching up to tuck her hair back.
“She’s busy.”
No more talking, no more asking, Gu Yuan raised his wine glass, looked at Xia Lingying.
“Xiaxia, you must be happy.”
Xia Lingying looked at Gu Yuan and nodded, her eyes a little red.
Saying she wasn't upset wouldn't be true. Gu Yuan had been silently by her side for so long, waiting without complaint. She was touched deep in her heart. But Xia Lingying knew, that was not love.
If there is no love, then let go early. Because she understood this too well, she seemed so heartless.
She sighed, raised her wine glass, and softly said,
“You too, Gu Yuan.”
The two of them walked out of the old neighborhood. It was already very late.
Seeing Xia Lingying in a low mood, Gu Yuan drove her around the park again and again.
Only when he noticed the tiredness on her face, he slowly drove the car to the villa by the sea.
Xia Lingying opened the car door and smiled, saying a few words of thanks to Gu Yuan.
Gu Yuan just stared at her, stared at this face he loved so deeply it carved into his bones.
A line of tears slowly slid down his thin cheeks.
Then he suddenly pulled Xia Lingying into his arms.
“Xiaxia, be happy, you must be happy…”
Choking out the words in his heart, Gu Yuan pushed away the confused Xia Lingying, gave her a small smile with tears in his eyes, waved his hand, opened the car door, and drove off without looking back.
Sometimes, the most painful thing is not losing the one you love—
It’s pushing her into someone else’s arms with your own hands.
Xia Lingying stared in the direction Gu Yuan left for a while, sighed, turned around, pushed open the door, and slowly walked in.
As soon as she opened the door, the whole yard lit up. Xia Lingying raised her hand to block the glaring light and looked up in surprise, frozen in place.
The big yard was covered in bright lights. Small bulbs were lined into smiling faces, and if you looked close, they faintly showed Xia Lingying’s face shape. In the middle of the lights was a burst of wild fireworks. Sparks shot out and stayed in the air, turning half the sky red. Every few minutes, under the lights, balloons slowly floated up. As the balloons flew, bigger sparks burst out. The heat popped the balloons. Each balloon had lots of petals inside. The petals floated in the air, shining and bright.
Xia Lingying stared for a long time, and her heart moved. Like she understood something, she stiffly turned her head. On the other side where petals fell, Mrs. Xu, Fang Ruolin, and Su Lianxue were looking at her nervously. At the far left, by a big cake, Xiao Moyan stood with arms crossed, watching her blankly.
Author’s Note:
Ai, I wanted to write more, but I went back and filled in all the holes today, and now I'm a bit tired. What’s worse is, when I took my dog out for a walk, this little girl with two ugly braids actually said, “Auntie, your dog is so cute!” I really wanted to kick her away—how am I an auntie?! I’m so depressed!